A year in... intimacy on holiday

[costakid]

Our first holiday on our own together. Getting on brilliantly . We are both exhausted from busy work/ kids lives . Both divorced . Both late forties . BUT..we've only really been intimate twice since Friday . He keeps nodding off at random hours . I feel neglected sexually . Plenty of hugs, kissing and hand holding but very little sexual interest from him as he is so tired .
I have been probably ' giving ' too much to the detriment of my own needs and wants but right now I feel like not bothering as it's a little one sided at the moment.
I've said this , he agrees that he's been too knackered to engage or more to the point reciprocate .. but made the effort afterwards . Am I being unreasonable here please ?

[HereticFanjo]

You need a younger man, OP. I'm only half joking. Friend in a similar situation to you left a sexless marriage. She is mid forties, her new man is mid thirties. Like you, she's enjoying making up for lost time and he has the energy to keep up!

But he probably does need a medical check up as well.

[Oblahdeeoblahdoe]

I think this holiday might be giving you an insight into what he's like at home usually. The falling asleep all the time is a PITA. He needs to be checked out for sleep apnea again I'd say.
I agree with others saying stop the BJs and wait and see what happens. I suspect your sex drives are mismatched which are only becoming apparent now you're spending an extended time together.

[Orgasmagorical]

TheReluctantPhoenix yes, a bull would do the job or there's AI, which could be seen very loosely as the equivalent of a suggestion that was made for the OP upthread

[CloseYourEyesAndSee]

@Clymene

Oh and it's since Friday! So it's 3 days, not 4.

The OP's gone quiet. Perhaps she's having sex

Friday Saturday Sunday Monday is 4 days

[Benjispruce5]

@HereticFanjo what happens when your fiend hits the menopause. Would her younger partner moan about lack of sex? Would that not be the same thing?

[HereticFanjo]

[quote Benjispruce5]@HereticFanjo what happens when your fiend hits the menopause. Would her younger partner moan about lack of sex? Would that not be the same thing?[/quote]
HRT I assume Sex is important to her and I imagine she will want to be proactive about her sexual health in the same way she's good at looking after her health generally.

I do take your point @Benjispruce5 but tbh the DP seems to be a bit passive about his health AND about the OP's satisfaction - happy to lie back and enjoy BJs without giving much in return.

OP, encourage him to get medical check up but it's okay to look for someone more sexually compatible too.

[TomAllenWife]

I always think that on holiday without dcs is the perfect opportunity to be having lots of sex.
At least once or twice per day

So I'm with you OP I would be a bit miffed

[Branleuse]

Id be well pissed off to only get sex twice on holiday barely a year into the relationship, plus hes taking all the blow jobs and not giving you yours? Sod that. Is this the best you can get?

[HarebrightCedarmoon]

Twice since Friday! Sounds like good going to me, even if you were in your 20s.

[DoItAfraid]

@MarleneDietrichsSmile

That is the problem with bjs

He's done and the and then what

Drop the bjs, be relaxed and see what happens

I would be a bit disappointed in your shoes tbh, but maybe you (we ) need to lower expectations?

I would be disappointed too

[Daisy4569]

How long are you on holiday for? Maybe he doesn’t feel as time pressured as the weekend and is just enjoying some relaxation. I’d probably be more bothered about the unbalanced participation than how often

[KormasABitch]

@IfNot

It’s Tuesday! You have had sex twice in 4 days, you get hugs and affection as well… you are looking for problems here! It’s like, if it ain’t broke, rattle it until it is. If he’s selfish in bed, that’s another issue, but the frequency seems fine. Have you considered having a wank?

Agreed.

Twice since Friday!
Amazing, especially if he has breathing problems.

[HarebrightCedarmoon]

One of the best things about being no longer 25 is that sex is no longer massively important as my hormones have calmed down, and there are other things in life. Why is there an expectation that we have to be up for it and at it like rabbits all our lives, even in a new relationship? Nature programmes us to want to have more sex when we are in the best years for procreation and there is a natural waning after that. Being fit and healthy certainly helps though with sex drive and more men in our generation are unfit and overweight than women.

If sex is really so important to you then perhaps a much younger/fitter partner would suit you.

[Benjispruce5]

I do understand the disappointment but the guy has breathing difficulties. I think op needs to adjust her expectations.

[CaptSkippy]

...but do feel that he has little interest in intimacy unless I am giving

OP, is he really tired or just selfish? If I am too tired for sex it meeans I am also too tired to receive it.

[Cailin66]

@costakid

I would like sex every day . We have no distractions or pre made plans and complete privacy .

Oh lordy, that's a big ask. Of a man in his forties. You need an 18 year old stud. Maybe a pair of them. BTW if you put sexual pressure on a man it turns them off so they can't perform.

[KormasABitch]

@HarebrightCedarmoon

One of the best things about being no longer 25 is that sex is no longer massively important as my hormones have calmed down, and there are other things in life. Why is there an expectation that we have to be up for it and at it like rabbits all our lives, even in a new relationship? Nature programmes us to want to have more sex when we are in the best years for procreation and there is a natural waning after that. Being fit and healthy certainly helps though with sex drive and more men in our generation are unfit and overweight than women.

If sex is really so important to you then perhaps a much younger/fitter partner would suit you.

I absolutely second this!

It's actually quite nice to get a good night's sleep, and not have to worry if my bum looks nice in these knickers or not.

[HoppingPavlova]

If I went on holiday with DH and he wanted/expected sex every day it would be a pretty darn short holiday and the last one we ever had together .

[AlbertBridge]

All those BJs - no wonder he’s breathless and tired. My DH would be in a coma.

Are you giving him BJs to make him happy, or in the hopes that he’ll reciprocate? The latter is a recipe for resentment. Calm down, lay off, and let him seduce you.

In the meantime, evaluate whether you’re sexually compatible in terms of libido. You might not be.

[Hen2018]

It’s only Tuesday morning!

[KormasABitch]

@costakid

I would like sex every day . We have no distractions or pre made plans and complete privacy .

Just wondering OP what gives you this dream target?

Is it that you literally are physically gagging for it every day? In which case there are ways of sorting this out that needn't involve your husband. You don't want to be the death of him! 😉

If it's to do with being reassured that you're desirable, or keeping up with the Kardashians*, or something like that, have a good think about what's really important to you.


*Not meaning to insult you here -- using this as a broad reference to media pressures.

[EmbarrassingMama]

You've had sex every other day since you got there? That's not bad, is it?

I'm bloody knackered at the moment. If I went on an adults only holiday after working 12 hour days and looking after the children I'd want a lot of naps too.

[Winemewhynot]

YABU, holidays are for relaxing not a bonkathon, twice in three days is hardly withholding intimacy, give it a minute woman!

[toocold54]

Hoping for and wanting sex with your partner and being disappointed when he nods off is perfectly rational and not 'pestering'. Please don't shame women for wanting a sex life.

I think being disappointed is fine but they have had sex and are intimate. If a man posted that they’d only had sex twice in 3/4 days and that they were annoyed their partner was tired and kept falling asleep then MN would be going mad.

I am someone who enjoys lots of sex on holiday but the heat makes me feel tired and this week I am off work so my body has decided I’m in rest mode and I’m exhausted so I can see both sides. If you were to initiate it and be on top would he still not want to have sex then?
I would have a chat to him and explain that you would like more attention even if that means him just giving you oral and then going to sleep.

[thedancingbear]

Twice since Friday?

When I was in my late forties, I expected intercourse at least every three or four hours.