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Original poster

A year in... intimacy on holiday

138 replies

costakid · 27/07/2021 06:56

Our first holiday on our own together. Getting on brilliantly . We are both exhausted from busy work/ kids lives . Both divorced . Both late forties . BUT..we've only really been intimate twice since Friday . He keeps nodding off at random hours . I feel neglected sexually . Plenty of hugs, kissing and hand holding but very little sexual interest from him as he is so tired .
I have been probably ' giving ' too much to the detriment of my own needs and wants but right now I feel like not bothering as it's a little one sided at the moment.
I've said this , he agrees that he's been too knackered to engage or more to the point reciprocate .. but made the effort afterwards . Am I being unreasonable here please ?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/07/2021 07:33

@omgthepain

Maybe he just has a much lower sex drive than you? I have to say if I was on holiday to relax and have some downtime after a very busy life and I was being pestered for sex all the time, I'd be annoyed if I was tired and went for a break. I'd find it quite off putting. Just take it easy and let him enjoy his break and let things flow naturally
Hoping for and wanting sex with your partner and being disappointed when he nods off is perfectly rational and not 'pestering'. Please don't shame women for wanting a sex life.
BigButtons · 27/07/2021 07:33

@costakid how often are you expecting to have sex with him?
Sounds like your sex drive is higher than his. I am in a similar situation. It’s frustrating.

Original poster
costakid · 27/07/2021 07:34

I think now that I've probably been meeting all his sexual needs so maybe there is no great incentive for him to meet mine , except that I've voiced my dissatisfaction . He is a giver normally but on this holiday he is only settling into a non work environment , where he is normally run off his feet . I will take a step back and see how it pans out I think .

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/07/2021 07:35

@costakid

No he hasn't been tested for diabetes. He works long hours and this is his habit . I am Not pestering him but do feel that he has little interest in intimacy unless I am giving , so to speak .
Do you mean he's too lazy and unfit to be bothered to initiate but will happily lie there while you give him a blowjob? Men like this are irredeemable unfortunately.
Original poster
costakid · 27/07/2021 07:35

I would like sex every day . We have no distractions or pre made plans and complete privacy .

OP posts:
BigButtons · 27/07/2021 07:36

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I can’t see anyone shaming the op for wanting sex- however, just because she wants it doesn’t mean she has a right to have it if her partner doesn’t.

Original poster
costakid · 27/07/2021 07:37

He will happily lie there and enjoy oral
Sex . He loves and appreciates the attention . I'd Int think it's fair to call him lazy or unfit , I just think there's no great incentive when he is being ' treated

OP posts:
BillyRaywasapreachersson · 27/07/2021 07:39

If you keep giving him blow jobs, he has no need to do anything else, he's done. So either stop sucking his cock until you get yours or carry on doing it and being unsatisfied.

BigButtons · 27/07/2021 07:39

@costakid

I would like sex every day . We have no distractions or pre made plans and complete privacy .
So would I. My partner doesn’t. Neither does yours by the sound of it.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/07/2021 07:40

@costakid

He will happily lie there and enjoy oral Sex . He loves and appreciates the attention . I'd Int think it's fair to call him lazy or unfit , I just think there's no great incentive when he is being ' treated
If he doesn't initiate sex or reciprocate then he is lazy. If he keeps falling asleep and has no stamina for sex then he's unfit!
IfNot · 27/07/2021 07:41

It’s Tuesday! You have had sex twice in 4 days, you get hugs and affection as well… you are looking for problems here! It’s like, if it ain’t broke, rattle it until it is. If he’s selfish in bed, that’s another issue, but the frequency seems fine. Have you considered having a wank?

SunshineCake · 27/07/2021 07:45

You are being silly about the amount of sex but also he's being a selfish bugger enjoying oral and giving nothing back. Talk to him!

LunaNorth · 27/07/2021 07:47

Have you considered having a wank?

Grin
DragonMamma · 27/07/2021 07:48

I’m sorry OP but if this was a man posting about ‘only’ having sex twice in 3 days then he would have been lambasted. The poor guy sounds like he’s knackered.

I’m always shattered the first few days of a proper holiday whilst I decompress after a busy few months.

The selfishness is another situation entirely - in terms of frequency it’s fine and you need to adjust your expectations.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/07/2021 07:49

Twice since Friday for someone in their 40s with a breathing issue is pretty good going!

I think you’re expecting a bit too much. Not many people want sex every day. I think you might need to adjust your expectations.

Tinpotspectator · 27/07/2021 07:53

It is possible you don't feel desired without a huge amount of sex, because of previous issues? You may benefit from counselling for that.

BigFatLiar · 27/07/2021 07:55

He will happily lie there and enjoy oral Sex

I'm sure he would, however does he ask for it and if you didn't do it would he happily lie there and enjoy a nap?

He is a giver normally but on this holiday he is only settling into a non work environment , where he is normally run off his feet

Perhaps he should have said that he was looking for a rest before you went.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 27/07/2021 07:55

That is the problem with bjs

He's done and the and then what

Drop the bjs, be relaxed and see what happens

I would be a bit disappointed in your shoes tbh, but maybe you (we Grin) need to lower expectations?

Tenbob · 27/07/2021 07:55

@Tinpotspectator

It is possible you don't feel desired without a huge amount of sex, because of previous issues? You may benefit from counselling for that.
This! You equate sex and the frequency of it with how much he desires you He is obviously showing affection in other ways, but you’ve said he works long hours and has health issues, and you’re begrudging the poor guy a chance to catch up with some sleep while on holiday.

You need to get some counselling to get over the issues from your previous marriage

TakeYourFinalPosition · 27/07/2021 07:57

I would like sex every day

Does he want that? It’s quite full on for most people, especially in their 40s.

I’d second a PP that it’s worth considering if this is your sex drive, and you’re not that compatible, or if this is caused by the precious issues you refer to, and counselling might help.

If he’s just letting you satisfy him and nothing else happens, regularly, that’s a different issue - but quantity might not be. It tends to have to be a compromise.

It’s much easier to be intimate every day at the weekend if you then don’t see each other for a week… it doesn’t really set the tone for how much sex you’ll “usually” have when you are together more.

Babymamamama · 27/07/2021 08:03

Twice in four days would be more than enough for me. But we are all different. If you want every day and he wants less - you either adjust or meet your own needs. Or pair up with someone with same drive as you?

Sssloou · 27/07/2021 08:05

So in a normal week you only see him at weekends and have sex twice a day - is the sex good then or is it lazy and one sided as well?

Maybe he is planning to pace out his lazy and one sided and spreading out his 4 orgasms over the week?

How is your emotional intimacy? Are you able to have open, deep, reciprocal conversations and you read each other implicitly? Doesn’t sound like he is emotionally available if he is nodding off?

Are you comfortable outlining what your expectations were for this holiday on all levels and see where his were and if you can agree to meet in the middle - because if you don’t communicate this long awaited holiday will be detrimental to your relationship in the long term.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 27/07/2021 08:07

Imo then he needs to attend to you first.!
Seems he is getting a bit lazy already!!

C152 · 27/07/2021 08:08

I don't think YABU. If I was alone on holiday with a partner I would be disappointed if we didn't have sex every day. I agree with others who suggest you stop give blowjobs until he's ready to engage with you properly.

Loudestcat14 · 27/07/2021 08:11

Late 40s and you've had sex twice since Friday already??? That sounds like a healthy amount/relationship! I think you're overthinking this a bit and you are confusing sex for affection. He sounds great in every other regard.

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