Waivering on my plans to leave DH

[namechangeat11pm]

I have been making plans to leave DH after realising he was controlling. I wasn't allowed to work, have friends, see family etc. No DC. No physical abuse. I have somewhere to move into on the 1st September, I have been saving some money away and I don't have much but enough to keep me going for a month or two while I find a job (I hope).

I'm getting cold feet though.

DH has been really lovely to me lately. I was angry at him for a while but he's been being so sweet to me and I feel almost like I've fallen in love with him again? He's planned a date night for us next weekend, to do something I love but he doesn't. My head's a mess and I don't know what to do now. He was never really awful to me for the most part, he just wants everything to be his way all the time. As long as I go along with that then everything's fine.

I just feel like I will have nothing if I leave him. I've always struggled to make friends even before I met him. I have anxiety and he is good at calming me down. I don't really have any family I can turn to. I almost feel like it would be better to stay with him, better the devil I know, than risk being even more miserable on my own.

I don't know what to do. It feels impossible.

@mzhz definitely not losing heart, just a bit disappointed but I’m keeping going!

I’m struggling with not having a computer at home though, I had to tke it back to the office as he won’t let me work from home any longer and it’s making it so much harder to apply for jobs, I used to get back out of bed after he’d gone to sleep to do the applications. It’s really weird not having it actually because of course I still hve my phone and I can go online but I feel like it’s another layer of isolation

It is, and you’re seeing it for what it is

Not long now sweetheart, stick with this and it’ll get easier to live/breathe etc

Keeping everything crossed 🤞 for you love

@namechangeat11pm
Was the job for a local authority by any chance? It can be quite common if they are interviewing for a job title ( say an administrator grade) that has more than one position available to interview a number of applicants and then “rank” all the people who met the standard, so if 2 jobs available the “top 2” get offered the position and then if other positions become available in due course they will offer them to acceptable applicants further down the ranking without the need to interview again for that new post(s). If this is the case don’t lose hope it may still happen, you may also have been competing against internal applicants who may have just had an advantage of relevant experience.

@Maskedrevenger it was for a civil service job, I'm imagining it would be similar to what you describe though? I'll just keep looking, if something does come up from it then I'll be happy but I won't worry about it.

Reading your thread and thinking how amazing you are to get to this point. Your husband is truly awful, not letting you go to bed when you are ill.
I can’t offer much help but in terms of the job for the civil service it’s good news - they often have more jobs come at the same level
Within 6 months and they may employ you on the back of your interview. You clearly
Did well to reach the threshold.

There are lots of government / civil service
Type roles coming up at the moment so keep looking!

How are you today @namechangeat11pm?

Make sure you update your address with whoever is running the civil service competition. You've passed the interview just not high enough to get an offer now but chances are you will get an offer at some point.

How are you @namechangeat11pm? I'm thinking of you and hoping that your plans are coming together

He is lovebombing you.

Your situation sounds exactly like mine was about 2 years ago. He is sweetening you up only to tear you down again. This will not end well.

My ex-husband stopped me from seeing my friends. Stopped me from working. Stopped me from seeing my family. Then we had a child together and it only got worse.

Leave. Leave now and do not look back.

@tegannotsovegan

He is lovebombing you.

Your situation sounds exactly like mine was about 2 years ago. He is sweetening you up only to tear you down again. This will not end well.

My ex-husband stopped me from seeing my friends. Stopped me from working. Stopped me from seeing my family. Then we had a child together and it only got worse.

Leave. Leave now and do not look back.

@tegannotsovegan

Sorry, I hadn't realised there were so many pages of support/replies. After reading through the replies, I can see that you have at least started to make a plan.

I am proud of you. Please, be safe and look after yourself.

I’m 🙌🤞for you too , almost there x

Thinking of you @namechangeat11pm

How are you OP? Hope everything is going to plan.

I’ve just read all 12 pages through. You’re doing amazing and everyone’s rooting for you. I was you years ago, you can do this.
How’s it all going?

Hope you’re all set OP, you’ve got this!!!

I am worrying that something has happened to the OP and she is unable now to leave, as he has made it more difficult for her to have any small amount of day to day freetime.

How did the move go OP?

Hoping to hear an update from OP soon that she's happily installed in her new place.

Are you okay OP?

Hope you're OK, OP - willing you on from afar!

Hope you are ok OP, but I fear the silence means you didn't get to leave

Hope you're ok OP, please update us when you can...getting concerned :(

Morning @namechangeat11pm. How are things?

Hope you got in ok?

If you didn't leave, that's ok. Don't be worried to come back. It's understandable for it to take time and people will support you and listen to you.
I just hate to think that maybe you didn't leave and now you're isolated and scared and feel you can't come back .