Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]**@Bbub* @BelladiMamma* thank you so much for your messages. 😘❤️

I'd love to be able to say that I've asked Mr. Specs out but I haven't had the opportunity, because I've just been on Tinder all ready to
Message him and get things out there, and he's unmatched with me! His messages and everything have disappeared! Either that or he's deleted his account. How weird!

We didn't have the opportunity to exchange numbers either. Not that I think that would have made much difference because he would have blocked my number if he had it.

I don't know why he did it. I fell asleep last night because of my painkillers (I take cocodermol) and I messaged him earlier this afternoon to apologise for missing his messages. I Didn't hear back from him, but that isn't unusual. I thought I'd hear back from him this evening.

I don't understand it at all. Why didn't he just tell me if he wasn't feeling it? Then we could've parted with no hard feelings, and moved on.

Oh well, it's done now. Onwards (haha) and upwards 💕❤️[/quote]
That's happened to me once or twice as well. Once after I've said I've got childcare issues on a date they suggested. Once or twice no warning, no reason. I've completely forgotten about those guys now. I'm ashamed to say I've done it myself too. I was getting a really strong draw towards someone but we were treading a slightly dark path talking about recent bereavements. Actually I still question whether or not I did the right thing but I'd literally be crying sometimes when I texted him and I just thought - no, you don't need this right now.
Sorry I'm aware those experiences are very personal.
Anyway, the good thing is you don't need to waste anymore time on that one x

@Languidleopard I'm pretty sure on bumble the guys want you to ask them out as it's marketed that way? 🤔

I'm going to start a countdown to my next date in the diary with MrBeard, as I had to cancel the last one for the very excellent and genuine reason that I FELL OFF MY HORSE. What man doesn't want to be stood up for that fancy cowgirl reason 😂 (yeah I know, but what do people say about lemons 🍋).

So, it's Friday week and he's organised everything. Today is Monday ...
Monday ✔️
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday DATE FRIDAY 🥂

When Bella - ahem - gets BACK IN THE SADDLE

I know, I'm spending way too much time at home 😂😂😂

@BelladiMamma thank you for sharing that. ❤️ it's probably a good thing he's gone. I need someone to want to go out with me, after all. 😘😘😘

@Languidleopard

Onwards sorry to read your update. He sounds flaky. Probably a bullet dodged 😅

@Languidleopard agreed ❤️

@BelladiMamma

I'm going to start a countdown to my next date in the diary with MrBeard, as I had to cancel the last one for the very excellent and genuine reason that I FELL OFF MY HORSE. What man doesn't want to be stood up for that fancy cowgirl reason 😂 (yeah I know, but what do people say about lemons 🍋).

So, it's Friday week and he's organised everything. Today is Monday ...
Monday ✔️
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday DATE FRIDAY 🥂

When Bella - ahem - gets BACK IN THE SADDLE

I know, I'm spending way too much time at home 😂😂😂

@BelladiMamma 😀❤️😘

@Languidleopard

Thanks for your feedback Bhub and Onwards I know I need to move on, and your responses have strengthened my resolve I can do this!

@Languidleopard ❤️

[quote BelladiMamma]@Languidleopard I'm pretty sure on bumble the guys want you to ask them out as it's marketed that way? 🤔 [/quote]
@BelladiMamma I guess so! I'm still really new to Bumble but so far I've found the fact that I need to message them first empowering. Asking someone on a date though...I'm ashamed to say IRL I've never actually done that

He's away for a couple of days but we both agreed to chat again towards the end of this week...I will make my move then.

@BelladiMamma

I'm going to start a countdown to my next date in the diary with MrBeard, as I had to cancel the last one for the very excellent and genuine reason that I FELL OFF MY HORSE. What man doesn't want to be stood up for that fancy cowgirl reason 😂 (yeah I know, but what do people say about lemons 🍋).

So, it's Friday week and he's organised everything. Today is Monday ...
Monday ✔️
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday DATE FRIDAY 🥂

When Bella - ahem - gets BACK IN THE SADDLE

I know, I'm spending way too much time at home 😂😂😂

Loving the cowgirl analogy

All quiet here. I think I've kind of stopped feeling post-lockdown FOMO and just decided to enjoy the summer without having to juggle contacts?

@Naimee87

Bots are meant to be automated profiles on Tinder to scam people. Not sure how they progress getting your details.

I guess they're more active/more of a risk for men as men are more likely to "click on here for naked photos" whereas that stunt wouldn't work with women?

Whereas women maybe more vulnerable to scammers who work over chat to get trust, etc.

Evening all

I've dipped in and out of the dating threads over the years and find myself single again.

It's not been that long but I miss both my ex but also the actual relationship although there were so many things wrong with it! I just miss being someone's person if that makes sense. I'm also painfully lonely. I'm WFH so I can go days without any adult interaction. No one calls me, few text me, feeling very sorry for myself. My world feels very small 🙁

I've rejoined the apps and I do think I've made progress. Guy 1 I chatted to had basically no chat. Very difficult to get any rapport built up so I stopped that. Guy 2 had good chat but was 10 years older and mentioned early on that he was very set in his ways. Keen not to go into something thinking I can change them I ended that chat too. Guy 3 I had high hopes for and we actually met for a coffee which went very well but I had the feeling he was after something casual and knew I wasn't so I put it out there that I was looking for a relationship and low and behold he cancelled date 2.

I'm glad I saw these things early on and didn't invest in anything, it's progress! But I'm also sad that it's been beautiful weather and I've just spent the weekend doing chores and watching tv alone.

I read about people doing things themselves, going to dinner, going hill walking etc and I think they are great and I really admire them but I've spent the last 10 years doing things myself and I just don't want to anymore.

So that's me, that's where I'm at. Hoping something right comes along for everyone 🤞🏼

@Languidleopard you can just ask if they fancy a coffee?

[quote BelladiMamma]@Languidleopard you can just ask if they fancy a coffee? [/quote]
@Languidleopard you can do this ❤️ the worst he can do as say no. Ask him and see what he says 😘😘😘

Made contact with a few more matches and going to see what happens ❤️

@dancemom

Evening all

I've dipped in and out of the dating threads over the years and find myself single again.

It's not been that long but I miss both my ex but also the actual relationship although there were so many things wrong with it! I just miss being someone's person if that makes sense. I'm also painfully lonely. I'm WFH so I can go days without any adult interaction. No one calls me, few text me, feeling very sorry for myself. My world feels very small 🙁

I've rejoined the apps and I do think I've made progress. Guy 1 I chatted to had basically no chat. Very difficult to get any rapport built up so I stopped that. Guy 2 had good chat but was 10 years older and mentioned early on that he was very set in his ways. Keen not to go into something thinking I can change them I ended that chat too. Guy 3 I had high hopes for and we actually met for a coffee which went very well but I had the feeling he was after something casual and knew I wasn't so I put it out there that I was looking for a relationship and low and behold he cancelled date 2.

I'm glad I saw these things early on and didn't invest in anything, it's progress! But I'm also sad that it's been beautiful weather and I've just spent the weekend doing chores and watching tv alone.

I read about people doing things themselves, going to dinner, going hill walking etc and I think they are great and I really admire them but I've spent the last 10 years doing things myself and I just don't want to anymore.

So that's me, that's where I'm at. Hoping something right comes along for everyone 🤞🏼

Hi 👋🏻 welcome back

Sorry to hear you've been feeling blue 💙

It's rotten sometimes x

@dancemom welcome back, I remember you. I agree it really can feel quite shitty sometimes. The odds of actually matching with someone you like, then getting on well, then it progressing is tiny I find! But feel free to vent here, that's what we are all here for.

Not much to report on my side. I'm hoping things progress with Mr Lawyer but I have a niggling feeling that we won't make a second date. He's lovely though and does message me but I can just foresee the whole candy shop mentality thing and things not progressing as he must be inundated. I'm keeping things light though. I am off on holiday this weekend which will be a real test given I'm terrified of flying and have real anxiety but had a long CBT session and hoping that will change my life.

Welcome @dancemom sorry you're feeling blue! Come here to let off steam.

Yes, I think that "spread" of dates is quite normal - it can feel like anyone reasonably ok is just like "casual hookup sex or nothing"? Good on you for sticking to boundaries.

I like doing things solo but do agree it can get lonely at times. It's got better since lockdown ended as I can go to the gym and out shopping and for coffee etc.

But better acknowledging that than buying into dating set-ups which aren't actually what you want?

Eg feeling you have to "offer casual" to get attention.

Thank you everyone for being so welcoming

I have a quick question. I've been OLD for a while, haven't met anyone that really set my heart on fire (I did meet one but he wanted NSA).

I have seen one now for a little while and he's just so nice, great kisser etc (we haven't had sex). But the conversation is so stunted, I struggle to think about things to say to him and we work in the same field and have very similar education levels. Does this mean that it's a non starter? Thanks!

Thanks all for the replies, and @Naimee87 for making me feel a bit less alone and crazy...! @BelladiMamma good advice, thanks, especially the observing and not trying to influence the outcome of the conversation. And yay for your date with Mr Beard!

I don't think I explained myself very well with the post sex talk thing - it's just an example of when I can feel vulnerable and then I will say sweet nothings, partly to hear them back for reassurance I certainly don't expect or want an in-depth debate at that point!

@SortingItOut I have been anxious insecure attachment style, but I'm starting to shift it to more secure in the past couple of years - with lots of therapy input! I had it today in fact. We talked about the whole silence thing being a trigger - it goes back to an emotionally neglectful childhood - and I need to respond to myself with compassion at those times. I need to give that small child a hug and mostly accept that I have needs and that's okay. Practice loving kindness so it's there when I need it most - when I'm triggered.

It possibly doesn't help that all this is my profession too... So overthinking is easy!

@Heartbeats0708 I might tentatively head to the bench as things are going well - he's just cooked me a roast after a stressful day at work!

@dancemom I remember you and sorry you're feeling lonely

@dancemom welcome back- sorry it didnt work out. It's hard to be single right now I find and the offerings on Tinder are so dire xx

Hi @dancemom. Apologies everyone I'm struggling to keep track of all the updates at the moment so very conscious I'm not acknowledging all the individual developments. Not at all ignoring. Things move so fast on here!

@confused1974 I guess it depends what you're looking for right now. A connection that focuses on the physical side might be what you want. Longer term without the mental/intellectual stimulation could be harder. I know I probably wouldn't be able to keep it going on fantastic kissing for too long!

Handsome no2 who said at the weekend that he wasn't ready for a phone /virtual call, has tweaked his profile with new pics and a reference to not being sure he's ready to meet "but happy to be persuaded'. Pretty much supports my theory that he's tickling several different conversations to keep them alive while expecting J-Lo to swoop onto Tinder, be utterly captivated by him and be of adequate calibre to 'persuade' him. So I've dropped him a note to say I'm not on Tinder to be part of that kind of competition. But nicely . I'll unmatch once there's been time for him to read it. Just like Mr Sex on Legs from a couple of weeks ago. Ughh.

I do have a wee dilemma about Mr DJ. We had moved off app to WhatsApp a couple of weeks ago but meeting before I went on holiday was too complicated and I handled it a bit awkwardly at the time, but we recovered, during which time he said he thought he'd be happy to meet when it was convenient. However our chat while I've been away has dwindled to a couple of times a week and just a few messages at a time. Maybe that's typical when someone's away and the whole connection is still so early? He's also tickled his Hinge profile in the meantime. I'll be back home by the weekend.

Am thinking about messaging him with a kind of 'has our ship sailed?' message - which if it doesn't rekindle unbridled enthusiasm then I guess it might force the answer 'yes' or, worse, force some kind of pity-meeting he might not have the heart for. Or is it better to assume that a worthwhile connection would have kept the chat alive even during holidays, and therefore time has just run its course on this connection?

@FireandBrimstone so did you meet Mr DJ prior to your holidays or just chatting? If its early days, then I guess understandable that he might tweak his profile or leave you alone to enjoy your holidays, the latter which I think I would do as I would feel I'm bothering someone.

I'm in a slightly similar boat as off on hols this weekend and we provisionally have a 2nd date for when I get home. I very much doubt I'll hear anything between now and then. I would love someone to be pursuing me and chasing dates but it never seems to happen with me or they pursue then take a step back when I actually like them!

I would personally drop Mr DJ a casual note on your return and say you're back and whether he fancies meeting. At least then you'll know either way. Keep it light.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry to here these developments. So frustrating. Happened to
me with the one hinge match i had, good chat, as soon as i sent him my number he vanished. Maybe he was a BOT? do they just vanish then when they get other information from you. Happy to hear you got more chats on the go. How‘s your course? or is it holidays?
@SortingItOut i will do my very best. He‘s only got me as his dad isn‘t around and never has been. I think we are really close and i know him very well, he‘s pretty honest and really likes to discuss stuff going on in his life. In fact keeping him quiet is a lot harder. I‘m doing my best to not show my shock and be too judgemental with him and his friends. I‘ve had a bit of a chat about porn but not easy as i have never ever watched any myself.
@dancemom i am sorry you feel this way. Definitely been there too. Not easy. I‘ve been a
single mum for years with a terrible relationship success rate. I suppose i don‘t have advice but just want to say you aren‘t the only one going through this. And also many relationships that look amazing on the outside aren‘t working on the inside. Hoping you‘re feeling a little better and guess you have to get yourself out there and start sifting through the dweeebs.

@Misty9 I'm so pleased you were able to discuss things today in therapy and recognise why you feel like this and also how you can manage it going forward.

Blinkin' childhoods causing so much damage.

🤗🤗