Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'd update... if there was any change...

Nope still the same here

@Dancerinthemoonlight @MayEye @Naimee87 thank you for your responses. I just don't see any point in taking new pictures at the moment. (I know I probably sound like a bit of a miserable cow there!)

As I've said previously, my mum has to take them for me, and she always wants to make me up beforehand and it turns into a bit of a to do do, just for the sake of a few pictures.

Plus I've just remembered that I've linked my Instagram to my tinder account, and there's some more recent pictures of me on there. I shall point this out if and when he next asks I think ❤️

Hi everyone,

Well, things went up a gear slightly with Mr Specs last night. He went to a jazz concert last night and I'd asked him if he enjoyed it. (I've always wanted to go somewhere like that. It sounded really cool)

He said 'I did. You'll have to take me some time'

I said 'so you'd like to go out with me?'

He sent back '😮😘'

I said 'I'll take that as a yes, then...'

He said 😮 very assuming of you 😉'

I think I'm going to have to be more direct with him without flirting, and ask him outright if he wants to go out. I'm nervous, but I think I'm ready to broach the subject properly 😊❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi everyone,

Well, things went up a gear slightly with Mr Specs last night. He went to a jazz concert last night and I'd asked him if he enjoyed it. (I've always wanted to go somewhere like that. It sounded really cool)

He said 'I did. You'll have to take me some time'

I said 'so you'd like to go out with me?'

He sent back '😮😘'

I said 'I'll take that as a yes, then...'

He said 😮 very assuming of you 😉'

I think I'm going to have to be more direct with him without flirting, and ask him outright if he wants to go out. I'm nervous, but I think I'm ready to broach the subject properly 😊❤️

I'm pleased you're getting some progress with MrSpecs. Why does he keep saying 'you'll have to take me'? How are you reading that?

@BelladiMamma I don't know, to be honest. It might just be a sense of humour thing? Either that or he thinks I've got more money to spare than him! 😂

He works (he's an IT support analyst) I'm on Universal Credit. I get a bit of a top up due to my disability.

@BelladiMamma I've just had a thought. He probably thinks I work as well as being a student.

I don't, though I do do some volunteering for a social enterprise. ❤️

@Naimee87 My only advice would be to be as open as possible.
Not to force any conversation on him but when he brings something up to discuss it with him.
Also to remain non-judgemental even if you're shocked by what he says. Never to shame or criticise no matter what they've done as you want him to always be able to speak to you.

A bit like with some of his friends watching porn,instead of saying its really bad and they shouldn't do it to actually explain about the porn industry and what it means for women (and men) and about amateur porn and consent issues so he can then make his own mind up.

Also when the time arises you can always have a contraception talk, I know he's young but if he asks about condoms to talk about it all, he might not be having sex now but if you can get him being open and honest and not embarrassed then it stands him in good stead for when he is sexually active.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma I've just had a thought. He probably thinks I work as well as being a student.

I don't, though I do do some volunteering for a social enterprise. ❤️[/quote]
Yes I don't get it. Tbh it would annoy me a bit. If you're discussing potential dates I prefer someone to be more transparent eg I'd really like to meet, how about you? Do you fancy the cinema / jazz concert etc. Maybe just wait and see but he seems a bit like he's getting you to second guess things? Which doesn't stop you from being the transparent one - then his response will tell you where he is? ♥️♥️♥️

@BelladiMamma thank you. I'm going to ask him outright, so I know where I stand at least ❤️

Fantastic parenting advice there @SortingItOut and I hope to have the same levels of open/honest communication with my dc when they're older.
@Naimee87 glad to hear things are still going well with Mr Elf and you've managed to keep in touch!
@Misty9 come join us on the smitten bench 😍 it's a bit scary but very nice! I'm not sure what to advise on the fear of rejection front- agree with pp in wondering what it would take from him and if that's feasible or if it's something you need to resolve in your mind? I'm another that needs a breather post-dtd and I'm not up for conversation, just a cuddle before going again ideally

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma thank you. I'm going to ask him outright, so I know where I stand at least ❤️[/quote]
I hope that goes ok ♥️

@BelladiMamma ❤️

A quick update from me . Mr Breadcrumbs has popped up again - it's like he has some weird radar that senses when I'm starting to move on

It's been just over a month since I decided to block and delete him after establishing we both wanted different things and because I wanted the trail of breadcrumbs to stop.

He's contacted me about a work issue using my work email address. We spoke briefly on the phone and hearing him again has made me miss him all over again. I wish there was some kind of pill I could take that would erase this man from my memory. This short conversation has made me lose interest in the two very nice (and keen!) men I have been talking to on Bumble, which also makes me

This is the pattern of our relationship. He chases, I don't respond, he chases more, I eventually do respond, we meet up, I reciprocate, he freaks out and says he can't do it for [insert reason here].

Maybe I'm overthinking this but he started the conversation with "I bet you're thinking I knew he'd find an excuse to get in touch..?"which has made me think - he's still interested. I need help.

It's a very depressing cycle, yet I keep getting sucked in.

@Languidleopard

A quick update from me . Mr Breadcrumbs has popped up again - it's like he has some weird radar that senses when I'm starting to move on

It's been just over a month since I decided to block and delete him after establishing we both wanted different things and because I wanted the trail of breadcrumbs to stop.

He's contacted me about a work issue using my work email address. We spoke briefly on the phone and hearing him again has made me miss him all over again. I wish there was some kind of pill I could take that would erase this man from my memory. This short conversation has made me lose interest in the two very nice (and keen!) men I have been talking to on Bumble, which also makes me

This is the pattern of our relationship. He chases, I don't respond, he chases more, I eventually do respond, we meet up, I reciprocate, he freaks out and says he can't do it for [insert reason here].

Maybe I'm overthinking this but he started the conversation with "I bet you're thinking I knew he'd find an excuse to get in touch..?"which has made me think - he's still interested. I need help.

It's a very depressing cycle, yet I keep getting sucked in.

That's borderline stalking. Toss him right back x

@Languidleopard I agree with @Belladi. You need to move on from him. He's using every excuse in the book to move his way back into your life. ❤️

@BelladiMamma thanks, I actually was a bit myself so you've made me stop doubting myself. It's tricky when work stuff is involved though, difficult to know where the boundaries should be.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards that little exchange sounds annoying! He mentioned you going out together then seemed to lose his nerve?! I have tried to hint sometimes, even really bloody obvious hints and it's never worked out, so have just started being direct. I always feel like then at least if they cool off a bit (rather than saying outright no which is unlikely) you can do the same! 💁‍♀️ I dunno hope it goes well being direct with him!

@Languidleopard Mr Breadcrumbs sounds like a manipulative user 😯 I know the type well.. how do these men have no shame to keep coming back

Thanks for your feedback Bhub and Onwards I know I need to move on, and your responses have strengthened my resolve I can do this!

Quick update from me - I have a potential date with MrMud on friday evening . We haven't decided where we are meeting yet, but I might suggest nearby seaside town for an evening beach stroll and a drink in a bar (the town is about halfway between us so it seems a fair compromise). I've never done an evening date as a first date before, I normally go for a day time walk and coffee.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma thank you. I'm going to ask him outright, so I know where I stand at least ❤️[/quote]
I agree with Belladi on this one. Working up to doing this myself with the deep thinking man I'm chatting with. Go for it and find out either way 🤞

@Bbub @BelladiMamma thank you so much for your messages. 😘❤️

I'd love to be able to say that I've asked Mr. Specs out but I haven't had the opportunity, because I've just been on Tinder all ready to
Message him and get things out there, and he's unmatched with me! His messages and everything have disappeared! Either that or he's deleted his account. How weird!

We didn't have the opportunity to exchange numbers either. Not that I think that would have made much difference because he would have blocked my number if he had it.

I don't know why he did it. I fell asleep last night because of my painkillers (I take cocodermol) and I messaged him earlier this afternoon to apologise for missing his messages. I Didn't hear back from him, but that isn't unusual. I thought I'd hear back from him this evening.

I don't understand it at all. Why didn't he just tell me if he wasn't feeling it? Then we could've parted with no hard feelings, and moved on.

Oh well, it's done now. Onwards (haha) and upwards 💕❤️

@Languidleopard didn't realise you had also messaged, I'm sorry. 😘

Read my post to @Belladi and @Bbub for my update ❤️

@Languidleopard good luck for asking your Deep Thinking Man out too. You've got this! ❤️

Onwards sorry to read your update. He sounds flaky. Probably a bullet dodged 😅