Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ActonSquirrel

I never fill my profile in because it is all bollocks anyway. People can say what they want

I put loads of effort into dating.

Shouldn't take everything at face value.

I agree actually. I don't think you can generalise. I've tried different ways - lots of fun stuff, nothing, something in between. Doesn't make much difference really.
And I've contacted guys with various approaches. Except "just ask", I won't be told what to do!

I think with the old style it was a lot more stark with a blank profile (POF, Match, OKC) but the new style apps (Bumble, Tinder) it's just not really expected any more.

I’m only on one site (paid for). Is that unusual do you think?

Again this thread has a life of it's own with all your stories and updates. So pleased to hear from dancer" the lovely creator! And 'onwards' too. Good luck with your date '0's. @Dee03 this changing of texts/communication seems to be a running theme with all OLD. They draw you in, you get hooked perhaps even have a spectacular date then it begins to fade and there just isn't a whole lot you can do without coming across as needy. Best thing to do is get on with your day and not let it take over easier said than done. Life continues without them and actually hassle/wondering free! @MayEye i believe it was you who had MrTG and you finally closed the chapter. So not easy for you i can imagine but definitely the right choice. @BelladiMamma* great news about your health! But sorry about MrBeard, what a plonker! The being 'strung along' is so annoying.

Quick Elf update. He's been here since Sunday night and we've pretty much spent the last few days/nights together with a few hours spent doing our own things. However there are a few 'amber flags' as he is someone who has his own timeframe. It isn't a deal-breaker per say (yet) but I have told him i'm really looking for someone who i can rely on. He's getting better at communicating though and he seems to have a million friends and as he's job hunting (we did his CV together) he's just enjoying the most of his free time. Once he's back into work-mode we'll hopefully get a better routine going but if not i'll definitely have to bring it up and see how we go from there. We've talked about a trip on the weekend. He's super spur of the moment and given how he worked before he's got no issue with a 'quick' 3hour drive to explore somewhere and come back in a day or two. I do really like him and think i'm invested which could come back to bite me. Perhaps i need to be more open/trusting which is so difficult as the minute i've relaxed into any relationship it seems to just begin to change/fail. He's given me no reason to doubt that his feelings are genuine. But i'm very aware that in the past i've made excuses for behaviour i don't actually want to tolerate and i do not want to end up doing this again.

Just doing a recap of where I'm at; it might help me to figure out what to do about some of the irons:

MissGinger: very nice but I have now figured out I won't fancy her. Local so could be worth a coffee but would friendzone ahead of meeting so it's transparent.

MissBee: stunning, nice chat but super busy lawyer & isn't really flirting with me. So not sure she's necessarily that into me.

MrLocal: keeps telling me how much he likes me and wishes we were spending time together but we haven't met yet. Is beginning to annoy me. Tempted to bum him off except 3/4 comms aren't annoying

MrLawyer: came to A&E to drop things off for me and on that basis have decided he's definitely worth a coffee. Strange / sporadic communication style but is also very busy.

MrCyprus: going into date 3 with a potential for FWB. Nice looking and quite sensible.

MrItaly: has sorted out his living arrangements and no longer living with ex. Has suggested dates for a couple more dates. Really got on with him at date one and we've stayed in touch. Has Covid at the moment.

Couple of other chats but not sure they're going anywhere

I've made a tiny bit of effort on my bumble and hinge but not on tinder. I'm never short of matches on tinder, I matched with 90% of people I swiped right on even when I had no picture!! So I never thought I needed to make any effort there 😅

But I'm a hypocrite as I almost never swipe on people with blank bios 🤷‍♀️ I at least want your height on tinder

@Shuffleuplove

I’m only on one site (paid for). Is that unusual do you think?

Yes it is; I'm only on one site as well though. I was in hinge and bumble but I found all the hinge crop were really flaky

... Not that bios translate into real life. Last guy I went out with had things such as 'gentleman' and 'own place' in his bio and he lived with his parents (think he had a property on rent, which doesn't count IMO) and tried to invite himself back to mine after a VERY brief drink, didn't offer to walk me to my car or say I looked nice so failed the initial test for bare minimum gentlemanly behaviour.

I did it in an attempt to find quality

@Shuffleuplove

I’m only on one site (paid for). Is that unusual do you think?

I think it's unusual these days to be on a paid site, but not unusual to be on just one site. Not sure which you were asking about (that's my autism showing!).

Aaargh I have so many messages going through my head for the Beard. The fact is, he's flaked on me and if he was so keen to stay friends why the hell didn't he friendzone me and meet anyway? What the hell are you supposed to base friendship on if you're not meeting regularly, sharing things and having a laugh?

@Shuffleuplove

I did it in an attempt to find quality

As long as you realise the men on the paid sites are likely to also be on the free apps.

Why wouldn't they be? Lots of people stopped using paid apps with the advent of free ones.

You might be missing out.

@BelladiMamma

Aaargh I have so many messages going through my head for the Beard. The fact is, he's flaked on me and if he was so keen to stay friends why the hell didn't he friendzone me and meet anyway? What the hell are you supposed to base friendship on if you're not meeting regularly, sharing things and having a laugh?

Sorry the thread moved quite fast today and have been busy at work. You never met this guy?

How long had you been talking?

@Shuffleuplove

I did it in an attempt to find quality

I would have assumed the same before. How is that going for you?

My therapist keeps telling me to get on the paid ones (keeps mentioning guardian soul mates even though its long gone), but since I saw someone here say they seemed full or people who can't pull on the free ones I was really put off.

Also they are way more expensive than I imagined, I would pay a netflex style 5.99 a month but the prices are wild in my opinion!

Urgh, I'm tired (have been working with spreadsheets and stats all day) and Mr Cricket is quiet as I can only assume he is swotting for his flight exams tomorrow (hopefully he is covid free). DHL have had my parcel(a desk) on the van all day and I'm playing taxi service for my ex so had it arrived by now he could have built the desk for me tonight.

I have I had a similar experience with a paid site years ago. Cheaters, liars, time wasters, those looking for a shag.

You get more replies to messages as presumably they want their monies worth but they aren't any more likely to like you than on a free site. Like each other rather.

My most promising iron reckons he’s only on this one paid site. I don’t suppose there’s any point in him lying as he would presumably be relatively easy to find on another site.

I guess there's no "magic bullet solution" for apps. I just know I'm personally fed up with the free app vibe right now.

It isn't a "men vs women" competition I want to be in love and have a working relationship with someone with a penis, but I do think the stats are skewed on the free apps?

So men in my age range who are on them regularly "know" they can get a massive turnover of new faces

and even if they aren't "born playboys" that can let the power go to their head a bit (if they're reasonably attractive).

Plus in my 20's I'd say I had slightly different standards so would have accepted flaky behaviour, drunkenness, no common interests, oversexed behaviour, as I was curious about meeting random new people and wanted to go "out-out"! (plus I was a bit of a Twat as well so I was doing the same thing!)

I want something more dull and sedate now.

@SpringlikeBunk

I guess there's no "magic bullet solution" for apps. I just know I'm personally fed up with the free app vibe right now.

It isn't a "men vs women" competition I want to be in love and have a working relationship with someone with a penis, but I do think the stats are skewed on the free apps?

So men in my age range who are on them regularly "know" they can get a massive turnover of new faces

and even if they aren't "born playboys" that can let the power go to their head a bit (if they're reasonably attractive).

Plus in my 20's I'd say I had slightly different standards so would have accepted flaky behaviour, drunkenness, no common interests, oversexed behaviour, as I was curious about meeting random new people and wanted to go "out-out"! (plus I was a bit of a Twat as well so I was doing the same thing!)

I want something more dull and sedate now.

Are you in your 30's now? I can't remember. I'm 50 and go 45-60. Tbf there are a lot of blokes in my age range and very few of them are attractive to me. The women are a bit hit and miss too. I've found that when my profile isn't hidden I've been inundated so as I lick my wounds from Beardflake I'm keeping it hidden and just swiping to see if things have changed massively. There are lots of new faces but nothing that's super promising. Let's see.

@Naimee87

Again this thread has a life of it's own with all your stories and updates. So pleased to hear from dancer" the lovely creator! And 'onwards' too. Good luck with your date '0's. @Dee03 this changing of texts/communication seems to be a running theme with all OLD. They draw you in, you get hooked perhaps even have a spectacular date then it begins to fade and there just isn't a whole lot you can do without coming across as needy. Best thing to do is get on with your day and not let it take over easier said than done. Life continues without them and actually hassle/wondering free! @MayEye i believe it was you who had MrTG and you finally closed the chapter. So not easy for you i can imagine but definitely the right choice. @BelladiMamma* great news about your health! But sorry about MrBeard, what a plonker! The being 'strung along' is so annoying.

Quick Elf update. He's been here since Sunday night and we've pretty much spent the last few days/nights together with a few hours spent doing our own things. However there are a few 'amber flags' as he is someone who has his own timeframe. It isn't a deal-breaker per say (yet) but I have told him i'm really looking for someone who i can rely on. He's getting better at communicating though and he seems to have a million friends and as he's job hunting (we did his CV together) he's just enjoying the most of his free time. Once he's back into work-mode we'll hopefully get a better routine going but if not i'll definitely have to bring it up and see how we go from there. We've talked about a trip on the weekend. He's super spur of the moment and given how he worked before he's got no issue with a 'quick' 3hour drive to explore somewhere and come back in a day or two. I do really like him and think i'm invested which could come back to bite me. Perhaps i need to be more open/trusting which is so difficult as the minute i've relaxed into any relationship it seems to just begin to change/fail. He's given me no reason to doubt that his feelings are genuine. But i'm very aware that in the past i've made excuses for behaviour i don't actually want to tolerate and i do not want to end up doing this again.

I read this with interest as the situation of being in each other's houses is one that can bring up different things that don't happen when you're not in each other's space. Personally I find it really hard to have anyone else in my place & I can become quite intolerant. Equally it's a gut feel thing. If you don't like someone being in your space you need to listen to that.

Can you break things up with MrElf during the daytime a bit and then come back together in the evening?

Well it's been nearly 6 hrs since Mr Trains last msg plus he's just been online on WhatsApp but not msgd me so I'm assuming he's a knob who never intended to meet me.....what is the bloody point!!! Such a waste of time!! Thank god I wasn't invested in this one really....but I'm still annoyed 😠

@BelladiMamma

I'm 30's! Great age but I think the eligible guys in my age range can be fairly arrogant and entitled and hypersexed as they feel they have women "chasing after them"?

Can go lower in age, but again if a guy has grown up with porn/hookup culture, often they're very "sex obsessed"?

I don't have or want children so that makes things a bit different. So I'm not on a timeline and not "feeling pressure".

@Dee03
Is this the one who's mum "had a fall"? Sorry if I got you mixed up with another poster

@Bbub
Hi, yes it is.....

@Dee03

Well it's been nearly 6 hrs since Mr Trains last msg plus he's just been online on WhatsApp but not msgd me so I'm assuming he's a knob who never intended to meet me.....what is the bloody point!!! Such a waste of time!! Thank god I wasn't invested in this one really....but I'm still annoyed 😠

It's possible that if he told the truth he's got family whatsapping him for updates

WE HAVE CONTACT. I REPEAT, WE HAVE CONTACT!

Ok I'm clearly over-invested already probably need to talk myself down a bit but it's hard when you've been so adamant that all men are rubbish for so long!

But I had reason to contact him as I had an excellent idea for the weekend we are supposed to be seeing each other next that was time sensitive as it needed booking before it sold out. Sent him a message about it and went out for the day, left my phone in my bag and returned home to find about 15 messages from him about how great it sounds and let's do it.

He's been doing 12 hour days as he's struggling to work from home and had some kids related shit to deal with as well which I totally get as we'd touched on it previously and I also have stressful offspring!