Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma
Well let's see if I get a call in the next hour or 2....just don't want to waste my day off hanging around! If no call then I'll be blocking and moving on.....god I hate this dating malarkey lol

@wontsomebodythinkofthechildren I also don't think you're being needy. You're concerned and showing that you care. That's a great thing ❤️

Dee03 this to me smacks of someone really wanting to have something in their diary with someone so suggested something that to me would be way too much for a date zero. I've had short walks where I couldn't wait to get back to the car so a whole afternoon... and I'm afraid I now think something came up that he'd rather do, so he's made an excuse that you can't really argue with. Who says 'parent' anyway in that context - wouldn't you say 'mum' or 'dad'? But I'm a massive cynic with trust issues. Crack on with your day - if he really wants to meet, he will make it happen.

wontsomeone in my experience a drop off in comms is a sign that something's not right. But I'm a cynic with trust issues and I'm often wrong. I hope you hear from him.

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Hi,
To be fair he did put Mum in the text but I was trying not to be so obvious lol...
I'm very cynical and non trusting too.
I msgd back and said to pls just let me know wether today will be cancelled or just postponed until later and he said he will so let's just see....
This is the part of dating I hate.....which is why I've been single for years

Actually, wontsomeone because you have an established connection it would be totally appropriate to have a chat on the phone. Not necessarily to mention change in comms but to gauge where he's at. You can work a lot out in a phone call that you can't in a message. Good luck.

Good luck with date zeros. I'm living vicariously through you lot as I have nothing, zilch, nada going on myself.

@BelladiMamma

I'm on a bloody roll. A girlfriend just called to see how I was then proceeded to tell me about the dad of a friend of a friend who is in a persistent vegetative state since falling off his horse 5 years ago. 'I don't need those kind of stories in my life right now, thanks for the call but I'm not judging your life choices [which include doing class A's and having an ongoing unresolved relationship with your ex that prevents you from having a healthy one with anyone else] so please don't judge mine. It's not my intention to hurt myself again and I take as many steps as I can to prevent injury.' I'll have no irons and no friends by the end of the week 🤦🏻‍♀️

Did you ask her if she ever gets in a car? Because that's about as dangerous as it gets. I lost a cousin many years ago and my friend's husband was killed in a car crash. I think she should stay at home forever and let you continue doing what you love.

[quote Dee03]@WeWantTheFinestWines
Hi,
To be fair he did put Mum in the text but I was trying not to be so obvious lol...
I'm very cynical and non trusting too.
I msgd back and said to pls just let me know wether today will be cancelled or just postponed until later and he said he will so let's just see....
This is the part of dating I hate.....which is why I've been single for years [/quote]
😅 Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. I hope you get to meet up.

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Thanks
I'll keep you all posted

@BelladiMamma whoop whoop for feeling creative! I prefer Plath's stuff to Hughes though I liked Crow a lot.

@Dee03

I'm admittedly on the cynical side of the spectrum side right now

but I'd message to politely say you hope all is Ok and you will be "out and won't have time to check your phone today but hope to catch up some other time" or something? Take control of the day.

Otherwise you'll just be on tenterhooks all day?

@wontsomebodythinkofthechildren

That's why I'm off the apps - they really are such a headfuck!

Even if there's genuine initial attraction and compatibility, I think a lot of guys feel "one more quick random swipe and OH this new contact looks nice, let's see how this new match goes out of curiosity.

Or they've got the upgrade and can see someone new has swiped on them.

If you think of the sheer volume of swipes on Tinder, chances are that there are 1-2 new attractive/intriguing looking contacts regularly.

Even if they're not "player types" naturally, if they're decent looking and well-mannered and have a little bit about them they always have that option?

But it doesn't allow time to really develop anything substantial?

Like you I don't want to "force things" or be needy early on

(ie pin them down and demand they spend every weekend with me and bombard them with sex and messages - I don't have time myself and I want to take time to know someone!)

But equally it seems like a toxic overcompetitive environment on apps where that's "what you have to do to stay in the game!".

I hope I'm wrong and he comes through and it's just a blip but equally I do think the "game is set up to fail" to a certain extent.

Well just had a text saying she's cut her arm and is very shaken so he's going to stay with her for a while and we could possibly meet up later.....so I'm going to crack on with my day and have a nap as I worked a night shift last night!
I just replied to let me know later what the plan is.... let's see!!

@Dee03

Well just had a text saying she's cut her arm and is very shaken so he's going to stay with her for a while and we could possibly meet up later.....so I'm going to crack on with my day and have a nap as I worked a night shift last night! I just replied to let me know later what the plan is.... let's see!!

@Dee03 🤞🏻

@BelladiMamma

Is it just me or does anyone else suspect there are also bedroom issues with these pen pals that they're not willing to face?

Or am I just clutching at straws? 🤷🏻‍♀️

In any case, the moment they don't want to meet is the time that you know you've dodged a bullet

BelladiMamma - Yay to the all clear! MrBeard can get in the bin, hugs to you.

I've been thinking about what you said about bedroom issues, that's exactly what I think the problem with MrPosh was and why he pulled away as things got serious. I have a strong suspicion he was a virgin or at the very least very inexperienced. It wouldn't have bothered me a jot, but he refused to talk about it. He enjoyed the idea of dating, but when it came to meeting up and making plans he got scared as he was embarrassed by his lack of experience.

@BelladiMamma @SpringlikeBunk I love Sylvia Plath too 🙂 The Bell Jar is brilliant! ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I can’t get a link on here but look up “Nick and the candlestick”

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I can’t get a link on here but look up “Nick and the candlestick”[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk thank you! I will do ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]**@BelladiMamma* @SpringlikeBunk* I love Sylvia Plath too 🙂 The Bell Jar is brilliant! ❤️[/quote]
I 'discovered' Hughes after I read the Bell Jar. Correct way round I think!

@Dirtyduck I think it's definitely one of the possible 'unspoken' reasons that guys flake on us. That and other women.

Thinking back on my conversations with Beard early on he'd said that he found OLD really one dimensional and that people were flaky.

🧐 bit of projection there methinks?

@Shuffleuplove I think Rule 4 of the thread has it covered - 'It's all BS until it actually happens'.

I think to not overinvest you have to be happy in your own life otherwise you're looking for a man to fill a void.
A man should enhance your life and not be your life.

Messaging is fine early on but meeting early is also needed otherwise you build up a relationship based on messaging and nothing else. Lots of people on here have built up relationships by text for weeks/months and then when they meet in person there is nothing there.

If you message a lot before meeting just treat it as a friendship and not think too far in the future about what might be. Keep all chat light and not too deep.

But be clear in your mind what you want from a relationship such as blending families or living apart still so you know you're on the same page otherwise whats the point in even meeting.

Mr Penpal has told me about his bedroom issues. That's why he hasn't met me again I'm sure. @BelladiMamma

I really must stop swiping on people who haven't written anything. I will just never fancy someone who doesn't know the difference between your and you're. And also irons who just ask 'how are you', 'where are you from', 'what do you do' - I don't want to give you all that information before we've even chatted! Say something interesting, be unusual, stand out - reel me in. Then I'll have a proper chat with you, but right now you're just interviewing me! My opening messages are thought through, refer to something in their profile, are witty or a bit left field. Doesn't mean they're not ignored but at least I'm making an effort to stand out from the crowd. Irons who ask demographic questions are like posters who write 'anything you want to know, just ask'. Why should I? You've given me nothing to be interested in or intrigued about. I don't want to feel like I'm filling in my census form.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I really must stop swiping on people who haven't written anything. I will just never fancy someone who doesn't know the difference between your and you're. And also irons who just ask 'how are you', 'where are you from', 'what do you do' - I don't want to give you all that information before we've even chatted! Say something interesting, be unusual, stand out - reel me in. Then I'll have a proper chat with you, but right now you're just interviewing me! My opening messages are thought through, refer to something in their profile, are witty or a bit left field. Doesn't mean they're not ignored but at least I'm making an effort to stand out from the crowd. Irons who ask demographic questions are like posters who write 'anything you want to know, just ask'. Why should I? You've given me nothing to be interested in or intrigued about. I don't want to feel like I'm filling in my census form.

I just went back into Bumble to carry on swiping and I'm totally with you. The person that hasn't bothered filling in their profile is the person who isn't bothered about dating.

Completely agree, if you put zero effort into your profile you're likely putting zero effort into dating

I never fill my profile in because it is all bollocks anyway. People can say what they want

I put loads of effort into dating.

Shouldn't take everything at face value.