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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

991 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 23/07/2021 11:56

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BelladiMamma · 03/08/2021 22:14

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

What I mean by that is, when we were on Bumble, he would constantly delete his account because he 'hated it' and then make a new account and then stalk my profile. 😮

We got on quite well, but every other word was about sex with him ❤️

That's a massive red flag. Just stick to who the hell you are, you're one person with one profile!
BelladiMamma · 03/08/2021 22:18

I'm on a bloody roll. A girlfriend just called to see how I was then proceeded to tell me about the dad of a friend of a friend who is in a persistent vegetative state since falling off his horse 5 years ago. 'I don't need those kind of stories in my life right now, thanks for the call but I'm not judging your life choices [which include doing class A's and having an ongoing unresolved relationship with your ex that prevents you from having a healthy one with anyone else] so please don't judge mine. It's not my intention to hurt myself again and I take as many steps as I can to prevent injury.'
I'll have no irons and no friends by the end of the week 🤦🏻‍♀️

Languidleopard · 03/08/2021 22:20

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

The conversation with Mr. Driver is badly dwindling! Nothing's flowing and we don't have anything to talk about Confused
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yes, it could be the slow fade but there may be another reason. Maybe he's not a big texter, maybe he's had a boring day, he's stressed out about something...it's so difficult to gauge such matters via text I find 😐
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 03/08/2021 22:23

@BelladiMamma I know 🙂 don't worry, I don't talk to him anymore. I blocked him from WhatsApp and everything ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 03/08/2021 22:24

@Languidleopard yes, I see what you mean. I'll see how it goes, but I'm still swiping in the meantime ❤️

Dancerinthemoonlight · 03/08/2021 23:09

I have a date 0 for Friday. Still yet to be named. We are going to a cocktail bar halfway between us. He seems to want to plan what time we will be out to but that might be for his train ticket. I hope he isn't expecting me to drink a lot as I will have 1 maybe 2 drinks and that is my limit.

I came across Mr Army's profile on bumble and he still looks good. I swiped left and have resisted the urge to sent him an Instagram message saying he still looks good. I know where it would lead (amazing sex but no commitment) so I'm not even opening the possibility of that happening.

OP posts:
Shuffleuplove · 04/08/2021 07:20

When it says at the beginning “no dating the thread” what does that mean?

Shuffleuplove · 04/08/2021 07:24

Also is it fair to be having deep and meaningful conversations with more than one iron at a time? I feel slightly unfair! Have met neither in real life but dates are in diary.

Shayelle2009 · 04/08/2021 07:30

@Shuffleuplove no dating the thread just means to not date any of the other posters on here. I think its happened before and some people got a bit upset about it. I think you’re completely within your right to have as many deep chats as you like, until you make a commitment to one person you can do whatever you like!

Languidleopard · 04/08/2021 07:40

Morning everyone! I have date zero with Mr Deep this eve. I'm feeling quite philosophical about it. If he turns up, is a human being and I don't make too much of a tit of myself, I will be happy.

I have a day of zoom meetings at work so I'm not sure how much of my personality will be left by the time I meet him.

So far I feel we're quite well matched communication wise and he picked a place to meet which is local and somewhere I've been to many times and really like. The initial signs are hopeful but I'm reserving judgment. Will update later 🙂

BelladiMamma · 04/08/2021 08:49

@Languidleopard @Dancerinthemoonlight good luck with the date zero's 😊

Dee03 · 04/08/2021 08:55

Morning!
Going on date zero today with a guy I matched with on Tinder last week...he's taking me to Brighton for the afternoon...bit of a risk but I just thought sod it. I'm
Not sure how I feel about him at the moment but I'm hoping this is a good thing as I usually over invest very early on with texting etc but this time I'm a bit meh about it Hmm

Shuffleuplove · 04/08/2021 09:04

Dee03 how do you not invest though? Unless you can see them really quickly? This is all new to me!

Shuffleuplove · 04/08/2021 09:05

Good look with all these date zeros!

Dee03 · 04/08/2021 09:19

@Shuffleuplove
I think I've managed to not over invest with this one, let's call him Mr Train, as there hasn't been much deep conversation or banter....plus I've let him chase me which normally never happens. So this is all a bit different for me but I'm just going to go with the flow and see if we have a connection face to face!

ActonSquirrel · 04/08/2021 09:37

@Shuffleuplove

Good look with all these date zeros!
Agreed. I'm envious Envy

Grin can't wait for debriefing!

wontsomebodythinkofthechildren · 04/08/2021 10:14

Hi everyone, I've been following the threads for years but not really posted much recently as I've not been dating for the last few years (did post a few years ago under a different username though). I was on the apps for a while but had very little desire, interest or hope of meeting anyone who really interested me. I absolutely was not prepared to settle for less than I was worth anymore as this has been a recurrent theme. Had sort of reigned myself to spending the rest of my life single (I'm early 40s). Was still on the apps mainly as a way to reaffirm my belief that there was no one I would be remotely interested in 😂

Anyway met someone on tinder, met up fairly soon and was actually shocked when they turned up as they were absolutely gorgeous (I'm pretty alright myself I think but have a long history of dating down looks wise!) we got on like a house on fire, he's very open about his feelings, past relationship history is very similar, he was very keen but not in that love bombing ridiculous way. Very honest, not a game player. We both have professional quite full on jobs, responsibilities and social lives so it's a few weeks between dates but plans made (instigated by him) including a long term one for an event that we both really wanted to go to with massive excitement about it and an agreement that we would both probably want to go together as we have a shared love for it even if it didn't work out, not really into drama etc.

We've now had two dates which were both amazing. Second one (a week and a half ago) I stayed over and he made me brunch, walked me back to my car, text me before I even got home about how much he was looking forward to the next time. He's very much driven the arrangements to meet again, I've been very clear I'm interested but don't want to appear desperate.

We've made arrangements to do something a specific weekend soon but not finalised what we are actually doing (he has sent some emails about possible things and was waiting to hear back).

I've been away and he had a family event this weekend but we were texting regularly until last Friday (a week post last date). I sent a message on Sunday to say hope he had a great weekend and I was now home. He said it was lovely but exhausting, called me a pet name etc all very nice. I messaged him on Monday evening about a shared interest and he hasn't replied... He could be busy with work or his kids. I do know he has been on the app over the weekend though as his location changed. He's not a big texter anyway has blue ticks etc turned off but I did see he was online this morning as I had our convo open.

I hate neediness and have binned several people off myself for this so I don't want to come over needy but I guess I've over invested already as he just ticked all the boxes and more which I thought was impossible with a cynic like me. Please talk me down before I send another message and come across like a pathetic needy knobhead!

wontsomebodythinkofthechildren · 04/08/2021 10:15

Also congratulations if you actually read all that!

BelladiMamma · 04/08/2021 10:19

@Dee03

Morning! Going on date zero today with a guy I matched with on Tinder last week...he's taking me to Brighton for the afternoon...bit of a risk but I just thought sod it. I'm Not sure how I feel about him at the moment but I'm hoping this is a good thing as I usually over invest very early on with texting etc but this time I'm a bit meh about it Hmm
Enjoy! Do you live near Brighton? I'm very nearby so will send you positive vibes
BelladiMamma · 04/08/2021 10:26

@wontsomebodythinkofthechildren

Hi everyone, I've been following the threads for years but not really posted much recently as I've not been dating for the last few years (did post a few years ago under a different username though). I was on the apps for a while but had very little desire, interest or hope of meeting anyone who really interested me. I absolutely was not prepared to settle for less than I was worth anymore as this has been a recurrent theme. Had sort of reigned myself to spending the rest of my life single (I'm early 40s). Was still on the apps mainly as a way to reaffirm my belief that there was no one I would be remotely interested in 😂

Anyway met someone on tinder, met up fairly soon and was actually shocked when they turned up as they were absolutely gorgeous (I'm pretty alright myself I think but have a long history of dating down looks wise!) we got on like a house on fire, he's very open about his feelings, past relationship history is very similar, he was very keen but not in that love bombing ridiculous way. Very honest, not a game player. We both have professional quite full on jobs, responsibilities and social lives so it's a few weeks between dates but plans made (instigated by him) including a long term one for an event that we both really wanted to go to with massive excitement about it and an agreement that we would both probably want to go together as we have a shared love for it even if it didn't work out, not really into drama etc.

We've now had two dates which were both amazing. Second one (a week and a half ago) I stayed over and he made me brunch, walked me back to my car, text me before I even got home about how much he was looking forward to the next time. He's very much driven the arrangements to meet again, I've been very clear I'm interested but don't want to appear desperate.

We've made arrangements to do something a specific weekend soon but not finalised what we are actually doing (he has sent some emails about possible things and was waiting to hear back).

I've been away and he had a family event this weekend but we were texting regularly until last Friday (a week post last date). I sent a message on Sunday to say hope he had a great weekend and I was now home. He said it was lovely but exhausting, called me a pet name etc all very nice. I messaged him on Monday evening about a shared interest and he hasn't replied... He could be busy with work or his kids. I do know he has been on the app over the weekend though as his location changed. He's not a big texter anyway has blue ticks etc turned off but I did see he was online this morning as I had our convo open.

I hate neediness and have binned several people off myself for this so I don't want to come over needy but I guess I've over invested already as he just ticked all the boxes and more which I thought was impossible with a cynic like me. Please talk me down before I send another message and come across like a pathetic needy knobhead!

Don't feel like you're being needy. It's normal to feel like you want to keep up the communication flow. You could always call him later? Might be easier than torturing yourself with the blue ticks. In any case good luck with everything Thanks
BelladiMamma · 04/08/2021 10:30

@SortingItOut or @SpringlikeBunk one of you mentioned the Ted Hughes - Assia poems. Thank you for that, I've had a good few hours rekindling my Ted Hughes interest. I wasn't fully aware of what happened to Assia. All the stories are terrible.
As a part time writer it kicked me up the bum to write some stuff this morning, which was really helpful and it isn't too crap either

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 04/08/2021 10:31

@Languidleopard @Dee03 @Dancerinthemoonlight good luck with your date zeros! ❤️

Dee03 · 04/08/2021 10:39

@BelladiMamma
Hi,
I'm about 30 min drive away so not far!

I've text him to confirm a midday meet up and I've just had a "my parent has just had a fall, I'm going round there now, I'll call u later" text......now I don't want to appear cynical but I can't help thinking oh here we go again!!! Obviously if it's true then I'm hoping all is ok but I don't know....so now I'm lying on my bed thinking do I continue getting ready and wait around or do I just crack on with my day and if he does call me then he'll have to wait until I'm ready!!

BelladiMamma · 04/08/2021 10:41

[quote Dee03]@BelladiMamma
Hi,
I'm about 30 min drive away so not far!

I've text him to confirm a midday meet up and I've just had a "my parent has just had a fall, I'm going round there now, I'll call u later" text......now I don't want to appear cynical but I can't help thinking oh here we go again!!! Obviously if it's true then I'm hoping all is ok but I don't know....so now I'm lying on my bed thinking do I continue getting ready and wait around or do I just crack on with my day and if he does call me then he'll have to wait until I'm ready!! [/quote]
Oh god I'm so cynical about excuses too!!

Hopefully it's not too serious. Nice weather for a date, if it happens.

Just crack on with your day, he can wait

Shuffleuplove · 04/08/2021 10:55

@wontsomebodythinkofthechildren I don’t think it’s needy to simply point out that there’s been a change of rhythm to his texting. That’s concern, not weirdness. Weirdness is a tribute wall.