Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shuffleuplove

Do you all kiss on the first date? Like proper full on snog?

God no!

It's really great to see you more confident and "chilled out" about dating and chats @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards .

@SpringlikeBunk I had a (very expensive Eharmony subscription a while ago. It was rubbish! Total waste of money and there seemed to be no one decent on there! ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

It's really great to see you more confident and "chilled out" about dating and chats *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* .

@SpringlikeBunk 🙂❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

She lived just outside London and was matched with people in Scotland!!!

@SpringlikeBunk you put
‘It’s giving me a very negative/cynical view of men and humanity and that’s not good. Even with reasonably good screening it’s just so bad right now’

That’s exactly how it made me feel and it’s sad that these shitty apps with the shitty people on start making you think they are ALL like that.. sadly it does get you feeling that way though 😟

Honestly I swiped through the whole of tinder within a 20 mile radius and had no matches, I must have swiped right a total of 5 times.. it’s hideous 😂😂 I've deleted it.

@VanGoghsDog why not? That way you can weed out crap kissers

@Shuffleuplove
I have always snogged on a first date. That's why I'm not keen on meeting for coffee as how am I supposed to snog someone outside Costa in broad daylight for example.

I'd feel cheated if I didn't at least get a kiss for all the effort of going on a date.

And sometimes you can have a boring date but the kissing is amazing which informs future plans. And vice versa of course.

[quote Shuffleuplove]@VanGoghsDog why not? That way you can weed out crap kissers[/quote]
I prefer to know someone a bit before I exchange bodily fluids.

Thanks @ActonSquirrel

Still quite drawn to eHarmony - I guess checking into my emotions, I've been finding dating using the apps is just "too socially Wild Wild Wild West" for me now at my age and life stage.

Using Tinder and Bumble has certainly felt like I'm in a surreal episode of Sex and the City with all these random interesting characters and encounters.

Which is "kind of funny" to post about, but actually isn't emotionally sustainable and sort of boring - I don't want the butterflies and tension, I want to just have a best/good long term friend with shared hobbies who I sometimes share a bed with.

So if I could have a few meets (even if they're long distance and take time to come through) that would work for me.

For distance, I'd be quite happy to meet someone living in some obscure place (with few dating options!) who was happy commuting for a weekend together occasionally.

I've had the good side of "big city living" with quite a selection of dates, but equally I think the guys have the "kid in a sweetshop mindset" too?

So they find me attractive and it's easy to set up first meets as we can just do a city centre meet we both walk to.

But then they know they can meet someone else the next day if they swipe again and so this really stops them wanting to invest time in building a decent connection....

@SpringlikeBunk have you tried OKCupid? I find that a good halfway house - the opportunity to answer lots of questions meaning you have a much better sense of the person than the complete randomness of Tinder etc - but you also don’t really need to pay and can still match, message, etc. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the quality (higher than the usual offerings). I’ve tried eharmony and Elite Singles a few years ago and in both cases asked for a refund almost immediately. Absolutely no better quality and slim pickings.

I’ve just started to very tentatively dip my toe back into the dating pool after yet another few-months-long pointless exercise with an emotionally unavailable man still pining after his ex-wife. WHYYYYYY do I do it?

Just hopped over to Whatsapp with someone I’ll call Mr Median - so help me god.

@SpringlikeBunk

OK if you fancy eharmony be careful with what you sign up to. Read the most recent reviews.

@Bbub that’s what I think too

The conversation with Mr. Driver is badly dwindling! Nothing's flowing and we don't have anything to talk about

Thanks @ActonSquirrel

I've used a "prepay style loaded credit card not connected to my main account" for match.com before and this worked well as it meant they couldn't sneak any money off it as it just wouldn't go through.

So I'd look to do something similar if I did join.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

The conversation with Mr. Driver is badly dwindling! Nothing's flowing and we don't have anything to talk about

Slow fade out?

@ActonSquirrel indeed 👍🏻❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

Thanks *@ActonSquirrel*

Still quite drawn to eHarmony - I guess checking into my emotions, I've been finding dating using the apps is just "too socially Wild Wild Wild West" for me now at my age and life stage.

Using Tinder and Bumble has certainly felt like I'm in a surreal episode of Sex and the City with all these random interesting characters and encounters.

Which is "kind of funny" to post about, but actually isn't emotionally sustainable and sort of boring - I don't want the butterflies and tension, I want to just have a best/good long term friend with shared hobbies who I sometimes share a bed with.

So if I could have a few meets (even if they're long distance and take time to come through) that would work for me.

You've just described my perfect relationship. Surely some guys want this too?

@BelladiMamma

Dating does make me think about sexism/feminism/mental load a lot - I do see a LOT of guys who see progressing in dating/a relationship as "securing or controlling labour or resources of a woman".

Whether its cocklodger lite or longer term plans.

I'm by no means successful, but I do have my own financial plans and see myself as "working hard for my own goals and benefit and interests and retirement".

And often the "I'm in love with you I want blended lives" concept seems to involve me working for the goals and benefit of the man or his children....

I mean if I was with someone for five years and it was great then maybe consider changing things, but otherwise no.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Dating does make me think about sexism/feminism/mental load a lot - I do see a LOT of guys who see progressing in dating/a relationship as "securing or controlling labour or resources of a woman".

Whether its cocklodger lite or longer term plans.

I'm by no means successful, but I do have my own financial plans and see myself as "working hard for my own goals and benefit and interests and retirement".

And often the "I'm in love with you I want blended lives" concept seems to involve me working for the goals and benefit of the man or his children....

I mean if I was with someone for five years and it was great then maybe consider changing things, but otherwise no.[/quote]
I totally hear you.

I've just had an iron message me saying he had a lovely day in London 'but he'd have been happier if you'd have been walking around London with me'. Apparently 'he's here for me' and we haven't even met yet. That to me is just more of the same 'I love you' crap. Which is basically about sticking a sold label on you but leaving you in the cloakroom til you can be bothered to come back to pick up.

There is massive misogyny and sexism. My DD is gay, I'm bi and she's a great person to talk to about 'Hetero normative' relationships as she calls them. She was talking to me tonight about the concept of 'fast future' that a lot of guys do, wanting their women to fulfill a domestic role very quickly.

I spare her the gory details of my hopeless dating life but she's well aware of the dynamics that existed between her father and me.

Oh, and I've just come across Mr Casual on
Tinder. I'd better not swipe right on him, he wouldn't leave me alone ❤️

What I mean by that is, when we were on Bumble, he would constantly delete his account because he 'hated it' and then make a new account and then stalk my profile. 😮

We got on quite well, but every other word was about sex with him ❤️

Right. Deleted the MrBeard thread and blocked him. Told the CF iron who wanted me on his arm in London that I'd decide whether or not I wanted to spend the day with him after we've had a chance to meet for coffee and not before!