Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm not upset about it. I'll know when I find the right person.

For now, I just find chatting to men gives me a bit of confidence.

Hopefully I'll find the right person when I finish my studies and eventually find a job ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

Good to hear belladi and MrBeard sounds

Maybe chill tonight as it’s been such an up-and-down day and make any decisions tomorrow!

@MayEye that’s really bad behaviour

Just posting on another thread has made me clarify how much I’ve gone off the apps - they’ve been ok for sporadic good dates over the last few years

but I’m just finding it too hard to cope with the weird behaviour/micro aggressions to get the good dates?

I have my own MH stuff/early life trauma to process as well and being bombarded with flaky weirdos who see women as “sources” of sex or stability etc doesn’t really help!

It’s giving me a very negative/cynical view of men and humanity and that’s not good. Even with reasonably good screening it’s just so bad right now.

Not sure if this means upping my game in terms of meeting people IRL - moving means more chances to meet people through work

or just a change of site to one of the paid/more boring/mature ones (go to elite singles or eHarmony if anyone has any experience of either?)

The best thing I did was come off the apps. It has made me realise what an actual head fuck they can be. Before I deleted Computer Geek's messages i reread them and I just can't get over how emotionally invested I was in someone I hadn't met, he used me as his shoulder to cry on and I fell for his charm. I know the past 16 months have been a strange time so that probably didn't help but it was weird and so was everything with Computer Geek.

Is it just me or does anyone else suspect there are also bedroom issues with these pen pals that they're not willing to face?

Or am I just clutching at straws? 🤷🏻‍♀️

In any case, the moment they don't want to meet is the time that you know you've dodged a bullet

... Mr Driver has asked me when I'm next free. I've said I'll check my diary.

I mean, I'm flattered that he's talking with me, and he's nice to talk to, but we haven't got much in common (I like reading, he likes history) and we've only chatted for two seconds.

Admittedly, my ex and I didn't have much in common either, and I took a chance on him, but then he got bored with me and has left me with no confidence at all.

I wish I wasn't like this, but I've got to cope with it now ❤️

Checking in!

@BelladiMamma Mr. Beard is a weirdo.

Here, I have 2.5 irons. The 0.5 is Mr. Finance, who apart from being oligarch wealthy, is also a bit patronising so I’m letting him cool.

Others are Mr. Process Engineer, who is looking for a wife-shaped wife to fill the hole left when wife #1 left. He’s very keen and riper than a blackened banana but a bit dull I think.

And Mr. Social Conscience. This one isn’t anything to look at but there’s a something. We chatted on the phone for an hour and it was like only a few minutes had passed. Meeting up soon!

[quote Shuffleuplove]@BelladiMamma Mr. Beard is a weirdo.

Here, I have 2.5 irons. The 0.5 is Mr. Finance, who apart from being oligarch wealthy, is also a bit patronising so I’m letting him cool.

Others are Mr. Process Engineer, who is looking for a wife-shaped wife to fill the hole left when wife #1 left. He’s very keen and riper than a blackened banana but a bit dull I think.

And Mr. Social Conscience. This one isn’t anything to look at but there’s a something. We chatted on the phone for an hour and it was like only a few minutes had passed. Meeting up soon![/quote]
Thanks. I actually think it's helpful to put them in that box. For old pen pals, like there's a little slot at the top and you just shove them in there and maybe at the end of the week the caretaker from Harry Potter comes to pick them up and throw them in a cauldron somewhere

I like your iron description. MrFinance sounds like far too much work

Do you all kiss on the first date? Like proper full on snog?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards give him your availability and go on a date with him. He will have seen something in you that he likes to want to meet you.
If it's not a match on person then at least you have gone out and got over the hurdle of being nervous to meet someone for the first time

@BelladiMamma I kind of feel that with Computer Geek, I know he is a lying cheat (he told me as much) but I also think there was something much bigger than him cheating on his partner with a woman(again he told me as much). I think these penpal ones want someone to listen to their problems most of the time.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards go on a coffee date with him, you never know.

@Shuffleuplove it depends on how it goes.

Argh, I've only been gone a few hours and it's moved so fast on here! @BelladiMamma great news on your health but sorry to hear about Mr Beard. What is wrong with these men?! You sound fabulous so I'm sure the person who deserves you will walk into your life at some point.

As for me, Mr Blue Eyes and I have said we'll chat this evening, but nothing as yet... And I'm out for a drink with a friend anyway so don't really care! His few messages suggest that he thinks nothing is amiss after 4 days of no communication. @SortingItOut yes, it was the festival this weekend so I didn't really expect any contact then, but the day either side just feels lazy. Especially given the content of my last message about feeling rubbish. We clearly see things differently and I'll address that soon...

@Shuffleuplove

Do you all kiss on the first date? Like proper full on snog?

Depends how I feel. I have with some when there was mutual attraction

@Shuffleuplove

Do you all kiss on the first date? Like proper full on snog?

I never have. I'm definitely snog on second date then sex on third if snog went well.

@Misty9

Argh, I've only been gone a few hours and it's moved so fast on here! *@BelladiMamma* great news on your health but sorry to hear about Mr Beard. What is wrong with these men?! You sound fabulous so I'm sure the person who deserves you will walk into your life at some point.

As for me, Mr Blue Eyes and I have said we'll chat this evening, but nothing as yet... And I'm out for a drink with a friend anyway so don't really care! His few messages suggest that he thinks nothing is amiss after 4 days of no communication. @SortingItOut yes, it was the festival this weekend so I didn't really expect any contact then, but the day either side just feels lazy. Especially given the content of my last message about feeling rubbish. We clearly see things differently and I'll address that soon...

Ok I've blocked him on Instagram and I'm going to do the same on WhatsApp. Just maybe not until later tonight. Then I can delete his messages, block him and write his number down somewhere if I want to get back in touch with him

[quote BelladiMamma]@Languidleopard he's a depressive and thinks he's heading for another episode, partly triggered by the reality of maybe having someone else in his life again. I'll be honest, I find depressives utter catnip until the get very bad. I find nothing sexier than a melancholy hot male [/quote]
@BelladiMamma yes! There is definitely nothing hotter than a melancholy hot male. I ended up marrying one 😁

Urgh. I can’t be doing with it. Cheer up or off ya fuck!

[quote BelladiMamma]**@SpringlikeBunk* @SortingItOut* @ActonSquirrel @Languidleopard

I'm a fantasist and unavailable. So is he. What a disastrous combo. But one I go for every time!!

To be fair, this version was way less extreme as we were both conscious of it and he's not an addict. So that's some progress? [/quote]
@BelladiMamma yes, I think each time we're able to notice a pattern of behaviour it's a step in the right direction. Even if you find yourself still acting on the impulse, I think it's still progress.

Anyone have any experiences of eHarmony or EliteSingles?

Not in a position to join right now but maybe in a few months.

Or is it mainly same creepy SoT who have moved over as well?

Eg I thought Hinge was more of a serious friendly site

but then again the two guys who I swapped numbers with - one was after "photo exchange", one met and then was "we're not compatible" (I wasn't that attracted to him myself) but I want to be friends (basically wanted to use the site to groom/connect with attractive females).

And everyone else the chats just fizzled out.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Maybe it's not meant to happen for me yet? ❤️

My CP is playing up as well, so that makes everything harder 😘

Sorry to hear that @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.

EHarmony is rubbish

It was OK 10 years ago. But now no one is on it. Expensive and my friend got matched with people 200km away there are so few people on it.

Not used elite singles but it is very expensive

Thanks @ActonSquirrel that's helpful.

Was your friend living in a big city? I'm thinking that I don't mind paying more if it means fewer wasted evenings

(include my time/travel/a drink etc it all adds up!).

That said, a lot of the Tinder creeps and degenerates have good jobs and pay extra so maybe they all creep across with their collection of dick pics and manipulative behaviour and will be there to greet me!

Although I don't want marriage and kids, my life stage/emotional/dating experiences this year have made me think I would like to start aiming for "serious monogamous partner" so basically not just go on dates for FOMO or if there's little amber flags.

Like I visited my male friend this weekend for sports and hiking and it was great and although we aren't romantically involved, it would be nice to have someone to do the lower key stuff with rather than the hecticness of the dating circuite.

*circuit

@Languidleopard it's all part and parcel of disabled life, I suppose. It does make dating difficult because my mum has to drive me to places (she has a Mobility car for me because she gets PIP on my behalf )

And of course when my CP plays up, it makes it hard for me to relax and enjoy things ❤️

@Languidleopard PIP = Personal Independence Payment ❤️