Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ActonSquirrel

I don't need to at the moment. I saw Mr Penpals messages on Sunday morning on the pop up notification and I've left them unread although I've seen them on the pop up.

I've leaving them like that. He doesn't have blue ticks so won't know they've been left unread but I don't care.

It's great when you get to the stage. I had a very similar iron to your MrPenpal - a lot of the same issues and similar situation in terms of distance, messaging, meetings etc. I am pleased I moved on from him but it hurt more than any of the others. I think it was because we had a fling when we were very young so it gave a false expectation of what we could have.

MrBeard spent about ten minutes typing me a message then didn't send it 😞

I'm now convinced he's going to cancel our dates. On no evidence other than a drop off in comms on a busy work day.

Oh well. I'm a big girl - if he does, c'est la vie.

If he doesn't - my anxiety can go do one.

Dropping in after a while off thread (with a NC to boot) for some thread wisdom. Have an ex iron who haven't spoken to since the end of a relationship but had intended to keep in touch with. Seems to have disappeared from whatsapp, facetime and most social media. Presume might have changed phone number but that's a bit odd if you've an established career. Unless she's too many ex-irons stalking her .... Anyway, slightly concerning in these covid times but is it even my business to be?

@BelladiMamma it’s a good analogy and I can relate!! They will pass though, as they always do. You could meet mr beard and not even like him you know, try not to stress 💗

Hi kerkyra
Sad that I still recognise some names on here & that we're still dealing with flaky dates and bad comms.

Apologies to everyone for my huge intro yesterday. I was having a brain dump about the men in my life.

I have muted & archived Mr Gym, so if he does contact me, I'll only know when I open WA. Which is rarely atm.

Quick question if I may…
Have been chatting to someone via an app for a while, all going okay, she made the suggestion to move off the app (to WhatsApp), I take it this is a good thing?

@JustAnotherOldMan - affirmative. usually that's a precursor to arranging a date IRL

@BelladiMamma Can you move Mr Beard to archive on Whatsapp so you don't kerp checking? The downside is you dont get notified a message comes in so you'll only know if you go into WhatsApp?

The problem with working and messaging is work has to be done so you might be half way through a message and the phone rings or an urgent email comes in.

Have you got anything you can do to fill your time until you go to the hospital so you're not worrying about Mr Beard?

@RayoftheTriffids

Dropping in after a while off thread (with a NC to boot) for some thread wisdom. Have an ex iron who haven't spoken to since the end of a relationship but had intended to keep in touch with. Seems to have disappeared from whatsapp, facetime and most social media. Presume might have changed phone number but that's a bit odd if you've an established career. Unless she's too many ex-irons stalking her .... Anyway, slightly concerning in these covid times but is it even my business to be?

Hi ray welcome back. I can't help but think that if she wanted to stay in touch, she would have made sure you had her contact details. She is an ex-iron after all. I find it hard enough building connections with potential irons to worry about any ex-irons unless it's really easy and effortless.

bella thinking of you and your health and anxieties and Mr Beard dropping off just when you need him most. It's natural to feel like you want someone to care and look after you when you're worried about your physical health, but you are still strong, independent you who doesn't do vulnerable until you know it's safe. I would feel exactly the same so I have no advice, just empathy and a hand hold 💐

@Shayelle2009

Ahh *@BelladiMamma* you poor thing, sorry to hear how you're feeling and really hope hospital goes ok. Try not to stress about anything else just now just look after yourself and the men stuff can wait x

@WeWantTheFinestWines that must have been lovely going to a beautiful wedding and a good reminder of what happy relationships must look like 😂 wow I couldn't imagine ever being so happy and in love, and getting married. Can’t even find one decent guy to go out for a drink with!! 🤣🤣🙄🥺

🤣🤣 me too Shayelle

@RayoftheTriffids

Agree with @WeWantTheFinestWines even if genuinely having a crisis, if she really wanted to directly be in touch with you she would be?

Please respect her privacy/boundaries and don’t try to track her down as you’re “concerned”, just leave it. She’ll be in touch if she wants to be.

@BelladiMamma

One task at a time - just get through the day hour by hour breathe and have a self care period at home when it’s over! Irons can wait for now!

Just a quick one on whatsapp convos and checking online/blue tick status. Sometimes I delete the whole chat to stop me going back and agonising over have they read it etc.. Also stops me rereading and analysing the old convo endlessly. But then I sometimes regret this as I can't do my incessant checking! Overall for the best though sometimes.

@WeWantTheFinestWines and @SpringlikeBunk. Yes that what my intuition was, although concern is genuine, not my beeswax. And I take the point about bandwidth needed for current irons, haha. Thanks :-)

Is it OK to say to someone "I don't think we're a good match as I'm looking to meet someone with their own place" or similar

I'm trying to send a one liner to people instead of just ignoring them (I only ignore if the chat is in very early days like a couple of messages in!)

Or is it best to not say anything? What do you prefer? Being unmatched/ignored/honesty?

Honesty is usually best but when it's someone so new I sometimes think I doubt they care.

@springlikebunk - I think you're right, being concerned doesn't make it not nosey. Very good point (I think that's what you meant).

Right lovely OLD threaders.

I got the all clear from the hospital. I already feel like a weight has been lifted.

MrBeard has declared he's in love with me but can't do a relationship so doesn't want to meet.

I think I'll just to have a medicinal Negroni. By myself. And print out all his messages and light a fire with them.

Gotta larf haven't you 😂

@BelladiMamma great news on getting the all clear 💜

But er what the fuck about Mr Beard 😵

@Bbub

Is it OK to say to someone "I don't think we're a good match as I'm looking to meet someone with their own place" or similar

I'm trying to send a one liner to people instead of just ignoring them (I only ignore if the chat is in very early days like a couple of messages in!)

Or is it best to not say anything? What do you prefer? Being unmatched/ignored/honesty?

Honesty is usually best but when it's someone so new I sometimes think I doubt they care.

I think it's fine - you don't necessarily need to give a reason but you can just say 'I don't think we are a great match but I wish you well' type thing x

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

One task at a time - just get through the day hour by hour breathe and have a self care period at home when it’s over! Irons can wait for now![/quote]
Yup. Back to chauffeuring the DC's, walking the dogs and replacing all my safety equipment so that I can get back on my horse and ride into the sunset. By myself!!

@Isitreallyme177

To everyone worrying that someone has been on WhatsApp and read your message/not read your message, turn WhatsApp last seen and read receipts off. You then you don't worry if they have been online or read your message. It doesn't bother me if someone reads and doesn't reply straight away anymore so I haven't done it but if it's causing people so much stress then do it.

MrWG has that switched off, it annoys me a bit that I can't tell when he's read a message. I can see if I open WA and his thread if he is online, and if he's typing (in my message thread).

To stop myself replying to his messages immediately, I have put him on mute. This just means if I'm doing something not involving my phone, I don't notice a message from him. Even with my phone in my hand I only see them if I open WA generally, outside of a thread (other than his).
It has made me less anxious.

Today he messaged me at 2am (to be fair, we had been messaging past 1am, but I decided not to respond) then resent the same message at 9.46am, and I didn't see it until gone eleven. I told him off for that, and told him I didn't see his messages because I have him on mute as he's not a priority for me. So, that's him told!

If you do want to know when they're online though, you can install a tracker thing. Free for 24 hours, one number tracked. There's about six different ones that all work the same so you could get up to six days free.......

@Bbub

Just a quick one on whatsapp convos and checking online/blue tick status. Sometimes I delete the whole chat to stop me going back and agonising over have they read it etc.. Also stops me rereading and analysing the old convo endlessly. But then I sometimes regret this as I can't do my incessant checking! Overall for the best though sometimes.

I copy into Word, then delete. It is occasionally useful to have access to older texts!

@BelladiMamma

Right lovely OLD threaders.

I got the all clear from the hospital. I already feel like a weight has been lifted.

MrBeard has declared he's in love with me but can't do a relationship so doesn't want to meet.

I think I'll just to have a medicinal Negroni. By myself. And print out all his messages and light a fire with them.

Gotta larf haven't you 😂

@BelladiMamma that's such good news about your health 🥰 you must be so relieved and happy@

But WTAF with Mr Beard???? Is there a chance he's just got cold feet and needs a bit of space? Maybe hold back from lighting the bonfire for a while?

@Bbub

Just a quick one on whatsapp convos and checking online/blue tick status. Sometimes I delete the whole chat to stop me going back and agonising over have they read it etc.. Also stops me rereading and analysing the old convo endlessly. But then I sometimes regret this as I can't do my incessant checking! Overall for the best though sometimes.

Delete the chat??? I check that it has backed up to Google drive daily. I delayed changing phones as long as possible as I was scared my WhatsApp chats would transfer over.

Luckily with Google drive and android they did.