Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ActonSquirrel

Then he said 'I wasn't on his level anymore.' And he 'didn't like me as a lover.'

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards what a bastard. No you're not on his level far too good for him.

Mine ended up in a bit of a mess I still look him up on Facebook and laugh.

Who am I kidding here. My penpal said he doesn't do casual... and here he is involved in casual messaging with me.

@ActonSquirrel thank you 😘❤️

@ActonSquirrel yes, I hear what you're saying... it's funny how people change their minds when things actually happen ❤️😘

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@ActonSquirrel yes, I hear what you're saying... it's funny how people change their minds when things actually happen ❤️😘[/quote]
I don't think he does see me as casual. But can't give me what I want so the end result is the same. 😘

@ActonSquirrel ❤️😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

... He's made it clear he wants something serious, and even though that's what I want too, I told him that I'm just happy chatting to people for the moment and seeing how things go.

I'm finding when I tell guys that I want something serious, they start saying all sorts, so I thought that I wouldn't this time.

Also, I get panicky when I overthink about dating someone and start obsessing, so I'm trying to take things slowly ❤️

In a way, just meeting for a quick coffee, is helpful as it diffuses the anxiety build up.

I prefer to meet fairly soon really. Not Shrek, no twattish tendencies revealed, no red flags - I'd go for coffee.

@VanGoghsDog thank you. ❤️ I hope you're well 😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I agree meet him for coffee as soon as possible. I met Mr Cricket within 4 days of matching with him and it has kind of worked out (maybe not how I wanted 🤣). It also meant we didn't build up an image of each other from messages.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I agree meet him for coffee as soon as possible. I met Mr Cricket within 4 days of matching with him and it has kind of worked out (maybe not how I wanted 🤣). It also meant we didn't build up an image of each other from messages.[/quote]
Thank you @Isitreallyme177. ❤️ I hope everything's okay with you 😘😘😘

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards how exciting.Is he local? Can you say you have a an hour free and just do a quick coffee.
I'm not doing very well on the apps at all. Had high hopes with one guy who messaged me in indepth messages all day and seemed so keen,then when I mentioned I'd like to slow down the messages until we could meet he agreed but carried on with no date mentioned. I asked if he was free this week but he replied with a whole load of things he had to do but def wants to meet at some point. So I've ignored the last few messages.
I seem to have this problem alot,not sure why. Good to chat to but chats could go on for a week or two with no date mentioned and I'm too impatient and hate loads of messages before a meet!

@ActonSquirrel @VanGoghsDog @Isitreallyme177 okay... I've just messaged him back. 😬

Thank you for your thoughts. You've all been
really helpful. (as ever) I wish I wasn't so nervous about all of this. ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]**@ActonSquirrel* @VanGoghsDog* @Isitreallyme177 okay... I've just messaged him back. 😬

Thank you for your thoughts. You've all been
really helpful. (as ever) I wish I wasn't so nervous about all of this. ❤️[/quote]
Yay. Let us know what he says 🤍

@kerkyra

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards how exciting.Is he local? Can you say you have a an hour free and just do a quick coffee. I'm not doing very well on the apps at all. Had high hopes with one guy who messaged me in indepth messages all day and seemed so keen,then when I mentioned I'd like to slow down the messages until we could meet he agreed but carried on with no date mentioned. I asked if he was free this week but he replied with a whole load of things he had to do but def wants to meet at some point. So I've ignored the last few messages. I seem to have this problem alot,not sure why. Good to chat to but chats could go on for a week or two with no date mentioned and I'm too impatient and hate loads of messages before a meet!

@kerkyra! Haven't heard from you for a while. How are you? 😀

What a shame about Mr. Busy. If he's sooo busy, I wonder how he finds the time to go on a dating site?

He lives in Birmingham. Doesn't look like he's very far from me. ❤️

@ActonSquirrel 🙂 will do! ❤️

Anyone else having trouble searching on PoF? The location search doesn’t seem to work, and I’m ending up with people miles away.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck but don't worry so much. I'm doing okay, my lodger moved out today so the place feels really empty and quiet. Mr Cricket is hoping he gets a negative test before Thursday as he is training so hopefully we can have that catch up next week.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck but don't worry so much. I'm doing okay, my lodger moved out today so the place feels really empty and quiet. Mr Cricket is hoping he gets a negative test before Thursday as he is training so hopefully we can have that catch up next week.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 👍🏻❤️

@HairyArsedMan thanks for your really useful feedback re Mr Long Distance. What you said made so much sense. I think I'm so accustomed to Mr Unavailables that I'm completely freaked out by someone being keen and yes you are right, this is his way of wanting to get to know me.

I pretty much paraphrased your suggestion for contacting him to address this, but when I checked WhatsApp he had messaged again, this time cancelling the date on Friday as he no longer has a work thing in my city that day.

He won't be coming here until next month so suggested we either stick to texting or press pause and see if we want to pick it up IRL in September. I went for the latter.

This experience has taught me a lot about how I need to communicate my needs more clearly. It's a pattern I really want to break and simply acknowledging how I need to change how I act is a step in the right direction 🙂

Hello EchoElephant, I remember you.
Onwards I'm not far from brum,about 45 minutes east.
Apart from a 84 year old farmer buying me flowers and declaring his love for me on a weekly basis and some guy from the north east on fb chatting me up( a friend of an ex I met once) bit not my sort at all,that's it.
I get why you're nervous. I used to have adrenalin running through me the night before a date,so much that I couldn't sleep...so excited and nervous! But these days I'm so much more chilled as make sure the first meet is speedy and fitted in to a busy day so it's not my only focus. You can do this and whatever the outcome you will be pleased you did 🙂

@kerkyra

Hello EchoElephant, I remember you. Onwards I'm not far from brum,about 45 minutes east. Apart from a 84 year old farmer buying me flowers and declaring his love for me on a weekly basis and some guy from the north east on fb chatting me up( a friend of an ex I met once) bit not my sort at all,that's it. I get why you're nervous. I used to have adrenalin running through me the night before a date,so much that I couldn't sleep...so excited and nervous! But these days I'm so much more chilled as make sure the first meet is speedy and fitted in to a busy day so it's not my only focus. You can do this and whatever the outcome you will be pleased you did 🙂

@kerkyra thank you so much. 😘 I really appreciate that ❤️

Am not new - have name changed as I'm embarrassed!
I'm currently seeing an ex and previously sex was a bit wild. It's 4 yrs on from the last time we dated and I'm post menopausal, lost my confidence, gained a bit of weight. So, we were kissing and getting a bit intimate - well he was - I was like a rabbit caught in headlights!! I honestly didn't know what to do. Now the thing is - he has improved with age and I now feel a little inferior. He has assured me that he finds me very attractive and fancies the pants off me.
Can anyone relate and if so, how did you overcome what feels like stage fright?

I've not dated anyone since my ex broke up
with me, and the last time I talked freely to someone, it was a disaster! 😊❤️

@Misty9 Sorry to hear your DD has not been well, hopefully she'll be feeling better soon.

Was this weekend the one where Mr BE went to a festival? If he doesnt use his phone much normally I can't imagine he'll use it at a festival.

Do you think Mr BE only contacts you when its time to meet and he's free rather than messaging regularly?
If he does then it sounds like he thinks you're just FB or very slightly FWB.

Thanks @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards overwhelmed was exactly how I felt. Not good.

@Languidleopard

Thanks *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* overwhelmed was exactly how I felt. Not good.

@Languidleopard ❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘

[quote BelladiMamma]@Languidleopard I'd actually really enjoy this, if I felt some spark already. If I didn't I'd just find it like another chore on the to do list. Let him know you've got a busy week and that you're looking forward to meeting him in person. But not too expect too much messaging as that's not your style [/quote]
Thanks @BelladiMama I think what I've taken from this is that I need to make my needs/expectations clearer earlier on. He seemed like a decent bloke, but the long texts weren't doing it for me. I will check they live near enough to meet up fairly soon next time. You live and learn!