Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I realised that I didn't give me date from the other night a name! I'll call him..Mr Metal 😊

Just a quick update as I'm at work, he's asked when we can meet up again! So that's good, hopefully will try and arrange something for next Wednesday as that's the next day I'm free 😂

I’ve gone from one not messaging to one won’t leave me alone. Exchanged numbers this morning, and asked me twice to talk on the phone, sent me a pic of his daughter, loads of messages asking what I’m doing.
One extreme to another. I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I’ve met a few lovely men, one who has turned into a very good friend (no romance at all), but other than that all I’ve attracted are absolute arseholes who think sending a picture of their penis is going to make me go weak at the knees, or that I will send pictures to someone I dont know.

@Languidleopard

A quick update from me.

Following very wise advice from @BelladiMamma I asked both of my Bumble conversations if they wanted to meet up for a coffee IRL, and they both said yes Details tbc...

I'll call the first one Mr Long Distance. Likes to text a lot (bit too much tbh) very keen, has a lot of complimentary things to say about my photos, flirty.

Very good with words, could probably charm a few apples out of the trees if he put his mind to it.

Pushed for meeting for an evening drink, I politely declined. Not really sure if I fancy him. His pictures were all selfies. Likes really long quite intense text exchanges which go on for hours...I'd rather meet and then decide whether he's worth the investment. Lives 2.5 hours away so not sure how he made it through my 10 mile filter

I'll call the second one Mr Deep. Conversations less frequent, less intense and not much flirting going on. A bit more distant. I'm avoidant so his communication style is much more in my comfort zone. Because he isn't messaging me every day and laying in the charm with a trowel, there's less pressure and ironically I'm more interested, not less. Am I wierd? He's more my type physically, has a good array of photos and his bio was very well written. Lives a couple of miles away.

As for Mr Breadcrumbs, I will have to talk to him again at some point this week about work stuff. It will be on the phone which I can cope with. He's still on my mind on and off, but it feels manageable. I'm reaching a place of acceptance little by little.

Must admit I'm not really feeling it today. I'm premenstrual, have had a shit week and now I have masknee...🙄

Oh that's great, hope that both meets go well 🤞🏽😊

@Mylifestartstoday

I’ve gone from one not messaging to one won’t leave me alone. Exchanged numbers this morning, and asked me twice to talk on the phone, sent me a pic of his daughter, loads of messages asking what I’m doing. One extreme to another. I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I’ve met a few lovely men, one who has turned into a very good friend (no romance at all), but other than that all I’ve attracted are absolute arseholes who think sending a picture of their penis is going to make me go weak at the knees, or that I will send pictures to someone I dont know.

Just be straight up and say you're not ready to message all the time especially not before you've met. And then if you're interested ask them for coffee ☕️

Match, coffee meet, delete or date one, repeat.

So dates update ...

Date 1 was nice, interesting, good chat but absolutely no chemistry. Haven't texted him yet to say thanks but no thanks but he hasn't texted me either so maybe he's thinking the same ...

Date 2 was lovely, very much my type, good chat and definitely chemistry. However, he may be leaving the country next week for 3 months for work 🙄

Fml 🤦🏻‍♀️

At least I got out there and dated though!

@dancemom

So dates update ...

Date 1 was nice, interesting, good chat but absolutely no chemistry. Haven't texted him yet to say thanks but no thanks but he hasn't texted me either so maybe he's thinking the same ...

Date 2 was lovely, very much my type, good chat and definitely chemistry. However, he may be leaving the country next week for 3 months for work 🙄

Fml 🤦🏻‍♀️

At least I got out there and dated though!

Good for you! Sorry about the one buggering off. Is it possible he ramped up the charm because he knew he was going away and wants to seal the deal before he goes? Is he likely to be dating when he leaves? Sorry just being cynical Cheryl here xx

Well done for getting out there @dancemom it takes guts!
Had some potentially serious health news that's taking a bit of coming to terms with. Nothing life threatening but could be quite limiting.
Will still read but may not be on to update much

@Heartbeats0708

Well done for getting out there *@dancemom* it takes guts! Had some potentially serious health news that's taking a bit of coming to terms with. Nothing life threatening but could be quite limiting. Will still read but may not be on to update much

So sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing ok 💕

www.psychalive.org/are-you-swiping-right-on-your-attachment-style/

This is another interesting take on OLD ☝🏻

@Heartbeats0708

Well done for getting out there *@dancemom* it takes guts! Had some potentially serious health news that's taking a bit of coming to terms with. Nothing life threatening but could be quite limiting. Will still read but may not be on to update much

Really sorry to hear that :(

Feeling a bit philosophical and flat this evening. How does one stop being emotionally unavailable? Is it even possible? :(

@Misty9

Feeling a bit philosophical and flat this evening. How does one stop being emotionally unavailable? Is it even possible? :(

I have no idea. I hope so 🙏😔

@Misty9

Feeling a bit philosophical and flat this evening. How does one stop being emotionally unavailable? Is it even possible? :(

@Misty9 I really hope so because it was my NY resolution to try and be more emotionally available in 2021 🙏

Some of the things I've been trying to do...listen to my inner voice, keep a journal recording my thoughts, taking things slowly, avoiding jumping straight into sex (I didn't DTD with Mr Breadcrumbs, a major step forward for me), thinking rationally about what I want and need, writing it down and sticking to it, being strict about saying no to anything that isn't what I want and need, being vulnerable in small ways with safe people like friends and family, feeling all the feelings and accepting the sad feelings will pass, having faith in myself that I can deal with negative feelings...the list is long and I'm a work in progress

Thanks @Heartbeats0708 glad I went and have taken that first step to moving on at least.

@BelladiMamma he said he got the phone call about the job offer yesterday. I'm not sure what you mean about seal the deal though, it was a coffee on a Saturday afternoon.

Update from me- have finally bit the bullet and sent a closing off message to Mr TG. Told him I hoped his home situation was improving but I couldn’t sit in the limbo of no communication any more and I was taking myself out of the picture. I also said it was a shame that we couldn’t have developed into a proper relationship and wished him happiness.
He read and hasn’t responded. I’m quite upset really but do feel a little relieved that the ‘what if’s’ are gone now. I just need to talk myself out of feeling guilty and remind myself that he cut me out first without a second thought.

@Misty9 Have you read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl?
The book gives ideas of how you can change.
Personally I think if its deep rooted and from childhood (which it nearly always is) then counselling is needed.

I'm ready to address my issues and my life from childhood to now and I've found a local counsellor who I will start with oncemy daughter goes to Uni.

@MayEye Well done for sending the closure message. I think the fact he read and hasn't responded sums him up.
I hope you're able to move forward now.

@dancemom

Thanks *@Heartbeats0708* glad I went and have taken that first step to moving on at least.

@BelladiMamma he said he got the phone call about the job offer yesterday. I'm not sure what you mean about seal the deal though, it was a coffee on a Saturday afternoon.

Sorry I didn't mean that to be blunt, I've met military types who want to know they've got a shag / girlfriend to come back to. Not necessarily at all the situation you're in. Apologies, it wasn't meant to be a criticism but I'll agree I might have worded it better m. Sorry again

@Misty9

Feeling a bit philosophical and flat this evening. How does one stop being emotionally unavailable? Is it even possible? :(

I'm feeling the same even though I'm hopeful about MrBeard. I'm just feeling like everything is going to be short term in my life before I have the surgery and whilst DC are still at home. Join the Eeyore club 💜

@Languidleopard

That’s a great checklist for small steps in dealing with feeling a bit “emotionally avoidant” ourselves - I’m going to pinch it!

Obviously we are who we are, but definitely resonating with using sex/humour/intellectual analysis to not really show vulnerability?

It’s a balancing act - I think with 99% of the dates I’m meeting off apps (and same for everyone I guess) it REALLY isn’t worth trying to be emotionally intimate

(or even worse, looking back at the kind of guy trying to “persuade me to be more vulnerable and let go ” often they can see some pecuniary or practical benefit to the situation!)

But like you say just little things like being more honest with ourselves about our wants and needs and not using sex as a “Short cut” to intimacy can be useful.

@BelladiMamma the eeyore club 😂 love it

@BelladiMamma

https://www.psychalive.org/are-you-swiping-right-on-your-attachment-style/

This is another interesting take on OLD ☝🏻

This was a really interesting read. Was slightly embarrassed to recognise myself in one of the stories haha 😅

I need other ways of asking "how are you feeling". I think if I ask Mr Cricket how he is feeling anymore it might get tedious (for me as well as him). I also feel it might be insensitive if I ask him how his weekend was when he is currently in isolation due to covid. 🤦‍♀️

And in other news I deleted all of Computer Geeks messages. It feels good to finally say goodbye to something that messed with my head so badly. I reread some of them and I thought to myself he really sucked me in with his charm but he was nothing but a lying cheat who I don't think was ever single.

And my hedgehogs have had babies (4 of them). 🥰 So at least someone is getting some action round my way. 🤣

No problem @BelladiMamma

@Isitreallyme177

I need other ways of asking "how are you feeling". I think if I ask Mr Cricket how he is feeling anymore it might get tedious (for me as well as him). I also feel it might be insensitive if I ask him how his weekend was when he is currently in isolation due to covid. 🤦‍♀️

And in other news I deleted all of Computer Geeks messages. It feels good to finally say goodbye to something that messed with my head so badly. I reread some of them and I thought to myself he really sucked me in with his charm but he was nothing but a lying cheat who I don't think was ever single.

And my hedgehogs have had babies (4 of them). 🥰 So at least someone is getting some action round my way. 🤣

Yay hedgehogs!!

@dancemom

No problem *@BelladiMamma*