Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Mylifestartstoday my experience is similar to yours and others in that infrequent messaging doesn't necessarily mean lack of interest - but it can be a sticking point in terms of compatibility. I'd be more alarmed at his response to you bringing it up to be honest. If you can't communicate about minor issues that doesn't bode well in my book.

As for Mr Blue Eyes, the whole communication thing continues to niggle slightly. He has upped his game a bit and generally replies within a couple of hours if he can, but he's also clear when he can't have a text conversation. Which is fine, and transparent, but I'm not sure it's enough for me. I'm also questioning whether there's enough beyond a (bloody great!) sexual connection... We can't see each other much for the next few weeks anyway so we'll see if it naturally fizzles out. Or I just forget how it feels to be with him!

Hi sweetie @Isitreallyme177 hope you're doing ok.. I changed my spare room into a fitness room and I love it.. just an idea for you! No bed, just equipment and a big wall size mirror like a studio, i love it 🥰 so exciting about IOW festi!!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards and @WeWantTheFinestWines 💗💗

@BelladiMamma yay for Mr Beard 🧔‍♂️ arranging the 2nd date!! ⭐️ It’s ok to be excited if you like him this is the best part, all the build up and happy feels! (I find anyway!)

Agree with @HairyArsedMan you want to be the choice after they have thought about it, only time can tell on that. Good luck on your 3rd date Hairy!

@Mylifestartstoday what does he do for a living, maybe he’s asleep by 10pm, I’m not a big texter it just irritates me, I think Mr Trades is more of a texter I get the inane ‘how was your day’ which I just ignore! I know it’s bad but I just have no interest! Is he messaging less after you’ve met.. any plans to meet again?

Have a lovely Friday everyone! I may be meeting up for a second date with Mr Trades today if he can get out of work early before he has his kid today… i think this 2nd meet will be the decider for me if we stay in touch or not as I’ve been pretty unsure this far. It’s been him persisting which has kept it going.

[quote Eesha]@ActonSquirrel you've devoted 18 months to this man and still no plans to meet? I think you are wasting your time completely. Have you had video calls etc?[/quote]
We have met. Been on a few dates. We got on like a house on fire. Lots of chemistry and plenty to talk about. Then he started a new job 50 miles away. Had some personal problems and then covid hit.

I wasn't allowed to see my own family let alone him since it started.

Yes we have had video calls too but mostly text.

But last met about 18 months ago.

@ActonSquirrel oh I apologise as didn't realise you had already seen each other a few times. The thing is, 18 months is a long time. Now that restrictions are being lifted, could you not take the train there etc and do once a month dates?

@Shayelle2009 have fun on your date. I think worth giving someone a second chance in a less stressy environment and you have nothing to lose. Love that you have set up your own gym!!!

@Eesha no don't apologise 🙂 It wasn't very clear.

I'm not sure if I should try and make it happen or just leave it. See what he does etc.

@ActonSquirrel you have much more patience than me, only you know whether it's worth holding out for. I definitely agree with @Eesha that it'd be worth pushing for some in person meets now restrictions are lifting- his response to this will tell you if he sees you as a partner or a penpal.
Slightly going against the grain here @Mylifestartstoday and I'd do some digging as to whether that's his comm style or whether he's hiding something.
@Isitreallyme177 have an amazing time at IoW! Hope Mr cricket isn't feeling too poorly, I don't think I actually knew anyone personally that had had covid until yesterday when 3 friends(!) tested positive within hours of each other, it's rife here at the moment.
@Misty9 I suppose Mr BE has compromised a bit with upping his game, but only you know if that's enough and time will tell.
Hope you get some good quality time with Mr Elf on your week off @Naimee87. I'm very much excited for my mini break sausagefest with Mr D 😂

Im moving on from him, even if he’s not a texter then his reaction to me asking wasn’t great. My gut is telling me he’s hiding something, but I may just be anxious as I’ve been cheated on.
It’s not the lack of texts, it’s the lack of communication when I said what I needed, no discussion, no consideration at all, just all about how this is him…..well this is me, and im allowed an opinion 🤷‍♀️

Good call mylife. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right. They say you should treat others how you would want to be treated, but I also think it's important to treat others as they tell you they would like to be treated. Because we don't all want the same thing. So if you've told him what's important to you and he's not willing to accommodate that, how would you work out more important stuff down the line? Communication and compromise sounds so boring when we want passion and excitement but surely we need both?

@Mylifestartstoday

Im moving on from him, even if he’s not a texter then his reaction to me asking wasn’t great. My gut is telling me he’s hiding something, but I may just be anxious as I’ve been cheated on. It’s not the lack of texts, it’s the lack of communication when I said what I needed, no discussion, no consideration at all, just all about how this is him…..well this is me, and im allowed an opinion 🤷‍♀️

I'm a big believer in going with one's gut. I'm sorry it went the way it did when you raised the issue but as others have said, it was an important aspect of the potential relationship for you and you did the right thing bringing it up. The reaction speaks volumes, whatever his reason. You're worth more than that.

Well I haven't put my life on hold waiting. I have been on apps and living my life well.

I just haven't come across anyone else I was that into or wanted to meet. Hence why I still wonder.

I must have a full read and see where you are at with dating yourselves!! So I can join in

@ActonSquirrel I'd say there's definitely something there if you've sustained things for this long without face to face contact. But now the pandemic is easing I'd be asking myself if this relationship is sustainable for the future? Are there plans to meet now you can? If not, why not?

[quote Misty9]@ActonSquirrel I'd say there's definitely something there if you've sustained things for this long without face to face contact. But now the pandemic is easing I'd be asking myself if this relationship is sustainable for the future? Are there plans to meet now you can? If not, why not? [/quote]
Last week he was talking about it and has a few times. Now he has barely spoken to me for a week. But he has always been like this.

He has major anxiety issues and now he no longer manage it with alcohol as he is sober now. Before he told me he always needed it to relax him even in relationships...in order to be with someone.

Morning all,
Due to have date zero with MrMud tonight, hoping that Storm Evert buggers off soon as a beach walk could be tricky!

I had a quick check on Bumble as I paid for a subscription a while ago that ends in a couple of days. Loads of blokes have swiped on me, but in a sea of twats, one guy looks great and I've seen him before on another site. So if date zero goes badly tonight, i've got a back up plan!

Any other dates tonight?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - How are you doing? haven't seen you posting much, hope you are ok.

@Dirtyduck good luck with the date tonight.. And the weather!! 🤞

I was supposed to be seeing Mr Pineapple tonight but haven't heard from him since last weekend. He messaged me trying to meet me earlier, asked how I was and I replied saying I was busy and how are you, but he never replied. The contact is always on his terms, which really pisses me off. I can accommodate infrequent messaging but not when they are inconsiderate. If you don't want to have a convo just close it off like "OK good night" or "have a good day" or whatever. Don't start a bloody convo then leave me hanging.

I decided days ago I wasn't going to see him, but he hasn't even messed me anyway. He's another old iron I shouldn't have bothered with.

Big disappointment this week was Mr Italy cancelling our Thursday date, offering to change to Wednesday then going quiet after I said yes. On the weds he was like sorry cant do it anymore. He was going away and getting busy, and was one of these who previously said "sorry my reply times are shocking", but that's just spectacularly rude to leave someone hanging like that.

Happy Friday all (after my complaining 😁)!!

So I have 2 dates lined up! Not feeling particularly enthusiastic about either of them but that's more me than a reflection of them so I'm getting myself back out there!

However Date 1 was supposed to be today but he asked to postpone (totally legitimate reason) until tomorrow. I have Date 2 tomorrow but with the times suggested I could do both. Is it bad to date 2 different guys in 1 day?

@dancemom I think that would be totally efficient of you to date 2 guys in one day! You can focus on getting in the zone for tomorrow and then relax the rest of the time, especially since you said you're not over enthusiastic at the moment 😊

@dancemom

So I have 2 dates lined up! Not feeling particularly enthusiastic about either of them but that's more me than a reflection of them so I'm getting myself back out there!

However Date 1 was supposed to be today but he asked to postpone (totally legitimate reason) until tomorrow. I have Date 2 tomorrow but with the times suggested I could do both. Is it bad to date 2 different guys in 1 day?

You might want to leave room for being spontaneous.

What if one goes really well and you have to cut it short for the other

@ActonSquirrel

Well I haven't put my life on hold waiting. I have been on apps and living my life well.

I just haven't come across anyone else I was that into or wanted to meet. Hence why I still wonder.

I must have a full read and see where you are at with dating yourselves!! So I can join in

@ActonSquirrel I too would be wanting to experience some IRL contact at this stage. As he's only 50 miles away with good transport links, why not? Having a text buddy is nice and all, but it can also be a way of keeping someone at arms length.

From what you've said about his backstory his anxiety sounds like it may be the stumbling block here. And anxiety can be a very powerful force. It sounds like a sad and frustrating situation for both of you 😐

@Mylifestartstoday

Im moving on from him, even if he’s not a texter then his reaction to me asking wasn’t great. My gut is telling me he’s hiding something, but I may just be anxious as I’ve been cheated on. It’s not the lack of texts, it’s the lack of communication when I said what I needed, no discussion, no consideration at all, just all about how this is him…..well this is me, and im allowed an opinion 🤷‍♀️

@Mylifestartstoday I'm with WeWantTheFinestWines and FireandBrimstone on this one.

You know the level of communication you need and he knows what he can offer. The compatibility isn't there and unless you can compromise this is going to lead to struggle and disappointment.

@Languidleopard. I agree. There was no effort to discuss, it was “I’m like this, I don’t message” so no discussion, no meet half way. His way or no way, so I’ve chosen no way.
My boundaries are improving. I’ve hidden my profiles online, I’m just not in the mood now as I really liked him (well, the him that appeared nice, not the real him)

[quote HairyArsedMan]@Languidleopard Yep, it’s a risk, but I’m not really talking about pondering things for days on end - just having some space to reflect.

I’m maybe rare but if it was the other way round, I wouldn’t be too worried about being benched. While I’m not down on myself if I can help it, I’d be a gigantic egotist if I imagined a few hours with me meant that all other eligible blokes had suddenly become ‘lesser’. If there were other options to be filtered, then I’d prefer for them to get on with it. Much rather someone was interested in me after they’d surveyed the field rather than having not done that.[/quote]
@HairyArsedMan your comment has really made me think about the bench and why it can invoke such a strong reaction for me!

I know it's an inevitable part of OLD; I even have my own bench going on right now 😳 so I get it. However...if I feel ambivalent about someone then the idea of being part of their bench is OK with me, reassuring almost, as it takes the pressure off me if I decide not to pursue things.

But if I really feel like I connect with someone, emotionally and physically then the idea of being on their bench makes me feel despondent, fearful of being hurt and like I want to bail.

Because meeting someone I really like happens rarely, and when it does I selfishly do want them to decide their other potentials are "lesser" 😆 to me, probsbly because I've elevated them?

Do others do this or is it just me?

@Languidleopard I totally do this - I think we all do. @HairyArsedMan you're a strong person emotionally if you don't get swayed by this. I think my keen irons have never wanted me to doubt my pole position!! And wanted to know the same goes for them.

@Mylifestartstoday Your gut is always almost right and his reaction- nah bin him.

Communication is a big sticking point for me. Good luck with finding someone more compatible ! x

It is hard to understand the texting behaviour of some people when they claim to be keen and interested but don’t want to be in touch. I remember the sinking feeling of sending messages they’d get read but no reply for ages or just a ‘i was busy’ or an emoji… hours after. There really is no way to tell for definite other than to go off of behaviour. I know some people really hate txting back/forth i personally love it when i’ve the time. I’ll leave texts unread if i don’t and then get back to them when its possible. But it takes just a few minutes to say i’m busy and my opinion is if they can’t take the time to do this then clearly we can’t be very important. Perhaps i’m wrong but i think @WeWantTheFinestWines this is the way you think a little too? My friends in a tricky situation and in the ‘should i, shouldn’t txt him’ phase. After a whirlwind 3month romance after a heated argument she ended things and now really regrets her choice of words but so far not contact in 2 weeks from him God dating is annoying. I feel like MrElf could do a u-turn at any minute even though i’ve not one single reason to justify this. Awful overthinker. Anyway just back from my truck lesson! Test is in a weeks time got to get my head fully in the game!