Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I also believe in honesty. And I'm actually not that bothered about people's appendages - in my experience the size does not equate to the quality of the session.

I'm feeling a bit down already after what I thought was a spectacularly successful date with Mr Teacher. At the end of which he said he'd like to see me again and suggested a specific bike ride. I sent him a message saying I'd got home safe and I'd enjoyed the date, I referred to stuff that had happened and said I was looking forward to our bike ride. When he got home he messaged to say that there'd been a diversion on the road and he'd also enjoyed our date.

Since then, nothing. He wasn't a big messenger before we met but I thought after the date maybe... We spent a lot of the date talking about veganism and how I'm open minded but not ready for that and he thought I might be persuadable, etc... It was all jokey and light hearted and we covered lots of other stuff as well, but it is something that he's very passionate about. I got the feeling he liked me - his first comment was 'yay, you look just like your profile!' and at one point he put his arm around me briefly while we were walking.

But I hate hanging around, so I've just sent him a message saying I'd been thinking of meat and wondering whether he's dating to meet people to convert rather that meet someone? He's seen it and not replied. So I think that means he's not interested in taking it any further. Which is gutting, but I need to know before I take my bike out of storage. Nothing like dating to make you feel great and then shit.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I also believe in honesty. And I'm actually not that bothered about people's appendages - in my experience the size does not equate to the quality of the session.

I'm feeling a bit down already after what I thought was a spectacularly successful date with Mr Teacher. At the end of which he said he'd like to see me again and suggested a specific bike ride. I sent him a message saying I'd got home safe and I'd enjoyed the date, I referred to stuff that had happened and said I was looking forward to our bike ride. When he got home he messaged to say that there'd been a diversion on the road and he'd also enjoyed our date.

Since then, nothing. He wasn't a big messenger before we met but I thought after the date maybe... We spent a lot of the date talking about veganism and how I'm open minded but not ready for that and he thought I might be persuadable, etc... It was all jokey and light hearted and we covered lots of other stuff as well, but it is something that he's very passionate about. I got the feeling he liked me - his first comment was 'yay, you look just like your profile!' and at one point he put his arm around me briefly while we were walking.

But I hate hanging around, so I've just sent him a message saying I'd been thinking of meat and wondering whether he's dating to meet people to convert rather that meet someone? He's seen it and not replied. So I think that means he's not interested in taking it any further. Which is gutting, but I need to know before I take my bike out of storage. Nothing like dating to make you feel great and then shit.

Sorry to hear that ... I think you're near Brighton like me? There are a lot of vegans / other particular lifestyle choices that are very prevalent here & do dictate to a certain extent, people's preferences. But if they care that much about it to be an important factor in a relationship then they should filter before meeting. Not fair on you xx

@JustAnother0ldMan sorry to hear of difficult family news. Bella giving good advice there - absolutely be honest, see if you can fit in a coffee and if not, see if you can both agree to a way of staying in touch that works for you (messages, phone, whatever).

@WeWantTheFinestWines dammit, reflection can be an absolute pain can't it? I hope you're wrong about the conversion objective.
The date itself sounded lovely. Perhaps he doesn't know how to take the message you sent? Fingers are crossed that you get a positive response before long.

Thanks bella. I'm actually quite a bit further West. And he seems to be just a middle aged school teacher and not in any other way hippy dippy. He seems just an ordinary guy who loves life and is enthusiastic about his life choices. I was not at all expecting to be blanked, but so far I have been. And he's the first person I've liked in the year since I've been back on the apps. And just about everyone I know has found someone long term recently - including my 3-month fling from a couple of years ago who we bumped into on the beach and who's getting married!

I can't keep up with the thread but I agree with @SortingItOut if you like someone tell them.

And secondly I agree with all who say, build has nothing to do with Penis size and penis size has nothing to do with how good the sex is. Zero correlation. I've done a fair amount of research 😂

I would never, ever, ever, mention the size of a man's penis to him other than to tell him it's perfect.

It's not something that requires "discussion" at all.

Re the vegan, if veganism is such an important factor for him then he should pre screen and only date vegans! Having said that, I wouldn't be talking to him about meat and if he bored on at me about being vegan I'd sack him off anyway (my most recent ex decided to become vegan, he was dreadful at it, and it was more of a try out, but he never stopped bloody talking about it, I did it with him, it was interesting for a while, but my god he got so dull about it, but then he did seem to only ever be able to think of one thing at a time!).

Re the text after date - same for me with MrGig, he's not followed up at all after our date last Thu, other than to respond to my text the next day. It's the first time in all my dates over the past year (I think that is about six, not sure, not including MrWG) that a guy hasn't wanted to meet up again.
I didn't feel much connection with him, though he was nice enough, so I'm not bothered at all.

Am away at the moment but just waiting for MrBee to suggest third date, we've both said we'll meet up again. He's not much of a texter though. I didn't go for scones at his house, but we had a nice day last weekend, so I've said he owes me a scone.

@WeWantTheFinestWines. It sucks but remind yourself of rule 12. If the small talk about veganism is causing him to be rude enough not to respond, it wasn't going to go very far!
@JustAnotherOldMan another vote for the truth. I always wondered when irons slipped about a tiny lie what other untruths they were hiding. Life happens- going away for a month is nothing

@WeWantTheFinestWines sorry to hear that. I think some people are just exceedingly charming and good at 1st dates so you assume it's wonderful but actually might not be the case. It's annoying when you are on the receiving end thinking it's amazing!

I know what I did wrong! I gave Mr Teacher a special WhatsApp notification sound! It's been the kiss of death in the past so I waited until it felt safe and didn't do it until I 'knew' he wanted to see me again. Argh!!!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Thanks bella. I'm actually quite a bit further West. And he seems to be just a middle aged school teacher and not in any other way hippy dippy. He seems just an ordinary guy who loves life and is enthusiastic about his life choices. I was not at all expecting to be blanked, but so far I have been. And he's the first person I've liked in the year since I've been back on the apps. And just about everyone I know has found someone long term recently - including my 3-month fling from a couple of years ago who we bumped into on the beach and who's getting married!

Try not to overthink what's happening with other people. If nothing else, it shows you that all it takes is one connection.

Tbf, if I'd been on that date with MrTeacher I might have given off unconscious signals that I wasn't enjoying the way the chat was going. I find repetitive / over focused conversation tiring, unless it's about something I'm also really passionate about.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I know what I did wrong! I gave Mr Teacher a special WhatsApp notification sound! It's been the kiss of death in the past so I waited until it felt safe and didn't do it until I 'knew' he wanted to see me again. Argh!!!

That's exactly the sort of thing I'd do 🤦🏻‍♀️

Big hug 🤗 from here. You'll be fine. He may not be the one, that's ok, but then you might have had a miscommunication hiccup and things could pick up from here. Best of everything either way xxx

I gave him very conscious signs! And he took the joke and said that for our next date he'd bring me some earplugs.

Anyway, he replied. Saying "of course not!" but nothing else. I'm still not convinced but will leave it for now and see if he gets in touch again... Impatience is one of my worst traits. I need to know NOW if he likes me and wants to date me and thinks of me and can't wait to see me again... so I'm going to try to chill.

Hmmm..... maybe he had to laugh along at the time but actually doesn't like the trope that vegans always talk about it? I mean, they do, but they probably don't think they do (how do you if there's a vegan at a wedding? They'll tell you! Etc) so on reflection maybe he wasn't keen on that joke, who knows!? Maybe you brought it up more than he did?

I agree with this @VanGoghsDog would never, ever, ever, mention the size of a man's penis to him other than to tell him it's perfect.
It's not something that requires "discussion" at all
I wouldn't want parts of my body to be discussed either unless it was about how wonderful it is 😂 so it's a courtesy. The only time I've mentioned anything is when it's been on the larger side and I've needed a steady start.
Sorry to hear about the weirdness with Mr Teacher @WeWantTheFinestWines he sounds a little flakey, or is this how his comms have always been?
Hoping you also get some clarity @SortingItOut limbo is an awful place to be. Did you say you're going to talk it through next week? I'm another that's reluctant to mix family and lovers but if it's important to you and you're serious then it needs to be addressed.
Another perfect evening with Mr D 🥰 oh gosh I like this one!

@Naimee87 yeah mr Romania has no baggage, has been married and divorced but no kids and no hard feelings. I like mr yacht but he’s proper boyfriend material, I don’t think he’s the type for no strings and I don’t know if I can do it either - just have to wait and see what happens when he’s back from work again I suppose, that’ll be the end of September - good job I’ve got LDR experience 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️😂

@SortingItOut basically he lives 2.5 hours away, the only reason we happened to match on tinder was because one of his deliveries must have put his location within my search area 🤦‍♂️ he came down to me for date zero and he’s coming down again at the weekend to take me out. It just happens that he has a delivery today within reasonable distance so we thought we’d meet for a coffee as an extra - I’m just worried as that’s what I used to do with mr lorry and maybe I’m just trying to replace that. I don’t think it’s him trying to just see me when he’s in the area for work - he’s making a lot of effort to drive down at other times too.

I hate dating. I want mr lorry. Blah blah blah. Why me 😂😂

Thanks all,
My dad died of cancer in 2018, & my mum got the same diagnosis yesterday & they are going to operate on Monday, so pretty serious, might have to give old a knock on the head for now as may have move into her house (fortunately I can work from there) and support her
Cheers all

@JustAnother0ldMan, sorry to hear about your mom’s diagnosis. I’m sure she will really appreciate you being there. As others have said I would be honest with the new person that you are chatting to and maybe focus on it being a friendly connection whilst you support your mom.

@JustAnother0ldMan

Thanks all, My dad died of cancer in 2018, & my mum got the same diagnosis yesterday & they are going to operate on Monday, so pretty serious, might have to give old a knock on the head for now as may have move into her house (fortunately I can work from there) and support her Cheers all

Sorry to hear that. Good luck with everything, caring responsibilities and whatever you decide to do about OLD

🍀🍀🍀💜💜💜

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Definitely agree there’s a lot of 1-2 date wonders out there!

I think with the apps if anyone is “halfway decent” they feel they have a lot of choice so aren’t that enthusiastic even if they feel a good connection and if you’d met in real life through work they’d be well chuffed?

Glad I’m off them for now tbh - I hate that feeling that there’s an “expectation” to “pin down” anyone decent ASAP.

Just a random screening question. I’m slightly chatting with someone working away (I mean SLIGHTLY as in I was clear I didn’t want lots of messages so just very occasionally)

Social media screening (stalking) - is who he is etc

But there’s a very prominent bit on social media with him going on about his “best female friend” along with photos and praise? Complete with photo of them together. She’s very physically attractive.

This makes me sound like a controlling nutter and of course men and women can be friends

but I don’t really want to engage with someone who has loads of female friends who have all “friend-zoned” him? Just isn’t appealing

Thoughts?

@SpringlikeBunk

Just a random screening question. I’m slightly chatting with someone working away (I mean SLIGHTLY as in I was clear I didn’t want lots of messages so just very occasionally)

Social media screening (stalking) - is who he is etc

But there’s a very prominent bit on social media with him going on about his “best female friend” along with photos and praise? Complete with photo of them together. She’s very physically attractive.

This makes me sound like a controlling nutter and of course men and women can be friends

but I don’t really want to engage with someone who has loads of female friends who have all “friend-zoned” him? Just isn’t appealing

Thoughts?

Just the one? From when? Are they colleagues?

I have 2 or 3 very close male friends who have become much more important to me since I lost my brother. They were also friendly with him and they've helped me out of a few scrapes in recent times.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I know that I like to take a bit of time out to think about how a date went for me. I realise this 'pause for thought' can be infuriating as so many seem to want a 'hell,yes!' guy in their lives. Unfortunately I don't work like that very often. So usually I say that I enjoyed the date (when I get back) and that I'll be in touch soon.

If anyone can think of a better way of leaving us both a bit of time to think about things after a first date, I'm all ears (literally, since we're talking about sizes of appendages )

I feel I'd be ok if someone was to say this to me in person 'I'd just like to take a bit of time to think if you don't mind' but in my experience this is almost as bad (for the date) as a face to face rejection.

@SpringLikeBunk Is this a variation of the When Harry Met Sally question ? That men and women can't be friends, so you'll actually be dealing with some unrequited competition ?

@JustAnotherOldMan

Sorry to hear about your Mum and all the best for her op, hope things go as well as can be expected 💜

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I also believe in honesty. And I'm actually not that bothered about people's appendages - in my experience the size does not equate to the quality of the session.

I'm feeling a bit down already after what I thought was a spectacularly successful date with Mr Teacher. At the end of which he said he'd like to see me again and suggested a specific bike ride. I sent him a message saying I'd got home safe and I'd enjoyed the date, I referred to stuff that had happened and said I was looking forward to our bike ride. When he got home he messaged to say that there'd been a diversion on the road and he'd also enjoyed our date.

Since then, nothing. He wasn't a big messenger before we met but I thought after the date maybe... We spent a lot of the date talking about veganism and how I'm open minded but not ready for that and he thought I might be persuadable, etc... It was all jokey and light hearted and we covered lots of other stuff as well, but it is something that he's very passionate about. I got the feeling he liked me - his first comment was 'yay, you look just like your profile!' and at one point he put his arm around me briefly while we were walking.

But I hate hanging around, so I've just sent him a message saying I'd been thinking of meat and wondering whether he's dating to meet people to convert rather that meet someone? He's seen it and not replied. So I think that means he's not interested in taking it any further. Which is gutting, but I need to know before I take my bike out of storage. Nothing like dating to make you feel great and then shit.

@WeWantTheFinestWines sorry to hear Mr Teacher hasn't been in touch.

I'm not a vegan, neither do I want to become one, so I would probably have found lots of talk about being a vegan a bit dull. It's good that he's passionate about something but would have been better if you were able to share the passion, iyswim?

How would you feel about going to a great restaurant together and ordering a steak with blue cheese ?

I guess if you can both accept each other and live and let live it wouldn't be a problem? It shouldn't be a deal breaker at this stage. Feeling like someone was trying to change something about me on a first date might put me off actually.