Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Yes I totally agree it's what you can do with it that counts, and height is no guarantee anyway.. I don't want a ginormous one nor a tiny one, its a gamble til you get your kit off isn't it 😂

Yes about the lying! Part of why I have a sort of cut off is if I say they have to be minimum 5'10", if they have exaggerated by a couple of inches I can still deal with it 😂 My ex was 5'7 but said he was 5'10 so I'm just going on experience

Meeting Mr Teacher for date zero in half an hour. Getting nervous. Man I hope I like him...

[quote SortingItOut]@Onesmallstep67 In my mind meeting his friends and family means he is serious about us and I'm not just a stop gap.

I'm wary of being taken for a mug or used, I think because we started off as FWB I'm slightly worried he wanted to be my boyfriend so we were exclusive plus of course I don't trust my judgement after staying in my emotionally abusive marriage.

Mr K has said he is very happy, that's he's pleased we met, that I'm very important to him.

I think I'd be ashamed if this relationship went wrong given my marriage also failed so I'm wary of throwing myself 100% in but seem to expect Mr K to throw himself in nearly 100%. After my marriage ended I vowed to stay single forever and kept my barriers up so high, I let them down ever so slightly to let Mr K in but its scary.

@BelladiMamma My family are pretty unique, they are working class, from the countryside and not very well educated so they say what they think. Not everyone gets them so its a big thing to meet them, Mr K really likes them whereas I'm squirming at some of the things they say.

@Languidleopard Thanks for your thoughts, it has been a nice progression.[/quote]
I think the only thing you can do is to talk it out. The positives are that you two do seem to be talking and both putting the same effort in. Also with family - he likes yours, there's been no backlash after meeting yours. If you're worried about being in an abusive relationship just think about all the opportunities he's had to be abusive but hasn't taken them. Sorry if that sounds slightly negative, but I've found it a useful benchmark. Also he might think your family is really cool so no need to meet any of his?
For example, after meeting my family my exh proceeded to talk about female cousins in comparison to me - such & such was prettier than me but so and so didn't like me much had I noticed? Totally fed into all my self esteem issues and made me paranoid around them. Thankfully I've shaken all that crap off!!
And @Languidleopard speaks much truth

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Meeting Mr Teacher for date zero in half an hour. Getting nervous. Man I hope I like him...

Good luck 🤞🏽

@WeWantTheFinestWines hope you have a great time and fancy the pants off Mr Teacher

the height thing for me is also in the hope that they will be in proportion in the trouser snake department too

In my vast experience, no correlation at all. In fact......if they are taller their todger can look smaller even if it's average, due to the proportions. I've often been a bit surprised by a "smaller" one but soon realised it was not smaller, just seemed smaller on a bigger chap.
MrWG, however, is 5'10" and not blessed in the trouser dept!

On the height thing, I'm not really bothered. Given the choice is probably go taller than me (5'6") but Mr D is the same height as me and I really haven't noticed it. I did wear heels once and was taller obviously but he loved it and I felt sexy.
Best of luck @WeWantTheFinestWines I hope it's a great date zero!
Getting completely invested in the flirty football coach!

@VanGoghsDog haha soo funny and true, last guy I slept with was 6'3 and he was a decent size but in proportion to his body it didn't look much 😂 god I feel so mean.

OK maybe all this talk is convincing me I can go for shorter guys which helpfully opens up my options 👍

@WeWantTheFinestWines God luck with Mr Teacher

@Naimee87 thanks for asking, I’m struggling a bit tbh, I had properly fallen for him. He’s started liking some of my stuff on Facebook which I keep overthinking, but he hasn’t tried to get in touch.

I have a couple of new irons on the go to try and take my mind off things.

1. we’ll call him mr yacht. Works 8 weeks on and 8 weeks off, offshore as he’s a chef on a super yacht. Very polite, very articulate, had drinks with him last night and a lovely lunch date today, ended with a kiss and that we’ll see each other soon (he flies back to work on Saturday)

2. we’ll call him mr fencing. Went to watch him play football as a first date (v casual and just my kind of thing) met a couple of his friends. Saw him again Saturday night, met his business partner and his wife, stayed up till gone midnight as a group just laughing and talking. Seems very disinterested though, but swears he’s not and is just “really busy” but if I back off because I feel like I’m getting nothing, he asks why I’m being off with him. So a bit of a mind fuck which I’m not sure I can cope with right now

3. let’s call him mr Romania. Because he’s Romanian obvs. Another lorry driver - I seem to have a type 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ met him for a drink, nice bloke but verrrrry intense and talks about sex a lot. Turned up to the date with a dozen long stemmed red roses and some chocolates. Possibly seeing him tomorrow as he has a delivery near where I live.

Any thoughts ladies? To be honest I’m not over mr lorry but he’s made his choice and I have to accept that as hard as it is 😢😢

@Iamclearlyamug

Sounds like you've been busy with the dating, good thing to try and help you move on from Mr Lorry I guess. I can totally relate, I'm not over my ex at all but I'm trying to accept its not going to work out and getting on with life.

Mr fencing sounds like hard work, if you're already a bit vulnerable his hot and cold behavior is not going to help. I don't know how to balance the backing off thing with not seeming "off", I'm working on that too after reading Why Men Love Bitches (It says men don't respond to words they respond to lack of contact).

I had a giggle about intense Mr Romania being intense and with the chocolates and flowers!

Maybe you should focus on the ones who seem the most low risk and fun?!

I had a date planned with Mr Italy for Thursday, he's asked to change it to Wednesday which is annoying but I am free so just said yes, but he hasn't replied to firm up details or anything yet and in the meantime another iron Mr Footballer asked if I'm free tomorrow 🤦‍♀️

Also waiting for confirmation from another iron Mr Pineapple about meeting on Friday... I feel at this point I could end up with 3 or zero dates before the weekend!

Just got back from date with Mr Teacher. He's really sweet! We spent 3 hours wandering on the beach, he'd brought some food we ate while looking at a rainbow, I made him laugh a lot and at one point we were actually skimming stones and singing Crocodile Rock!!

He's a bit preachy about being a vegan, but could take it when I ribbed him about it. He suggested a bike ride for our next meet, somewhere in the middle, as we're over an hour apart and he came to me this time.

He's very smiley and chatty and we're on the same page politically, which is really important to me. And I think I fancy him - he's only slightly taller than me, which would normally be an issue but just isn't. I would have liked a kiss but he didn't go in for one, so I'm hoping for one next time. Overall I'm quite excited and really looking forward to seeing him again 😊

Re height and sausage size - I agree with no correlation. Ex was 6'2" and built like brick shithouse, not very big... First fling post LTR, 5"6" and hung like a horse.

@BelladiMamma Yes, he did say he had a great time but not exactly chomping at the bit for a 2nd one though I am going on holiday for 2 weeks. It was only a 1st date though so I may pick up after my hols and see whether he fancies a 2nd one.

Can I just say I really hate the uncertainty of dating plus this whole chasing mallarkey. I do wonder whether my niceness is dull and whether I need to treat em mean, keep em keen.

@Iamclearlyamug Mr Romania sounds like Mr Lorry was at the start, dozen red roses and chocolate sounds rather love bomby.
Wasn't Mr Lorry always passing nearby so you met him lots?

I'd tread carefully with Mr Romania especially as he mentions sex all the time, have you told him to stop?

@Eesha I posted the other day about how we expect men to chase us and tell us their feelings to show they're keen but women are supposed to play hard to get🤷‍♀️
Where's the equality?

What if the men wants a woman who shows she's interested and if she's playing mean then he thinks she's not interested?

And before you know it 2 people have drifted apart when they might have been a good match.

Someone has to be vulnerable and admit they're interested- why can't it be either person rather than the man?

Niceness is never a negative, you are doing fine as you are.

@Iamclearlyamug

Agree with pps - MrRomania does sound a little bit intense?

I guess emotionally you're just at the "random rebound meets for distraction" stage now after MrLorry.

so just tread carefully and be mindful of boundaries and maybe you'll feel you've moved on anyway soonish.

I find within the first 1-2 meets most contacts naturally fizzle out

so maybe none of these irons are goers but just take it lightly.

@SortingItOut exactly!! I'm so not a treat em mean person but I think there is such a candy shop mentality with OLD where people are addicted to that first rush of excitement and move on very quickly. I'm the opposite and get excited having the one who I click with so I tend to overinvest and then they move onto the next one who might be more unavailable than me. There has to be a happy medium.

@Bbub I’m sorry that u can relate - it’s a horrible feeling isn’t it 😢 totally agree about Mr fencing, I’m determined this time though that I’m not going to make the mistake of chasing as in my experience if a guy wants to see u then they will 🤷‍♀️ I’m not waiting around, especially while I’m feeling a bit vulnerable 🤦‍♂️

@SortingItOut this is my concern, that perhaps on some level I’m trying to replace mr lorry with mr lorry mk2 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ that can only end seriously badly right?

@SpringlikeBunk yeah I don’t think any of these will come to anything, the most suitable on paper is almost certainly Mr yacht but we’ve only had 2 dates and now he’s away for 8 weeks working - that’s far too early to wait around although we’ve agreed to keep in touch while he’s gone. Mr romania is an interesting one, but like I said just above im worried im just trying to replace like for like what I had with mr lorry. I’ve come back off the apps for now though, I can never put up with them for too long it’s a bit intense and overwhelming

I was definitely intrigued to see how MrElf measured up in the trouser/snake department as he’s the shortest man by far i dated. M friend properly scared me the night before my first evening date at my place where i was alone with him. She told me she‘d dated someone exactly his build and he was tiny down there! Anyway happy to say MrElf is a good size definitely no complaints but nothing jaw-dropping either. Also it‘s all about chemistry and how the other person makes you feel. In my experience men who are bigger are lazier…
@Iamclearlyamug good to see you are moving on, i think Mr Elf is similar to MrRomania as he too is intense and is from a similar country (and is a truck driver, very much my type) we had some text hiccups in the past given the language barrier but i‘m taking it as it comes but can imagine given the last experience MrRomania’s behaviour now isn‘t doing him any favours. Has he got baggage? MeYacht could be good for right now given you probably don‘t want ‚strings‘ at the moment?
@Eesha i‘ve often thought this about myself and that i‘m just too nice/boring so once the ‚chase‘ is over so is the excitement. I think this happened with MrS but instead of doing the decent thing and telling me he just kept me on the back burner and i was so smitten i sat there for ages. Never doing that anymore but also not changing myself either i like my character even if i am a bit naive and trusting, its who i am. I just don‘t have it in me to be a game-playing bitch?
@WeWantTheFinestWines sounds lovely! I do love a good rainbow.
@SortingItOut i hope you get things clarified the not-knowing limbo is one of the worst places to be. Am i correct in thinking you‘d like this to be a committed relationship but you aren‘t wanting to blend lives and this is where the worry is on your part. For now he is agreeing but later down the line you are worried he will change his mind? I couldn‘t do a FB or FWB relationship i‘d get massively attached. As for meeting family i‘m so close with my parents i forget how much of a big deal meeting them can be to others and its significance. I‘ve only been seeing MrElf 6 weeks and they already know so much about him. He also has a habit of showing me who he’s with when he facetimes so i’ve seen his mum, dad, cousin and uncle. Awkward. As they don’t speak any english. I am totally looking to build a family unit though for me and my son as we never had this. Whether i can make it work with MrElf given all the cultural differences is still to be seen. Navigating dating isn’t easy.

@Iamclearlyamug It will end badly unless you put some boundaries in place.
I mean its nice to get flowers and chocolates but a dozen red roses and chocolate on a first date/date 0 - thats what happens in movies not in real life.
Its clear love bombing and you need to be mindful of that.

When he delivers to your area do you just meet him for a coffee or just a chat or a meal out?
I'm wondering why you're squeezing 'dates' in during his working day - surely if he likes you he'll come out of work time and not have to be clock watching?

This is all really interesting re game playing. I find that I want to show some vulnerability early on to see how they react. In previous relationships this would have been sharing something about my last whereas now I'm more 'I'm so nervous about meeting up' - but generally once they know they're attracted to me. I just feel there's no point pretending I'm an ice maiden / super confident sex goddess. Cos obviously on looks alone that's what everyone thinks I am 😜
But seriously I find it a good ice breaker and a good indication of what sort of person they are. Eg whether or not they give an honest or genuine response? Or in the case of MrBeard just talking it through after the communications hiccups we had earlier.
Talking of which we are both on a countdown for our meet up & think if we get on could manage 2 x month meeting up.
I haven't told him about my surgery in September as I don't have all the details and honestly if we don't get on at the first meet it's none of his business.

Hello All,
Need a bit of advice really, I have a chat going with someone, let’s call her MrsB, (all good so far), not met yet (but I think if I asked we probably could), anyhow, I received some difficult family news yesterday and may have to relocate to another part of the country soon (like next week), for a while (maybe a month), should I just tell MrsB outright or just kinda pretend I’m still here (my home), and try to stall her a bit ?

As for this
measured up in the trouser/snake department
Am properly scared now, do you make comments to the guys faces, it’s very much a ‘What is see is What you get’ kinda thing 😵‍💫

@JustAnother0ldMan

Hello All, Need a bit of advice really, I have a chat going with someone, let’s call her MrsB, (all good so far), not met yet (but I think if I asked we probably could), anyhow, I received some difficult family news yesterday and may have to relocate to another part of the country soon (like next week), for a while (maybe a month), should I just tell MrsB outright or just kinda pretend I’m still here (my home), and try to stall her a bit ?

As for this
measured up in the trouser/snake department
Am properly scared now, do you make comments to the guys faces, it’s very much a ‘What is see is What you get’ kinda thing 😵‍💫

I would definitely tell her the truth, not sure what you'd be gaining by lying to her? Would be a big red flag to me if you'd lied about where you were living.

However you could tell her and ask her if she's free for a coffee before you go? That way if you get on you could have more meaningful conversations whilst you're away.

Re trouser snake, I think when you're in a good sexual relationship this is definitely the sort of thing you'd discuss but not on a first date!!!