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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has gotten fat

179 replies

fancyaflatwhite · 21/07/2021 21:09

I feel terrible but it's now really making it hard for me to be attracted to him and have the respect I want to have for him.

I've tried gently encouraging exercise and suggesting walks together for many, many years now. But he doesn't stick with it and is a comfort eater. This isn't just about remaining attracted to each other, it's about health too. His father died young from a heart attack

What would you do?

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 24/07/2021 14:55

Running 7km each morning and maintaining the same diet will work for some people.

Just because it didn't work for you, @Veronika13, doesn't mean that it won't work for everybody. I'm a regular runner and can maintain my weight that way. I also sometimes don't run for long periods, and if I start to gain weight, I run to lose it. When I'm in a period of running a lot (if I'm training for something, say), I can eat what I want without gaining any weight.

Everybody's body is different. Different things work for different people. Not everybody is just like you in terms of fat loss, just as they don't have the same face and aren't the same height etc.

user1481840227 · 24/07/2021 15:59

@TheFoundations

Different bodies, in the same way as you may have a bigger or smaller nose, deal with calorie excess and loss in different ways. Some bodies will deal with a deficit by going straight to 'BURN THE FAT!!', and others will deal with the same deficit by cutting other functions to run at less than optimal. Obviously, at some point, all bodies will lose fat at a sustained (but ultimately unsustainable) level of high deficit, but many people cut calories by a couple of hundred a day, as per many dieting recommendations, and don't lose weight at all. They do feel crap though (anxiety/poor skin condition/sleeplessness/mood swings etc), an that's because their body is dealing with the calorie deficit by being a bit lax on homeostasis.

This is never explained by WW and the like. They just make the assumption that all bodies are the same, and cutting your calories will lose your fat. It works - for some. The fact is, our bodies don't want to lose fat. Fat is the body's savings account, to fall back on in hard times. People who keep their fat despite multiple dieting attempts would last longest in a famine. In terms of evolution, it's way better to have lank hair, spots, and be a bit short of sleep than it is to be short on fat.

This is why some people remain overweight despite trying very very hard to lose fat. I'm sure some are lazy, and some are continually eating too much, but that's not the whole story. I wish that this process was explained more commonly, because I've got a few friends who have become very frustrated over the years with desperately dieting and feeling worse and worse, with no weight loss. The feeling of being defeated adds to the feeling of low energy, and really, at that point, I can understand why the only thing that would make you feel better would be to say 'Fuck it!' and have 3 portions of cake.

The way around it is to know how to encourage your body to burn as much fat as it is able. It still will be slower for some than others, but everybody sees progress at their own rate.

Generally though bodies would start off running similar as every other body. Our bodies are designed to work a certain way, as long as they are fed and treated the right way, but if they're not then they don't run as efficiently. I did read before that babies born to obese mothers are more likely to have altered DNA so they are more likely to store body fat, or something like that, so yes it can be more difficult for some people and not everyone starts off on an entirely equal footing, but I think the biggest impact is what someone is eating over a certain amount of time!

The type of food a person eats or their habits encourage their body to store fat instead of burning it, or their crash diets wreck their metabolism etc..
or the food that they eat can affect their hormones which in turn affects fat storage and so on

so that kind of stuff needs to be sorted out in a persons body before they will really be able to change their weight or how their body stores fat.

TheFoundations · 24/07/2021 16:10

Generally though bodies would start off running similar as every other body

Not really. Yes, we all burn fat, protein and carbs, but the optimum proportions aren't the same for everyone. Yes, everybody uses calories for all functions, including fat storage, but the balance isn't the same for everybody. That's the point I'm making. There isn't a 'standard' fat burning ratio any more than there's a 'standard' skin tone or a 'standard height'. There's an average, but not because most people are like that. It's a mean average; most people are quite far either side of it.

user1481840227 · 25/07/2021 01:27

@TheFoundations

Generally though bodies would start off running similar as every other body

Not really. Yes, we all burn fat, protein and carbs, but the optimum proportions aren't the same for everyone. Yes, everybody uses calories for all functions, including fat storage, but the balance isn't the same for everybody. That's the point I'm making. There isn't a 'standard' fat burning ratio any more than there's a 'standard' skin tone or a 'standard height'. There's an average, but not because most people are like that. It's a mean average; most people are quite far either side of it.

If there was a group of healthy people put on roughly the same calories and macros etc. with obviously some variations for activity level and height etc. then generally most of their bodies will run efficiently without excess fat storage etc.

But it's when you're working with a group who have wrecked their metabolism or disrupted their hormones in some way then that's where there is major differences.

I think one of the issues is that a lot of nutritionists etc. just aren't very good at fixing those problems in people and allow people far too few calories on their plans.

I'm working with an amazing nutrition coach at the moment (I developed digestive issues due to stress) and she's a feeder and gives people loads of calories on their plans and all the food in the plan has a purpose, from balancing hormones, healing etc. and she gets amazing results! She has so many success stories from people who have been put on a lot more calories than all the numerous other plans they were on and they're losing weight and building muscle, women have had their periods start again and some have conceived despite fertility issues. It definitely needs a holistic approach.

I think we're on the same side of the argument here....I'm just saying that initially if people started off healthy then most people would do fine and maintain weight or lose weight or whatever it was on a healthy plan, it's just that most people are not starting off with their body running efficiently so it can can be a hard battle and like you said, that's not explained to people!!

I feel sorry for people who do take the steps to really try to fix it and get themselves on a good plan and unfortunately their coaches or weight loss group aren't educated enough in taking a holistic approach! It must be so disheartening and frustrating!

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