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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband Taking Trip With Other Women??

339 replies

jennnn4444 · 21/07/2021 16:13

My husband has gotten involved in boxing classes over the past year and the place he takes classes is having a getaway/retreat for 4 days away where they will "do a lot of boxing and fun stuff too". There are about 10-15 people attending (half are women, several women are recently divorced). I do not know these women personally, but from things I've seen and heard they enjoy partying, drinking, and going out a lot. They will share a house with a hot tub for 3-4 nights.

I trust my husband and can't see him cheating, but at the same time I worry that he's putting himself in dangerous territory going away for a long weekend, spending every waking hour with these people, and staying in a house with single women and alcohol.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
LifeinPieces21 · 21/07/2021 21:33

I couldn't think of anything worse than sharing a house with loads of people, all dipping in and out of a mucky hot tub. I'd rather share a log cabin with the DH and sharing a hot tub. We have lots of shared friends, family get togethers and wouldn't do this anyway. It's not a trust issue just not our cup of tea. Some couples just love spending time together all the time.

If you do do that good for you.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 21:33

So

He should respect her enough to never do anything that will upset her. He should respect her enough to never stop her doing what she wants to do.
She doesn't need to respect or trust him because men aren't to be trusted.

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 21:33

@Mountaingoatling

I think you meant to tag Moqito?

Mountaingoatling · 21/07/2021 21:35

[quote TheFoundations]@Mountaingoatling

I think you meant to tag Moqito?[/quote]
Sorry!!!!

theheartofthematter · 21/07/2021 22:14

My DP regularly goes away for team things with males and females. I don't worry about it, if he is going to cheat then he is going to cheat and completely fuck his life up. His choice really! (I don't think he would btw)

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2021 22:18

@LifeinPieces21

I couldn't think of anything worse than sharing a house with loads of people, all dipping in and out of a mucky hot tub. I'd rather share a log cabin with the DH and sharing a hot tub. We have lots of shared friends, family get togethers and wouldn't do this anyway. It's not a trust issue just not our cup of tea. Some couples just love spending time together all the time.

If you do do that good for you.

I think we are all different, but that mutual co dependency knocks me queasy, I’d hate to be with someone who wanted to be with me all the time and I was not allowed mates, hobbies, to go and do as I wish and have fun.. pre Covid I traveled for work a lot, I work in a male dominated industry, we’ve had dinner and late nights at the bar, and I’ve holidayed aith my friends,

If you and your husband like a bit of that always together stuff then fair play to you, but it wouldn’t be for me. I’d feel claustrophobic.

toocold54 · 21/07/2021 22:30

I hope OP doesn’t get up to no good whilst he’s away for a couple of nights because obviously partners can’t be trusted on their own.

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 22:32

@toocold54

I hope OP doesn’t get up to no good whilst he’s away for a couple of nights because obviously partners can’t be trusted on their own.
That's a good point. She could be out in clubs or hiring escorts left right and centre.
Tinpotspectator · 21/07/2021 22:36

It's a bad idea.

acolderwar · 21/07/2021 22:44

This reinforces to me one of the reasons that I am happier being single. I would hate to be in OP's situation because no matter how much some posters want to believe that cheating and affairs happen rarely and that you just need to have faith in your partner, the probability of many people cheating in this situation escalates dramatically. All of the observations from
other posters about similar events are quite damning. I just do not have the emotional energy to sit at home worrying about whether any future partner of mine is shagging in a hot tub.

IveShaggedSomeMingers · 21/07/2021 22:46

What @acolderwar said.

LifeinPieces21 · 21/07/2021 22:47

*I think we are all different, but that mutual co dependency knocks me queasy, I’d hate to be with someone who wanted to be with me all the time and I was not allowed mates, hobbies, to go and do as I wish and have fun.. pre Covid I traveled for work a lot, I work in a male dominated industry, we’ve had dinner and late nights at the bar, and I’ve holidayed aith my friends,

If you and your husband like a bit of that always together stuff then fair play to you, but it wouldn’t be for me. I’d feel claustrophobic.*

@Bluntness100 please do not feel queasy or claustrophobic for me. We do have gym, golf seperate time. We do see our Friends separately. However, we have no desire to be in a hot tub together with anyone else or use 4 days holiday spending it with people we exercise with a couple of times a week. Our time is precious and we have a big family and lots of mutual friends. So everyone live their life as they please.

LifeinPieces21 · 21/07/2021 22:52

To be fair I sound really boring but we are probably the opposite, we go out far to much and are never in at the weekend. Thats is probably why I don't have time to rope other people into days away other than my close Friends and Family.

Sally2791 · 21/07/2021 22:55

Sounds like a lot of people and potentially not enough beds to go round...

Itsbeen84yearss · 21/07/2021 23:01

Not a religious thing. More of a respect thing. As someone else said married people don’t normally go out drinking with a load of single people of the opposite sex. They wouldn’t want to because the agendas are different. This is even worse because it involves a hot tub where there will be less clothes and close proximity plus alcohol. It’s ridiculous to even contemplate that this is normal for a happily married person

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 23:15

As someone else said married people don’t normally go out drinking with a load of single people of the opposite sex. They wouldn’t want to because the agendas are different maybe tou only went out drinking to facilitate fornication but some of us just enjoy a drink and a dance with our mates

LifeinPieces21 · 21/07/2021 23:19

maybe tou only went out drinking to facilitate fornication but some of us just enjoy a drink and a dance with our mates

I'm definitely a lot older than you. I don't judge anyone, I was doing that in my 20's a lot.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 23:20

@LifeinPieces21

maybe tou only went out drinking to facilitate fornication but some of us just enjoy a drink and a dance with our mates

I'm definitely a lot older than you. I don't judge anyone, I was doing that in my 20's a lot.

But can you not see, even at your advanced age, that not everyone having a drink is looking for sex?
TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 23:22

As someone else said married people don’t normally go out drinking with a load of single people of the opposite sex. They wouldn’t want to because the agendas are different

Well, yes, so they probably want to go out drinking considerably less often, but that doesn't mean they have to give it up for life. And the objective of this thing isn't 'drinking with single people of the opposite sex', the objective is 'Trip away with boxing mates'.

TheSkatesOfCoachBombay · 21/07/2021 23:23

You either trust him or you don't.

I mean I'm a single woman, I like a drink and a flirt. But married men/men in relationships are a no go zone.

Mind you I don't drink and party to cop off I just party and then end up waking up in bed with a box of 20 MC chicken nuggets 🤣

LifeinPieces21 · 21/07/2021 23:27

But can you not see, even at your advanced age, that not everyone having a drink is looking for sex?

Yes, I see that. I drink with my Friends partners and never once grabbed them for a bit of something in a dark corner. Give over with the advanced age too, I'm very good looking and slim for my age Grin .

LifeinPieces21 · 21/07/2021 23:28

@TheSkatesOfCoachBombay

You either trust him or you don't.

I mean I'm a single woman, I like a drink and a flirt. But married men/men in relationships are a no go zone.

Mind you I don't drink and party to cop off I just party and then end up waking up in bed with a box of 20 MC chicken nuggets 🤣

Sounds amazing, really amazing. I love chicken nuggets.
Guavafish · 21/07/2021 23:29

Can you go with him

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 23:29

@LifeinPieces21

But can you not see, even at your advanced age, that not everyone having a drink is looking for sex?

Yes, I see that. I drink with my Friends partners and never once grabbed them for a bit of something in a dark corner. Give over with the advanced age too, I'm very good looking and slim for my age Grin .

Well if you're definitely a lot older than 40, you're def an advanced age😜. I never questioned your attractiveness or ability to party til dawn 🤣
SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 23:31

@Guavafish

Can you go with him
Dear MN, I want to go away with my hobby group, mixed sex. DH has said i can only go if je comes to supervise as im sure to get drunk and fuck someone m. Aibu to think he should trust me more?
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