Home sweet home. Who gets it?

[AnotherGo]

So I haven't split from my DH but his behaviour this weekend is the final straw. Won't bore you with the detail but he was unbelievably awful. To me. Not to kids.

I know I need to speak to lawyer which I'm getting on with tomorrow but just wanted some practical advice

10 years old I bought a flat by myself (years before I met him). I bought this flat all cash with money from a rich grandparent who died. It was v small and cheap. He moved into the flat 5 years ago. The flat remained in my name.

We had two kids. We obviously outgrew one bed flat.

9 months ago we bought our dream house. With the money from the flat as a 50% deposit. We are both on the mortgage and both paid half for the last 9 months

The house was bought with my money from the flat which I got years before I met him.

He has been an absolute arsehole. Every penny I saved and every penny my grandad saved is in this house. He didn't put in a pound. (Other than 10 months of mortgage payments which of course I would give him)

Does he really get half the house? He hates the houses. He hates everything. Me and my two tiny kids are so happy here. I can't bear to tell my family I've signed half of all that money to him.

The kids custody is an entirely far more difficult and emotional thing which I can't even face. He will go for custody but he uses his love for the kids as a weapon. He will use them to hurt me

Anyway any ideas on the house? How do I find a good solicitor? Once he knows I'm done he is going to go after me for everything I have and care about.

He's entitled to a fair share of the assets so I guess he would get 50% of the house equity yes. Everyone has to be housed in the event of a divorce.

The time to put some asset safeguarding measures in was before you got married. I know it’s not probably want to hear but getting married turned your asset into a shared one. Speak to a lawyer.

I can't bear to tell my family I've signed half of all that money to him.

What was your understanding of the legal consequences of getting married? Him being a complete shit doesn’t change his entitlement.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe of course we both need to be housed. Because he lived mortgage free for 3 years in my flat he has built up a nice savings account just in his name. He won't be homeless. He might have to rent immediately but he will be fine.

I had thought assets split 50% if they were acquired together.

I'm obviously f*cked. And this nasty bully is gonna get half the house and half the kids OR I put up with his behaviour for the rest of my life

Hindsight is a great thing.

Thanks for the replies.

In fairness this happens to men all of the time. Look at it this way, you bought the house with inheritance, so at least the money wasnt made from hours of sweat blood and tears which I would assume would be enraging.

How long have you been married?

Do you have joint bank accounts?

Do you both work full time?

What does he do regularly with/for the children?

@AnotherGo

Well I'm guessing you would get half of his savings?

How much money are you talking about? £30K? £40k?

I'd consider that money well spent to get rid of him to be honest.

Don't forget savings and pensions have to be split too.

You’re married, so starting point is usually 50/50. BUT if you’ve only lived together 6 years it might be different….speak to a lawyer.
Custody should start at 50/50 too, he’s their parent too. Even if he’s an arsehole.
Good luck.

Assets savings pensions all split

@AgentJohnson I thought the 50% split was if you spent years together acquiring assets, savings, pension etc. We have been married 3 years and the deposit money for the house was acquired years before I met him

I can see from the replies I'm clearly coming across as an idiot who doesn't understand s*it. If I knew he was going to be this horrible to me I would have got married, bought a house and had two kids with him. Obviously

Don't forget though that the nice savings account he's built up will also be considered a joint asset so you're as entitled to half of that as he is to your house. You'll have to take absolutely everything into account and it'll be split so you can trade equity in the house for him keeping his savings (although obviously unlikely to be that straightforward)

It’s likely to be 50/50 but please don’t stay with a bully just for your house and money sake. It’s not worth it.

How much equity in the house? How much savings does he have?

• not got married.

I think the length of your marriage will be relevant here ie it's short

Posted too soon
Therefore I think you might have a chance in retaining more than the standard

@HollowTalk together for 5 years, married for 3. No joint account, I manage mortgage and all bills and he gives me money to cover half of that. Both work full time but I'm currently on mat leave. But I could go back tomorrow and will do. He's v good with the kids but he doesn't do anything as such for them e.g. he is loving but not much hard work. They are tiny (2 yrs and 3 months).

This is interesting and quotes 25% for short marriages as an example case

anthonygold.co.uk/latest/blog/financial-settlements-after-short-marriages/

If your married then he owns 50%. As well as you being entitled to 50% of any money/ pensions he has. Sorry but whatever you 'owned' outright before marriage is irrelevant once you sign that register.

I know I'm being naive. He has a v good pension and I don't really. But I don't want his pension or savings or anything from him. I can do this by myself. I just want him to leave me and the kids in our home. I know I don't get what I want just because I want it. I'm such an idiot. I kept putting his behaviour down to mental health and he talked about getting help but he's just nasty.

When you bought the house did you sign a document ring-fencing your contribution or did you sign as joint tenants?

Take half his pension, it will make a big difference to your future.

I don’t mean to scare you, but I think you should look at the custody issue before the property/financial one.

You’re working off the basis that he’ll get 50% of the house and you and the kids will remain in it.

If he is given primary custody (a huge “if”, I know) you might find he’s allowed remain in the house with them and you’re living elsewhere and paying child maintenance.

You need a shit hot lawyer ASAP.

You need to get the free 1/2 hours Sols advice, perhaps he will agree to you having the house if you don’t go after his savings etc. Try and get evidence of these things and copy them.

Also, you’ll get plenty of posts telling you that solicitors will give you a free 30 minutes consultation like it’s some kind of entitlement that everyone has.

This is bullshit. Some do, from time to time, but the good ones tend to have a waiting lists for paid appointments.