Home sweet home. Who gets it?

[AnotherGo]

So I haven't split from my DH but his behaviour this weekend is the final straw. Won't bore you with the detail but he was unbelievably awful. To me. Not to kids.

I know I need to speak to lawyer which I'm getting on with tomorrow but just wanted some practical advice

10 years old I bought a flat by myself (years before I met him). I bought this flat all cash with money from a rich grandparent who died. It was v small and cheap. He moved into the flat 5 years ago. The flat remained in my name.

We had two kids. We obviously outgrew one bed flat.

9 months ago we bought our dream house. With the money from the flat as a 50% deposit. We are both on the mortgage and both paid half for the last 9 months

The house was bought with my money from the flat which I got years before I met him.

He has been an absolute arsehole. Every penny I saved and every penny my grandad saved is in this house. He didn't put in a pound. (Other than 10 months of mortgage payments which of course I would give him)

Does he really get half the house? He hates the houses. He hates everything. Me and my two tiny kids are so happy here. I can't bear to tell my family I've signed half of all that money to him.

The kids custody is an entirely far more difficult and emotional thing which I can't even face. He will go for custody but he uses his love for the kids as a weapon. He will use them to hurt me

Anyway any ideas on the house? How do I find a good solicitor? Once he knows I'm done he is going to go after me for everything I have and care about.

@VodselForDinner

Also, you’ll get plenty of posts telling you that solicitors will give you a free 30 minutes consultation like it’s some kind of entitlement that everyone has.

This is bullshit. Some do, from time to time, but the good ones tend to have a waiting lists for paid appointments.

This......the good ones do not need to do this

Ask around and get a really good solicitor. My mum left a marriage a similar length to yours with everything she'd come into it with. There is a lot of catastrophising going on in this thread but you need real legal advice before you make any decisions. Wishing you the very best of luck

No advice to give but just wanted to say I'm cheering you on from the sidelines. No amount of money is worth your mental health. No amount of money can compensate for bringing up children in a toxic environment.

Of course I don't know your grandad, but if it was me, I wouldn't want someone to stay in a dreadful situation for the sake of money I'd left them.

As for your stbxH, may his next bowel movement be a hedgehog.

Hey OP this is all salvageable, but will involve a little time and energy and short term pain to make it happen.

And it will hurt so start thinking about what emotional support you can get, and let go of any shame you might have about a "failing" marriage or disappointing family. You don't owe anyone your peace of mind, the only people you need to prioritise are your small children, and what's healthy for you will be good for them too.

You have the relatively short length of relationship and young age of children on your side, and while 50/50 is the starting point for a "long relationship", that includes his pension and savings. Get evidence of all of that and invest in an hour with a solicitor to get some realistic and tailored advice.

Re custody, I am hearing that your H is abusive - silent treatment, withholding of affection etc are all signs of emotional abuse, and if his mental health is not good these are all reasons why a court would not award him 50% custody. Take a deep breath and don't beat yourself up about past choices, explain the situation to women's aid and they should be able to advise. My friend has gone through this and it is a fight, and he won't like it, but it sounds like he should no way be in sole charge of the children. You will need to evidence this though and WA can help you think this through.

Good luck, you've got this, and the short term pain will be worth it. Hang on to that picture in your mind of you and your children having a happy life in the home you love, without a sulking bully making everyone feel bad