DP who won’t compromise on anything!

[roarrlikeadinosaur]

Wondering if anyone else has this problem.

DP is lovely, kind and generous but without even realising he sort of dictates how life goes and I have to go along.

These examples are petty but things like decor - his house is done to his taste - pets (doesn’t like cats or dogs so that’s that) and when buying a house it just has to have the things he wants.

He doesn’t demand this in a bullish way or anything but it does leave me feeling a bit like I’m not living my best life to use an Instagram phrase!

Is it his house or do you live together?

What happens when you don’t do things his way?

What happens when you don’t do things his way?

^this

It's all very well saying he's gracious and kind, I should bloody well hope so if he's getting everything his own way.

How does he react when he doesn't get what he wants? Does he shrug and get on with it, does he sulk, or does he turn angry?

Hard to believe this has never been tested... That in and of itself would make me think your relationship is unhealthy tbh

I'm always amazed at how many of these guys are said to be lovely. What's lovely about someone who just wants his own way all the time?

Yes what happens when you dont - this isnt healthy sounding relationship.

How does he dictate?

We live together but it’s his house (I moved in.) Nothing bad, ur just doesn’t even get to discussion!

Hmm. I let DH think he has everything his way. The only thing about which we cannot compromise is art so we have my taste (modern) and his taste (twee traditional). Holidays - he hates different things and adventure - so he bought a house in France without consultation but I love it and dd and I go to different places when he and ds ski (at the same resort year in year out) Decor - he has zero sense of colour or design so I give him three choices I like and steer him hard to my favourite.

I had an ex like this. Indulgent parents who never challenged him and always gave in to his orders played a huge part in that.

EVERYTHING had to revolve around his wants. Where we went, what we watched, what we ate (which extended to him controlling what I ate, as I was a "fat" size 6, which he took great pleasure in telling me)... everything was about him.

This kind of selfishness is deeply unattractive. Like some PPs, I'd be willing to bet he isn't really such a nice guy at all.

I don’t think he’s like that though @BeautyGoesToBenidorm

@roarrlikeadinosaur I feel your pain. I moved into my partners house like you and feel the exact same as you. Maybe it’s because ultimately they have the power because it’s their house? Sometimes I don’t push things because I think if it escalates what if I end up homeless!

Oh that’s horrible @Seabreeze21 I’ve never felt that, just the same it is very much DPs home.

@roarrlikeadinosaur

We live together but it’s his house (I moved in.) Nothing bad, ur just doesn’t even get to discussion!

Don't waste another minute on a man you can't have discussions with. Right now it's small stuff, like paint and cushions on the sofa, but life has a habit of throwing shite your way every now and again and you don't want to navigate that stuff with a man who you can't talk to. I spent fifteen years with a man like that and I was never heard, about anything, I just didn't count.

What happens when you say no I don't want X I want y and stand your ground?

What happens when it's big things though...like kids....etc

Do you mean in respect of having them or parenting? We have a ds.

@roarrlikeadinosaur it’s always hard being the one who moves into someone elses home. Sometimes I feel like it’s my home but now and again something will remind me that it’s actually not. Have you discussed bigger things such as kids and marriage? As my thoughts are if they struggle to compromise on smaller things what happens with bigger things?

Have you given him an idea of the things you want from the house you are both looking to buy? What does he say?

If be tempted to chuck a few random things at him on the house front and see what he says "I want a walk in wardrobe / utility room / conservatory"

Be fair people I’m not going to come home with a puppy or suddenly rip up the carpets, these are things that need discussion. It’s the fact he assumes we don’t need to discuss.

@roarrlikeadinosaur

We live together but it’s his house (I moved in.) Nothing bad, ur just doesn’t even get to discussion!

Never mind anything else have you had a discussion about the fact you’ve Moved into his house and had a kid but it’s still “his house” ?

OP I don't think you know the definitions of "kind" and "generous"

How does his house work - does he own it?

Have you ever tried to discuss?

It’s the fact he assumes we don’t need to discuss

Because he expects you to fall in line, you're an extension of him, not your own person. How is it "his" house yet you a family and share a child?

@Cleverpolly3 he hasn’t ever said that, I’m just explaining how it is, it is his house, it belongs to him. We are looking to move but it’s annoying because he needs this and that! And I have said to him that he might have to compromise (I said this before when I was job hunting.)

He isn’t abusive. I do know what abusive looks like and this isn’t it. But I do feel a bit like there’s no compromise to be had because he has to have this and that.

You sa the examples you give in your OP are “petty”. Hit us with some less petty ones.

What happens when you suggest compromise on something?

I don’t know that there are any tbh @JanFebAnyMonth

I feel like I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure what.

If DP had moved in with me and then wanted to rip up my nice flooring and change the furniture and colour scheme I’d probably feel the same.