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Original poster

AIBU to think sister should postpone wedding?

130 replies

Rozziie · 16/07/2021 00:02

My sister got engaged late last year and has planned her wedding for September 2021. At the time I thought it was stupid to plan a 2021 wedding knowing we were in the middle of a pandemic, and now with cases rising and hospitalisations and deaths set to rise, I'm finding it really stressful to think about going to a big event where I have to mingle with people just a few months from now.

I had my jab early so not confident that I'm still going to be protected that well by September, and I also probably won't have had a booster by then. I also have a holiday pencilled in (which was booked before covid) for 2-3 weeks before the wedding, which my mother says I should not take in case I get stuck there and miss the wedding. I have voiced my concerns to my mother who thinks I am selfish and unreasonable, but I think my sister is the selfish one for insisting on having a wedding in a pandemic. It's not like the people who had planned to have theirs last year and had to postpone...she could have either waited until the pandemic was over or had a small registry office wedding this year without putting everyone at risk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Skullycup · 16/07/2021 00:05

YABU. You think you're ok to go away on your holiday, but your sister can't have her wedding? Get over your self.

Serenschintte · 16/07/2021 00:05

YABU - your sisters wedding is about her and her finance. It’s up to them when they get married.
It seems a little odd you would consider going on holiday but not to a wedding.
Maybe just go to the ceremony and skip the reception if you are very anxious.

TotorosCatBus · 16/07/2021 00:07

YABU
You think she's stupid for booking a wedding but she probably thinks you're stupid for booking a holiday.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/07/2021 00:07

You could decline the invitation if you're really uncomfortable attending. But I think your argument kind of falls down if you're happy to go in holiday.

fairgame84 · 16/07/2021 00:08

YABU
Everyone has their own level of acceptable risk, if you think it's too high then don't go. You can't expect your sister to postpone her wedding because of your anxiety.

MaizeBlouse · 16/07/2021 00:09

Or course YABU. You can't play the Covid card and say you're going in holiday in the same breath!

2021mumma · 16/07/2021 00:09

If you are willing to mingle at an airport and on a plane and come into contact with hundreds of strangers why can’t you go to your sisters wedding?

MiddleClassProblem · 16/07/2021 00:10

YABU especially if your holiday is abroad

Mojitofairy · 16/07/2021 00:10

Have a grip. Seriously.
If you don’t want to go then don’t go, but your sister deserves to have a wonderful day. She’s doing nothing wrong.
You want to go on holiday.
She wants to get married.
I know which is more important in my world.
Yabu.

MiddleClassProblem · 16/07/2021 00:10

This must be a reverse, right?

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2021 00:12

Your holiday is totally fine but her wedding is outrageous and selfish? Haha, ok. Nice try.

Fullofpudding · 16/07/2021 00:13

YABU you're happy to go on holiday but not to her wedding.

BackforGood · 16/07/2021 00:15

Of course YABU.

As I started reading, I assumed you were going to say you were clinically vulnerable or something.....then you say you are off on holiday just before the wedding Hmm

I understand some people will be cautious about attending events such as wedding in September, but YAB ridiculous with your lack of logic.

HashtagAnonyMouse · 16/07/2021 00:17

What makes your holiday safe and the wedding unsafe? Confused

PurpleOkapi · 16/07/2021 00:18

This can't be real.

HashtagAnonyMouse · 16/07/2021 00:18

Is this a wind up? Wink

saraclara · 16/07/2021 00:19

I'm finding it really stressful to think about going to a big event where I have to mingle with people just a few months from now.

Yet you're happy to get on a plane with lots of people, be in a busy airport etc?
(I'm assuming abroad since your mum thinks you might get 'stuck there')

Original poster
Rozziie · 16/07/2021 00:42

I think people are misunderstanding....the holiday was booked before covid and I am NOT planning on going on it! The point is that my mother thinks it would be selfish of me to go on the holiday in case I miss the wedding, as if I'm not allowed to do anything for myself. As if my life has to revolve around my sister's wedding.

Oh, and by the way, the wedding itself is abroad and yes, I am clinically vulnerable, which is why I got the jab early. I am also concerned for my 90-year-old grandmother and other relatives who are 65+. I don't think it's right to expect them to attend a big gathering (which is the biggest risk regarding covid) when the protection from the vaccines is waning and cases are likely to be very high. Do you people not understand that a wedding is far riskier than a flight?

OP posts:
Newcastleteacake · 16/07/2021 00:52

Nice attempt at a backpeddle there OP! You are still planning on going on holiday and you are the selfish one. For once I'm on the bride's side.

Original poster
Rozziie · 16/07/2021 00:56

How is it a backpedal?

Even if I WERE planning to go (and I'm not, because I don't think the place is safe at the moment)...

You think it's reasonable to ask someone not to go on a holiday booked in 2019 in case they get stuck there because of the pandemic, because their sibling booked a wedding abroad in 2020 with the full knowledge of said pandemic?

Is that right? You think that's OK? I should just put my entire life on hold and miss the holiday I have been looking forward to for months because someone else booked a destination wedding in a pandemic, which they are expecting their family including elderly grandparents to travel to, and I'M the selfish one?

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 16/07/2021 00:59

Honestly? I wouldn’t be hugely suprised if the wedding doesn’t get postponed.
But I get the sense from your OP this is one thing in a line of things. I think most people have been there.
My response now is to copy the Queen, ‘don’t complain, don’t explain’ just tell them what they can expect of you/you are willing to give to them and leave them to it

Maskedrevenger · 16/07/2021 01:01

I think you should only focus on whether you want to go to the wedding or not and let other people make the decision for themselves, since no one seems to have put you in charge of deciding what is and what isn’t safe. Addressing posters as “ you people” is not going to win many people round to your way of thinking either.

Original poster
Rozziie · 16/07/2021 01:04

I just don't believe for a second that if the tables were turned, my mum wouldn't take my sister's side. She'd say I shouldn't have booked a wedding in a pandemic and my sister deserves a holiday because she works hard, and I can't expect her to live her life around my wedding.

I feel like I don't even deserve to be a person in her eyes. I'm just a dogsbody, there to help with the wedding and be a bridesmaid, and I must give up my own plans and life for several weeks beforehand to make sure I'm fit to attend an event I think is a bad idea in the first place.

Do you really think it might be postponed? I thought the gov said no more lockdowns after this?

OP posts:
Awrite · 16/07/2021 01:04

Yes, still BU. Massively so.

No-one needs to attend. Your sister is allowed to get married. Your relatives can make their own minds up.

Original poster
Rozziie · 16/07/2021 01:07

I can't decide not to go. My mother will never speak to me again, so that's not exactly right, is it? I'm not only being bullied into attending something I think is a really bad idea but also being dictated to about what I can and can't do in the weeks leading up to it. As I said, if the tables were turned she would say my sister has every right to go on holiday and she deserves to relax.

OP posts: