To introduce a ladies first to our sex life??

[Ladiesfirstplease]

So... (20 month relationship).

We have had several conversations about the fact that in I need oral sex to orgasm, just the way I work. Or a vibe would work, but prefer the intimacy of oral. Could be both, I'm not overly fussed at this point! DP can do this brilliantly for me in around 15/20 mins.

DPsuffers from ED, he takes a pill and then comes at me with his todger with a matter of urgency only Speedy Gonzales could rival. And then leaves me high and dry. This happens most times. I'm lucky if I get a 5 min warm up.

My pleasure is a seperate matter that I have to ask for...and he won't do it if he's shot his load in me. So mostly out of the question. I'd say for every 6 times he gets off, I get once. Mostly at a separate time to us being intimate alltogether. It feels like a job to tick off of his 'to do' list, and I usually have to ask outright when I'm about to explode.

Things came to a head last night. I told him I was very horny on Tuesday (nothing for me for a couple of weeks). That was ignored. He took a pill last night and came at me, I turned him down and asked him to satisfy me first. This ended in a heated debate where he appeared amazed that I wanted satisfying, I said I needed more from him and was fed up with it all.

I have tried to be understanding re the ED, but I can't visualise my sex life to be like this forever, I'm gagging. We're now not talking.

So AIBU for thinking of suggesting a ladies come first only policy? Unless it's a quicky and I'm happy with that? I don't want to be **ed anymore, with nothing but that in it for me.

I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who spoke about it with the vulgarity you have.

What? I thought the OP's post was funny and expressive. That doesn't mean she's vulgar. And who cares anyway. ODFOD.

Why doesn't he just take 5 seconds break to take his tablet in between breaths of seeing to you? Why take it beforehand if the effects are immediate. Sounds like a timing issue 🤷‍♀️

This is about selfishness. My boyfriend has ED, I'm post menopause and don't always want to orgasm, we are having the opposite discussions to you. He always wants me to come. We do other things which I enjoy and are enough for me. Sometimes we go to bed just to do those things, his enjoyment is doing them for/to me. We'll go to bed three times in the day and he'll only try for his own orgasm once. He's a man that enjoys sex and women and that's the difference.
Demand a good quality sex life and try toys, twenty minutes is a long time, that needs helping along. Sex has got to suit the both of you.

Your flippant tone doesn't hide the hurt, OP. 😥

What is he thinking?! First he needs to understand that you know full well when he's taken the blue pill because of his barnyard metamorphosis. It's not the most subtle approach. 🙄

Secondly, if he cares about you, he needs to listen to what you're saying. Two intelligent, caring people can sort this between them if they talk openly about their needs and preferences and get a bit imaginative with foreplay and timing.

If he won't listen, he's either uncaring or too proud, it doesn't matter which, really, does it? The result is the same. Your pleasure is just an optional extra he doesn't value enough to spend any time or thought on.

In which case, you might as well accept a dry spell and get a decent vibrator while you recommence the search for a good man.

So he doesn't want you to know when he's taken a pill; just 'comes at you'. ignores your sexual needs and won't talk about it?

Nope. No future in this, I'm afraid. Unless you want to end up horny and frustrated forever.

@Flamingmango yes, they take 30-60 mins I would say. We had an awkward one not long ago because he took one in the office while playing on the computer and then came down at 10pm ready for action. I just said no, no way. He says that he doesn't want the pills to be a thing and that if he doesn't tell me then he can take or leave sex but at least it's an option. This way of doing things clearly isn't working though. I think I will suggest that at some point in his 30-60 min warm up, he pays some more attention to me in one way or another I think. I've never come across ED in my 40 years, so this is all new to me, but I want to try and work around it

I think you should ditch this waste of space and buy a vibrator from the sounds of it you clearly aren't happy snd he sounds dreadful

He sounds disgusting, but the way you write is also really gross and crude.

@Stichintime

He sounds disgusting, but the way you write is also really gross and crude.

WTF.

@Handsoffstrikesagain big hugs x

@Kanaloa

Why do you think it would work? You’ve already told him he isn’t satisfying you and he doesn’t care, so why would making a special rule suddenly make him care.

Honestly he sounds selfish and kind of gross, as if he thinks your pleasure is optional and his is necessary.

This is what I think too - I don't think any kind of rule or ultimatum will work, at least more than very temporarily. He'll slip back into this pattern. And even if it does work it's very clear at this point that he'd be doing it reluctantly - is that really what you want? I wouldn't want to have sex where there was no pleasure for me, but I also wouldn't want to be having a kind of sex that I'd had to cajole my partner into. You're just not compatible - I don't think he's compatible with many women, but that's his problem, not yours.

Coming at me with his todger and shooting his load... sounds as if a teenage boy wrote this.

@irresistibleoverwhelm

*You're just as vulgar clearly

Fuck off yourself*

And there, ladies, is our arbiter of the finest taste. Clearly never stoops to vulgarity!

You're hilarious.

Xxxxx

Why read the post when it clearly was about sex if your going to complain about the way it’s worded!!

@NewlyGranny sounds like you've hit the nail on the head. I feel the next conversation and trial period will be the last straw.

ED or not, he sounds like a cold, selfish bastard. Have you ever put it to him or asked him why he doesn't love you or care enough about your feelings to want you to get off? Most men get off on them being able to get their women off. He just doesn't seem to give a stuff about you, it's like you're merely a receptacle for his need then he removes himself from you. It's not just that he doesn't love you enough to want to see you pleasured, it's not the sex, it's that he doesn't even consider you as part of the equation at all. You're simply a means for him to get off, he doesn't have any consideration at all for you. No matter how good he is in other areas of the relationship, if he is happy to see you hurt, to see you feel hurt and unloved and not even care at all about you, then, what's the point? It's not the sex or his orgasms or your orgasms per se. It's that he simply doesn't even consider you at all.

He’s being really rude, inconsiderate and selfish. Wouldn’t work for me.

Have one more conversation then if things don’t improve I’d move on.

You matter too.

There's something very weird and angry crouchend about your posts. Why are you getting so het up on someone else's thread?

Well if you’re happy for him to use a vibratory too there’s really no excuse. I also think him deciding on his own to pop a pill and use you as a wank sock is horrible.

Sex should be good for you both. At a time good for you both.

Not all women come within 10 minutes unless using a womanizer ffs

Some women can take awhile to orgasm with fingers, tongue or even toys.

I used to have this and one day I said to him we are not finished and he states the obvious and he thought I’d orgasmed through PIV sex. All his exes came that way. Not me matey. We had loads of fun learning together.

Yours looks like he’s reeled you in and then decided your not worth the effort anymore.
Plus you know about his ED so the pills are kept secret makes no sense

@CrouchEndTiger12 for the record, I was tring not to make the post too 'deep'. I've been in the office all day, so left my telephone voice there. I do apologise though if my language has offended you