To introduce a ladies first to our sex life??

[Ladiesfirstplease]

So... (20 month relationship).

We have had several conversations about the fact that in I need oral sex to orgasm, just the way I work. Or a vibe would work, but prefer the intimacy of oral. Could be both, I'm not overly fussed at this point! DP can do this brilliantly for me in around 15/20 mins.

DPsuffers from ED, he takes a pill and then comes at me with his todger with a matter of urgency only Speedy Gonzales could rival. And then leaves me high and dry. This happens most times. I'm lucky if I get a 5 min warm up.

My pleasure is a seperate matter that I have to ask for...and he won't do it if he's shot his load in me. So mostly out of the question. I'd say for every 6 times he gets off, I get once. Mostly at a separate time to us being intimate alltogether. It feels like a job to tick off of his 'to do' list, and I usually have to ask outright when I'm about to explode.

Things came to a head last night. I told him I was very horny on Tuesday (nothing for me for a couple of weeks). That was ignored. He took a pill last night and came at me, I turned him down and asked him to satisfy me first. This ended in a heated debate where he appeared amazed that I wanted satisfying, I said I needed more from him and was fed up with it all.

I have tried to be understanding re the ED, but I can't visualise my sex life to be like this forever, I'm gagging. We're now not talking.

So AIBU for thinking of suggesting a ladies come first only policy? Unless it's a quicky and I'm happy with that? I don't want to be **ed anymore, with nothing but that in it for me.

Nah, that's shit. DH makes sure I come every time either before or after he has.

Nah, that's shit. DH makes sure I come every time either before or after he has.

@Elune

Also does he really just pop a pill and come at you expecting to be able to stick it in whenever he wants? He sounds gross.

This!!!

Is there no romance?? He literally pops a pill and wham he’s ready?? Could he not spend some time with you then when your satisfied take a the pill??
He sounds very selfish! I’d be fuming if my DH did this.

He took a pill last night and came at me

🤣🤣🤣

I'm sorry, but your writing style is very funny OP. He sounds extremely selfish. You need to be with someone who enjoys giving oral - he sounds like he's only bothered about himself.

Why do you think it would work? You’ve already told him he isn’t satisfying you and he doesn’t care, so why would making a special rule suddenly make him care.

Honestly he sounds selfish and kind of gross, as if he thinks your pleasure is optional and his is necessary.

I would introduce a “dumping him” rule for this, tbh

Realistically if they’re not sexually compatible, they should split up. The onus shouldn’t be on OP to just get over it and sort herself out with a vibrator.

You don’t split up just because you might not be clicking sexually all the time. Relationships evolve, sexual desire and tastes evolve. I didn’t say she had to use a vibrator on herself. He could do it as part of foreplay or they could use it during intercourse

YANBU OP, that's awful! He's going to have to change how things work or you're more than justified in finding someone else. No way should you have to put up with that. Him orgasming four times more often than you is not a deal!

@Takeoutyourhen

Doesn’t sound like a good match to be honest

He doesn't sound like a good match for anyone. Who would want that. He pops a pill and then he gets off. Nah thanks

Bin him off. He's a selfish lover hiding behind ed. You don't have to put up with a shit sex life to please someone else.
I've had partners in the past with ed who took an insane amount of times and ways to ensure I was more than satisfied.

DPsuffers from ED, he takes a pill and then comes at me with his todger with a matter of urgency only Speedy Gonzales could rival. And then leaves me high and dry.

My pleasure is a seperate matter that I have to ask for...and he won't do it if he's shot his load in me.

I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who spoke about it with the vulgarity you have.

Look sexual incompatibility is huge. You're not right for each other.

I mean I couldn’t give someone 20 minutes of oral. It’s a lot.

But he doesn’t care about you enjoying sex and that would be a deal breaker for me.

What does he think sex is?

This ended in a heated debate where he appeared amazed that I wanted satisfying

That’s your issue. For whatever reason, it seems that this grown man hasn’t cordoned out yet that sex isn’t just him unloading in a woman/you but it about MUTUAL pleasure. And you won’t get pleasure just from his dick (and certainly not with a 5mins warm up).

So either he is really selfish or his lack of education of sex and women is extremely poor.

I understand that him spending 20 mins on me might not be appealing every time. I have used a vibrator before while he's kissed me etc. I think I've let it become the norm that we just have sex because he's on a time limit. It's always difficult with ED but there's some really helpful suggestions here. I think I need to have a conversation with him around us both deciding when it's a good time to take a pill and about it incorporating satisfying us both within whatever timescale.

I think you have posted about this before?

He lives in a stone house and he doesn't want neighbours to hear?

@Merryoldgoat

You might just be incompatible - 15-20 minutes of anything would leave me bored shitless

Exactly.

You’re expecting him to give you oral for 15-20 minutes. That sounds totally unreasonable, as does his lack of consideration towards you. It doesn’t sound like a very compatible pairing. Which is frustrating if he’s fab in all other areas.

@thisisnotthewaytomanage you've lost me. I haven't posted about this before

God, next time he rolls off say “I haven’t finished yet” or whip your vibrator out and say “I’ll sort myself out shall I?”

@EleanorOlephantisjustfine either that or a vibrator, as I said in the original post, I'd be happy with anything.

My partner also uses pills for ED, I assume the same ones but they take a while to work (30-60 minutes) so we usually do foreplay and I finish during that time.

Surely he isn't taking the pill, immediately getting an erection and prodding it at you?

I would also look at other pills as well

With ED medication should be able to maintain a decent erection for more than 20 minutes IWHT.

onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/erectile-dysfunction

Yep this is my husband. I just lie there after thinking 'what just happened?

@Flamingmango

My partner also uses pills for ED, I assume the same ones but they take a while to work (30-60 minutes) so we usually do foreplay and I finish during that time.

Surely he isn't taking the pill, immediately getting an erection and prodding it at you?

Also it kind of sees from your OP that he just unilaterally decides to take a pill on his own? That's a problem too.

He's not on that much of a time limit, it takes 20-30 minutes for the pill to work so he could be making sure you are happy in that time.
I would really not be into this, especially as early as 20 months.