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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’ve just messaged the OWs husband

314 replies

The6thQueen · 13/07/2021 11:24

Found out she’d called my husband again and asked him to set up another email account for them to talk. We’re over
But I’ve just forwarded her husband all their WhatsApp messages and images of her in the shower. Apparently she hadn’t told him the full story and they are starting IVF again shortly.
Im shaking and feel like a bitch, but I want her to hurt (and my stbxh) to hurt like I and my children are

OP posts:
LtDansleg · 13/07/2021 16:10

[quote PesterLauder]@LtDansleg
Thanks for your articulate message. What goes on in the OW's marriage is nothing to do with OP. I agree OP has been badly treated but she's hurting someone else to make herself feel better.[/quote]
No worries, I just didn’t know where to start with such a ridiculous statement.

NeonDreams · 13/07/2021 16:11

@PesterLauder

I'm going against the grain here. I don't see how hurting someone else will do you or your children any good at all? It was none of your business, you should have dealt with your own side only.
You mean going against the tide (of the thread). 'Going against the grain' means you are going against your own instincts (ie you usually would believe the OP is right). And it was very much her business, not only that, we all have a duty to tell others the truth if they are being hurt. This 'not wanting to get involved' is what causes hurt and pain in society. So, so many on this thread alone have said they would want to know and indeed several said they were the other spouse and were grateful to be told.
mildlymiffed · 13/07/2021 16:11

@PesterLauder well at least he now has the full facts on which to base his decision on.

Up until now he may have believed he had a faithful wife. Now he knows...

In his shoes, I'd want to know.

Maybe you wouldn't. But you appear to be in the minority. I'm pleased that the op appears to have a good moral compass. Playing by your rules would see a guy going into a situation potentially blind to what's going on around him.

jezzyj · 13/07/2021 16:13

@PesterLauder

Sorry but stopping someone having a baby is not your call (or the OP's).
Did somebody padlock her womb? Nobody's stopped her having kids. Her husband can now make an informed choice.
LtDansleg · 13/07/2021 16:13

@ChargingBuck apparently this woman having sex and trying to get the op’s husband to leave her so she can have his babies has nothing to do with her 🙄

Ijsbear · 13/07/2021 16:14

@PesterLauder

Sorry but stopping someone having a baby is not your call (or the OP's).
No.

But now the husband has all the information and can make an informed choice instead of one based on lies and deceit.

BrilliantBetty · 13/07/2021 16:17

Hope he sees the message!! Might need to request him as a friend otherwise he may not see it. I'd also assume she's got eyes on his messaged and might be looking out for something from you... to delete!

ChargingBuck · 13/07/2021 16:18

@LtDansleg - I know, right?
We should all Be The Grownups, not have emotions, or any sense of of betrayal at the serial breaking of vows, promises, & stated actions.

lastcall · 13/07/2021 16:19

I'm with you, OP. He should know who he's trying to have a baby with , especially since IVF will be involved.

Rockitrosie · 13/07/2021 16:20

You must be very angry and upset OP. I feel for you, but in my opinion your anger should be with your (D)H not with this woman. What she has done is wrong but you do not have a "duty" to let her partner know

I disagree, many people will go through life completely oblivious to the fact their partner is cheating - it’s usually only another person telling them that opens their eyes to it.

Good on you OP - I would want to know too and I’d have done the same.

user47000000000 · 13/07/2021 16:23

Good people do bad things. OP should focus on her own life. Being obsessed with hurting OW will just make her bitter.

Wheretobuy · 13/07/2021 16:24

It could be that the OW is staying in her marriage to afford the fertility treatment, another reason why OP was right in texting the husband.

Rockitrosie · 13/07/2021 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rockitrosie · 13/07/2021 16:27

Sorry, just posted that on wrong thread!

FootieFever22 · 13/07/2021 16:29

Being obsessed with hurting OW will just make her bitter.

She's not obsessed with hurting ow.

She's just not accepting that ow should contribute to exploding her marriage and family (in its current form) while her own remains unaffected, and she proceeded to TTC with her unknowing cuckold husband.

Actions have consequences, ow had no right to silence and ow's husband had a right to make relationship and reproduction decisions based in full facts. If ow continued to have sex with op's husband and not left him, he could be being told he's fathered a child who'd not actually his.

JustCallMeBubblesDahling · 13/07/2021 16:31

PesterLauder
@LtDansleg
Thanks for your articulate message. What goes on in the OW's marriage is nothing to do with OP. I agree OP has been badly treated but she's hurting someone else to make herself feel better.

The OP hasn’t hurt anyone. Her H and his OW did that. OW became OP’s business when she got herself involved with OP’s husband.

If someone close to you was planning to burn your house down so you’d lose everything, family heirlooms, years of savings you’d hidden under the floorboards, and someone else knew that it was about to happen, even had evidence, wouldn’t you want them to warn you?

FootieFever22 · 13/07/2021 16:31

Good people do bad things.

They don't really, you know.

And I say that as someone who's fine shitty things.

You don't actually believe that trite little sound bite, do you?

Wheretobuy · 13/07/2021 16:34

@FootieFever22

Good people do bad things.

They don't really, you know.

And I say that as someone who's fine shitty things.

You don't actually believe that trite little sound bite, do you?

This. Good people do bad things…and then face consequences too, just like, you know, bad people do.
Twinkie01 · 13/07/2021 16:35

Good job OP. Any woman that would enter into a relationship with a married man deserves a world of emotional pain visited on them by any means possible IMO.

This will cause her husband terrible pain in the short term but the pain isn't from you sharing but from her cheating.

Itgetsthehoseagain · 13/07/2021 16:35

I would want to know if my dh was cheating.

FootieFever22 · 13/07/2021 16:37

These posters who always come out saying victims of infidelity shouldn't be told ... Oh it's spite, oh it's malice, oh it's bitterness. Just lol.

Who gives a fk what it is. The victim (ow's spouse) gets to know true facts to make decisions about their life on, and the other victim (op) gets some justice.

If you fuck with someone else's marriage, don't bleat when they fuck with yours. You caused it, you brought it on yourself.

FootieFever22 · 13/07/2021 16:40

This will cause her husband terrible pain in the short term but the pain isn't from you sharing but from her cheating.

Short term pain but long term gain.

From these boards it's obvious there's s huge shortage of decent men to form relationships with - hopefully he'll be back on the market for a lovely woman who'll treat him decently and can appreciate that he's decent to her.

FootieFever22 · 13/07/2021 16:41

And ow can continue sending nude shower selfies to other cheaters.

fromdownwest · 13/07/2021 16:42

@FootieFever22

And ow can continue sending nude shower selfies to other cheaters.
Correct, she can do as she pleases. However, she can not do as she pleases without possible consequences.
FootieFever22 · 13/07/2021 16:47

However, she can not do as she pleases without possible consequences.

Where did I say she could or should.

I am in the "always tell" camp.

Anyway she's one stupid bitch to be cheating and leaving so much of her cheating evidence discoverable when she's married and TTC. She's either damaged or she really first esteem her husband and had settled for him.

If it's the latter, she's better put of the relationship, and op had actually done her a favour as well as her cuckholded husband.