Dh wants a divorce and is leaving today

[GooodMythicalMorning]

He came home last night and told me he doesn't want this any more. He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married. We're telling the kids later after work and he's leaving. Im heartbroken. 14 years married, didn't see any problems. Thought it was forever. I don't know what to do/need. My brain has gone into panic mode about kids/dogs/house.

So he told you nothing has happened between them but she’s also binned her marriage already fit a man nothing has happened with - yeah pull the other one it’s got flipping great bells on it!

He’s a lying cunt OP.

How are you doing op ?
How did dinner go? When you say he saw the children, do you mean at your house?
I remember on another thread a lady who was in a similar situation had her ex popping round to see the children and someone on here told her to not allow this. How can you move on if this is happening? Your home is your sanctuary. Surely he can take them out ? You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own home.
Regarding finances, tell him you're sorting them when you're good n ready. Cheeky swine.

He won't be seeing them in my house again. All too comfortable for my liking. He sat down like he lived here still.

@GooodMythicalMorning, good for you.

It’ll also be confusing for the DC. They can’t be left thinking it’s normal for dad to leave but still come round for tea on a regular basis.

Exactly. Not happening

does he still have a key op?

id add in a front/back door bolt

I'm so, so sorry ❤️

My ex did this, I'd advise to speak to a solicitor ASAP and change locks on house. You are the only one who will look out for you and the kids now. Whoever you were married to is gone. He's a different person now and he won't have your back.

Something which helped me in the early days was having some time in the evening when i was uncontactable.

The nights i lost sleep over a late evening text that had me anxious or furious all evening and set me off again. So, put your phone on airplane mode or turn off all notifications and take control. Perhaps 9pm-7am. And just give yourself some time and space to just breathe and process the day and feel safe.

I also every few nights especially after a bad one would take an over the counter sleeping tablet to just help me fall asleep and stay asleep for a few hours. Never groggy and not at all addictive.

It gets better slowly

Thats a good idea about aeroplane mode. yes am reading everything and formulating plans. I hate that it's come to this though.

Sorry op. So many lies. It's heartbreaking.

How dare he hassle you to take on the household bills etc! Is he swanning off from all responsibility for his children?

I would try and be as cool as possible. State the facts, that your children need a roof over their heads and unfortunately he wanted you t give up your job..

I would see a solicitor as fast as possible but NOT tip him off that you are doing so. Don’t set him on his guard until you have found out what you can reasonably aim for and are ready to actually unleash your solicitor on him.

Time to lay down some boundaries and ground rules. No more coming into the house, he needs to see the kids elsewhere. And on an agreed schedule.

Communication only about the children or essential arrangements. Only by e mail. So that you can look when you choose and feel up to it.

I am sorry this is so hard, OP.

OP sounds like you're doing amazingly great...be ready for the odd emotional blip but please bounce back. Always brilliant practical advice here on MN so do take stock and act x

Im sorry OP...

He'll be telling her everything... you are now the common enemy the all consuming unreasonable one..

What a prick... you make sure you and the kids are prioritised and screw him and his 'too small' bed..

I hope you get to see a solicitor soon 🌸

What an absolute bastard. I would get yourself a shit hot lawyer so that you know exactly what you're entitled to and can tell him confidently to fuck off if he starts pushing you to rush anything.

I will do. I literally feel sick right now. doesn't help I should be asleep as I need to be up to babysit my nephew in the morning but I'm soon cross and hot.

@VimFuego101

What an absolute bastard. I would get yourself a shit hot lawyer so that you know exactly what you're entitled to and can tell him confidently to fuck off if he starts pushing you to rush anything.

yes definitely ... do everything at your own pace .. 🌸

Anytime he says anything I would reply grey rock style:

"You've been planing this for weeks/months I've known for x days"

@RandomMess, perfect retort. Perfect.

@GooodMythicalMorning just wanted to say I think you’re doing great considering how sudden this has all been. It’s so hard to switch off feelings and even harder when the person you loved and trusted turns out to be someone you don’t even recognise. Sending you love and a big virtual hug for today

I have my nephew today but I physically and mentally feel rubbish right now. boss at old job has offered my old job back if I want it.

Take back the old job, if at all possible.
Don't bother telling Lord Muck about that at least for now, if possible too.

Have you eaten much? it's really hard to eat when you're feeling like this but it will help - you'll feel a bit better and it gives you a bit of stability. Even if you can only manage toast and tea I'd advise trying OP.
Wishing you the best, and a swift recovery from all of this.

MythicalMorning, I'm sure it doesn't feel this way, but you are dealing incredibly well with the absolute king hit that he delivered you. Hang on in there, you are one strong Mama, but make sure you look after you. Little and often with food, preferably nutritious interspersed with a little bit of what you fancy, and keep up your water intake. Do you think maybe you need to see your GP for something to help you sleep in the short term? Sleep deprivation makes everything seem a million times worse!

Sounds like you have a good support network of family, friends, and also jobwise. Do you think taking your old job back could make things easier in the short term?

Flowers and Mumsnetty Hugs.