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Original poster

Dh wants a divorce and is leaving today

339 replies

GooodMythicalMorning · 12/07/2021 05:30

He came home last night and told me he doesn't want this any more. He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married. We're telling the kids later after work and he's leaving. Im heartbroken. 14 years married, didn't see any problems. Thought it was forever. I don't know what to do/need. My brain has gone into panic mode about kids/dogs/house. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 15/07/2021 17:10

That's what I thought, Probably getting desperate to move out of his brother's box room but that's not my problem. Had my friend and mum here today. Mum kept me busy making me reorganise everything in the house, which was actually pretty useful.

Hes coming to dinner with the kids tonight. I don't know if I'm meant to hide away or not Confused

OP posts:
mbosnz · 15/07/2021 17:31

I hope he's bloody cooking it.

Notmoresugar · 15/07/2021 17:48

Messaging you about finances in the early hours is just so selfish of him. Disrupting whatever sleep you might get is just not on.

Personally, and I know it will be hard for you, but I would definitely go out.

He'll very likely be expecting you to be desperate and hanging around just of him. Well fuck that and fuck him.

gardeninggirl68 · 15/07/2021 17:50

op i hope you aren't cooking for him?

OhDearMuriel · 15/07/2021 17:59

Go out.
Be polite.
Hold your head up high.
And all of those will completely fox him Smile.
It's called giving someone a taste of their own medicine.

Annonymiss123 · 15/07/2021 18:03

Definitely don’t cook! Go out and enjoy a few hours peace.

FelicityPike · 15/07/2021 18:21

He’s bringing their food with him?
He’ll be paying for your electricity?
Bringing crockery & cutlery?
4 days or not, no way would I allow this not be comfortable with it happening! Why can he not take them out for dinner?

bigbaggyeyes · 15/07/2021 18:26

I'd make yea for the kids and not plate him up anything. It's not your job to feed him. I'd be telling him this is the last time and going forward he needs to take them out

Notmoresugar · 15/07/2021 18:49

@bigbaggyeyes
Really? How do you think OP not ‘plating up’ his food is going to look in front of two already very upset and devastated young DCs?

IF OP is present when he’s there (which I think ideally she shouldn’t be), both adults as parents need to try and be civilised and polite so the children don’t get even more upset, surely!

Dollpiglet · 15/07/2021 19:31

So he was in full knowledge of all this but let you give up your job without that knowledge. What a nasty piece of work.

mynameisbrian · 15/07/2021 19:37

his dinner with the kids should not be in your home, you need to exert some boundaries now as I assuming your cooking the said meal

bigbaggyeyes · 15/07/2021 19:51

@Notmoresugar you can be polite and civilised in front of the kids without cooking him his tea! He's supposed to be coming round to see the kids, not have his dinner cooked for him, he forwent that luxury when he decided to dump his marriage for another woman. There's nothing wrong with him sat at the table with the dc chatting away whilst they eat their tea.

I do agree that the op doesn't need to be there either

Sadiecow · 15/07/2021 19:56

@OhDearMuriel

Go out. Be polite. Hold your head up high. And all of those will completely fox him Smile. It's called giving someone a taste of their own medicine.
100%
Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 15/07/2021 20:03

We ate, he did small talk with the kids and then kids left us to chat. He is now officially in a relationship with her. She's left her husband and staying with her mum as they also co own a house. He was still pestering about finances and wants to know what I'm doing and got annoyed when I don't know its been 4 days!

He said about me taking on the house payments, I dropped my job cos he wanted me to. I can't afford to pay for it. I told him he's got to continue to pay his way as I cant just take over.

You were ALL right, he is not my friend and I cannot trust what he says.

OP posts:
CherryLeaf · 15/07/2021 20:07

I’m so sorry op, in a way it’s good he’s showing his true colours here. Stand your ground and don’t be rushed into any financial agreements. Get you get yourself some proper financial advice? as he no longer has your interests at heart and you’ll need to protect what’s rightfully yours.
You’re strong op, you’ve got this! One tiny step at a time and you’ll get through this 💐💐💐

Notmoresugar · 15/07/2021 20:07

@bigbaggyeyes
Purely because it's just such a petty non-issue. Why would the OP lower herself to that pathetic standard.
There are far more important things at stake here and she needs to concentrate her efforts in financially securing her and her DC's future and she's got to be very clever and cunning about it, so that he doesn't know what's hit him (when the time comes).

gardeninggirl68 · 15/07/2021 20:10

i hope he realises 'starting again' with this other woman won't be easy

he has a family and household to support first and foremost...THEN whats left of his wages can be for them. she will have to come second. and that is very likely to not last out the year

Sadiecow · 15/07/2021 20:19

@GooodMythicalMorning

We ate, he did small talk with the kids and then kids left us to chat. He is now officially in a relationship with her. She's left her husband and staying with her mum as they also co own a house. He was still pestering about finances and wants to know what I'm doing and got annoyed when I don't know its been 4 days!

He said about me taking on the house payments, I dropped my job cos he wanted me to. I can't afford to pay for it. I told him he's got to continue to pay his way as I cant just take over.

You were ALL right, he is not my friend and I cannot trust what he says.

He's a cunt! I'm sorry x
Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 15/07/2021 20:28

I know he is, he's never been that cold hearted or callous before.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 15/07/2021 20:29

He is an absolute prick. Getting you to give up your job and then leaving you, and now hassling you about money!Tell him he'll be hearing from your lawyer. What a fucking wanker. He has walked out on you and his two kids! What a dick. So sorry he is putting you through this.

Tinkerbellanne · 15/07/2021 20:38

I know how it feels to physically feel your heart break. My ex left me and our 2 children 13 months ago. Things I wish I knew but had to find out myself.......
-stay in the house, do not leave. You will be prioritised with having the children.
-think about what arrangements can be made for the kids.
-if you have over 16,000 saved you won't be entitled to housing association or council if the worst should happen.
-when things go to court text messages will not be looked at but emails will be because they are encrypted.
-contaxt citizens advice.
-contaxt mortgage experience online. They are amazing.
-and most importantly be the amazing woman you are so you kids are proud. Best of luck xx

ShortBacknSides · 15/07/2021 20:39

He's messaged me to say he cant stay in the empty room with too small bed. (bils house) but he doesn't know what to do next.

I'll join the chorus of
"Not your problem"

Good luck OP Flowers

And don't believe a word he says about finances.

Put in a claim to the CSA now. And start to gather evidence that you took a cut in hours/pay because he wanted it, and you supported him to work full-time by doing all the domestic work and child care etc.

unicornsarereal72 · 15/07/2021 20:43

Time to stop the contact In Your house. He is no longer welcome. He can collect kids and take them Out.

Put in claim with CMS. He wants to see how this pans out. So now he get eow with the kids and pays his child support.

Get some legal advice and tell him that any proposal he has is to go through your solicitor.

Go through the household bills and stop all his bills. Phone. Car insurance etc.

Check the entitled2 website for benefit calculator.

And start packing his stuff up. I cleared out the airing cupboard and start packing ex stuff away there. It was rather therapeutic. I went through the whole house. Mugs. Fridge magnets the lot.

No more mr nice guy. He has shown you who he really is.

Tinkerbellanne · 15/07/2021 20:52

@unicornsarereal72

Time to stop the contact In Your house. He is no longer welcome. He can collect kids and take them Out.

Put in claim with CMS. He wants to see how this pans out. So now he get eow with the kids and pays his child support.

Get some legal advice and tell him that any proposal he has is to go through your solicitor.

Go through the household bills and stop all his bills. Phone. Car insurance etc.

Check the entitled2 website for benefit calculator.

And start packing his stuff up. I cleared out the airing cupboard and start packing ex stuff away there. It was rather therapeutic. I went through the whole house. Mugs. Fridge magnets the lot.

No more mr nice guy. He has shown you who he really is.

This x100000000
mbosnz · 15/07/2021 20:54

Would the correct response to your ex husband re finances, be, that it's been 4 days, he had many more when he knew what he was going to do to you and your children, and you will discuss this once you have discussed this with your lawyer?