Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

if OP wears the ring on her right hand, then won’t her boyfriends mates all think she’s a nun and married to God. Because traditionally that’s what the ring on the right hand symbolises

Is that widely known though? I didn't know that. I would expect they do know she's not a nun because I don't think nuns are allowed boyfriends. Unless I am out of date on that too.

@worktrip

I agree with some people, Op is playing games. Why would having it on the right hand cause you to fiddle with it?

Agree too that you can wear what you want, where you want though.

I think I live in another world to a lot of people. And that’s good, because a world in which someone is ‘playing games’ if they wear a ring on a finger that they want to wear a ring on is not a world I want to live in!

Of course if OP wears the ring on her right hand, then won’t her boyfriends mates all think she’s a nun and married to God. Because traditionally that’s what the ring on the right hand symbolises.
Then her poor boyfriend will be even more embarrassed explaining that

Yes of course that's the same. Because nuns wearing rings and the meaning is a tradition that is just as well known as engagment rings

I don't like wearing rings on my right hand. They never feel right. Wear it where you want, and enjoy it.

@speakout

but i think that finger is for engagement rings and wedding rings.

No part of my body is " for" anythig. It is up to me to use and adorn as I see fit.
Bugger any "rules".
I am not married, I wear a ring on my third left hand finger- a ring given to me by my daughter.
Op I would be giving this guy the bums rush.

I do the same. I wear it on that finger as that's the one it fits and feels most comfortable on. I tried it on my right hand and it felt weird. So it's on my left and fuck convention. My DP hasn't even noticed let alone his mates!

I can see his point tbh. Constantly being asked if you’re secretly engaged/married and all the teasing and ribbing that men get with it. It would piss me off.

I don’t have an engagement or wedding ring and have never worn one. If I suddenly started wearing a ring on my left ring finger it would invite a lot personal questions, and likely congratulations and it would be a pita explaining.

Insecure!!! How hard is it to say 'oh no, were not engaged, it's her ring from a relative'

Sounds like he's terrified of the idea of commitment. Red flag for me

happymeal654 my wedding ring would often end up on my right hand but my engagement ring always stayed on my left as it was too tight to take off easily.

@Oblomov21

I think it's odd of you to deliberately wear it on the left finger. Everyone knows what a ring on that finger signifies. I understand that he'd be put off and ask you not to wear it, bedside his friends are making assumptions. This seems completely reasonable to me and not controlling at all.

THIS ^^

Ring is similar to this. Very much a cocktail ring and not a ring you would typically think of as being an engagement ring.

I’m really not wearing it on my left hand just to piss him off. I know I fiddle with it a lot but I’ve never really thought much about it. It’s only now that’s he’s raised it that it’s annoyed me to the point I want to keep it on that hand.

That looks like an engagement ring to me sorry @DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

Those harping on about engagement and wedding rings being a sign of being a possession - you do know it's 2021 don't you? They haven't been that for a very long time. Me and my DH both wear rings as a sign and celebration of our marriage. We are equals in every way - financially, career, workload at home etc etc. And I can't think of many people I know who aren't equals in their marriage. I'm struggling right now to think of any. And we're quite old!

I know that unequal marriages (and relationships which aren't marriages) exist, but please don't try to suggest that wearing a wedding ring means you are in anu unequal relationship.

And to the op - of course you can wear a ring on whatever finger you like. There's no law. I completely understand, though, why your bf might be uncomfortable - I suspect he may feel that it is a (maybe even subconscious) sign that you would like to be married. When he is very clear he doesn't want that. It does seem that by continuing to wear it there, you are making the point of either a) I want to appear to be married or b) I'm doing it just to make the point that you don't control me.

If he is a controlling person, then b) is a very good reason to wear your ring there (but in that case, you shouldn't be with him at all).

I find it completely unbelievable that he is constantly being asked if you're engaged. What rubbish. More like he's decided he's such a catch that you're lying when you said you don't want to get married and he's all scared you'll suddenly demand this commitment.

FWIW my ring finger is half a size smaller than the corresponding one on my right hand so a ring that fits the first would not fit the second. I wear rings on whatever finger I want to, when I want to, and DP doesn't care one jot.

reallyreallyborednow I’ve met his friends and family and they’re all nice people. I just can’t imagine a conversation with any normal person would ever go beyond “are you and your gf engaged then?”
“No, it’s just her own ring that she wears on that finger, no plans to get engaged/ married”

It’s hardly going to be a constant battle that he’s having with them.

I would think of that ring on your ring finger was an engagment ring. People often don't go for diamonds.

You haven't answered if he is usually a decent person.

I find it odd that now he has said it, you now want to wear it on that finger to annoy him more.

If you are at that point in the relationship where one says something makes them uncomfortable and you don't agree, so you decided to do it more to annoy them, I don't think it's a great relationship.

I personally, would hate dp doing anything that hinted we were getting engaged. If he did that and then I told I didn't like it and he did it more, I would just think he was childish af and just finish it.

Looks like an engagement ring to me @DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange. I don't know what a cocktail ring is.

OP has said her ring is not a traditional looking wedding or engagement ring. Her partner is being odd about it.

I didn’t know about the nun ring thing either but I used to wear my wedding ring on my right hand and was told this by a lot of people. Im clearly not a nun either.

Would anyone really even give it a second thought if their friends girlfriend appeared occasionally with a random ring on her finger? I mean really it would bother anyone on here if their friends girlfriend sometimes appeared with a ring on her left hand and sometimes on her right?

Once that person has asked him once and been told once then that's it. No big deal.

OP has said her ring is not a traditional looking wedding or engagement ring. Her partner is being odd about it.

We now have a picture of a very engagementy ring.

layladomino the daft thing is that I’m the one that’s made it very clear that I don’t want to ever get married again. We’ve discussed it as DP said it might make sense to get married if/ when we move in together and I told I would never even consider marriage again.

I think he's being ridiculous and I'd suggest his embarrassment is an overreaction to a non-issue.

. I know I fiddle with it a lot but I’ve never really thought much about it.

I do wish you'd stop saying you 'fiddle' with the ring.

Fiddle usually means twirling it round your finger, or touching it on your hand.

It definitely does not mean swapping it from right hand to left- either hour by hour or each time you wear it.

It makes you look engaged or committed to someone. If he's not happy with that, wear it on your right hand like most people do with cocktail or dress rings.

You sound hard work.

Love that style of ring, friends wear those type of rings on their ‘wedding’ finger despite not being married or engaged or in a relationship. Nobody has ever assumed anything.

I would get curious about what it really is that is bothering him. Maybe he would like to get marries one day and having to deny an engagement is painful. Or he could be allergic to the idea of marrriage. The only way to find out is to sit down together and take the time to talk it through.
The ring itself is a red herring imho.

He got really weird friends