Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

I’d think it odd if my unmarried boyfriend who said he didn’t want to get married started wearing a ring in his ring finger. It’s making a point. It is a cultural signifier in a lot of British society.

And that looks like an engagement ring.

@Sparklingbrook

OP has said her ring is not a traditional looking wedding or engagement ring. Her partner is being odd about it.

We now have a picture of a very engagementy ring.

That was a cross post

Fair enough, I thought it was clearly not an engagement ring but I guess engagement rings do change over time.

unsoliciteddeckpic yes, he’s normally a very reasonable person. We never argue, he’s never tried to be controlling at all. I just found it odd how much this bothered him.

if OP wears the ring on her right hand, then won’t her boyfriends mates all think she’s a nun and married to God. Because traditionally that’s what the ring on the right hand symbolises

Sparklingbrook Sun 11-Jul-21 09:39:43
Is that widely known though? I didn't know that. I would expect they do know she's not a nun because I don't think nuns are allowed boyfriends. Unless I am out of date on that too.

Its not widely known because its not true

That was a cross post

Yes, sorry a grin emoji on my part would have made it look a lot less harsh.

Personally I would keep it on my right hand.

It is a symbolic thing, and no matter how much some people may not like it traditionally this is the ring an engagement ring would be on.

Did you put your old wedding and engagement rings on any old finger?

I don’t think it looks like an engagement ring either to be honest.

@godmum56 Thank you. I don't want to have to start googling what nuns are allowed and not allowed to do on my Sunday off. They aren't all like the hot priest in Fleabag presumably?

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

Fair enough, I thought it was clearly not an engagement ring but I guess engagement rings do change over time.

unsoliciteddeckpic yes, he’s normally a very reasonable person. We never argue, he’s never tried to be controlling at all. I just found it odd how much this bothered him.

But is it up to you to choose what bothers him or decide if its odd or not? IT evidently does bother him, you have to decide whether you will stop doing what bothers him or not.

I’ve never heard about the nun thing. The only ring signifiers that I think are generally known are ring fingers generally mean engaged/ married and pinky rings on men means twat.

[quote Sparklingbrook]@godmum56 Thank you. I don't want to have to start googling what nuns are allowed and not allowed to do on my Sunday off. They aren't all like the hot priest in Fleabag presumably?[/quote]
hahahaha

movinghouseatlast yes, as I said previously I did the same with my wedding ring. I did try to make more of a conscious effort to keep it left hand though.

@Sparklingbrook

OP has said her ring is not a traditional looking wedding or engagement ring. Her partner is being odd about it.

We now have a picture of a very engagementy ring.

It's not 'engagementy' It's the sort of ring people might wear as an engagement ring if they DIDN'T want to look like they were engaged.

But regardless. It's just a ring and a finger and that's it. Op has explained that it's not a hint or a signal and that should be the end of it.

I am getting an engagement ring soon almost exactly the same as your ring. I will wear it on the third finger of my left hand because it will be an engagement ring. If it weren't I would wear it on another finger.

pinky rings on men means twat

Now that's a new one. Source?

sparklingbrook it is known by anyone who has ever met a man with a pinky ring.

I'll never marry. I'm in a very long term relationship. When my grandmother died she left her wedding ring to me. I wear it sometimes. My OH doesn't notice. I'm aware that some people will think something when they see it, but that's their business. If they like they can ask me about it. If I chose I can explain. Its all quite straight forward.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

sparklingbrook it is known by anyone who has ever met a man with a pinky ring.

Yep!

It's not 'engagementy'
It's the sort of ring people might wear as an engagement ring if they DIDN'T want to look like they were engaged.*

Is it? I'll take your word for it. Looks like an engagement ring to me. I didn't know there were rings to wear to look like you are not engaged though.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

movinghouseatlast yes, as I said previously I did the same with my wedding ring. I did try to make more of a conscious effort to keep it left hand though.

You must be the only person I have ever come across who says they swap their wedding rings etc to each hand.

Really???

Most people never ever take a wedding ring off.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

Fair enough, I thought it was clearly not an engagement ring but I guess engagement rings do change over time.

unsoliciteddeckpic yes, he’s normally a very reasonable person. We never argue, he’s never tried to be controlling at all. I just found it odd how much this bothered him.

In that case have a proper conversation about it.

People keep saying 'your finger, your ring do what you want' and it is. But every single person, make minor adjustments to themselves when In a relationship.

There's a lone between a partner being abusive and just expressing they don't like something.

I think to you, you see it as a short converstation. But I know in my family it wouldn't be that short converstation.

There would be 'why did you say we are engaged
'We aren't and have no plans to
'But engagement rings
'It's not an engagment ring, it was a relatives'
'So why is she wearing it on her left ring finger. I bet she is hinting she wants to be engaged'
'No she doesn't want to get married'
'Ah thats what she says no...its definitely a hint'

And so on and so on.

And yes, he probably should just tell them to shut up. But people like that don't. And it's probably just easier to ask you to not wear it on your left hand, when you can wear it on your right.

I really don't think this is a huge deal either way, though tbh.

I don't know any men that wear a 'pinky ring' so can't do a survey. I always thought they were worn by the older generation. i'll keep a look out there must be some exceptions.

How about sovereign rings? Not seen one of those in a while-what do they signify?

I have always wore my rings on whichever finger I wanted, including ring finger.
It never even crossed my mind that it would have been considered such a crime and playing with people's minds 😂. I thought it was 21st century but apparently women still have to be policed to the smallest details, especially by other women. How petty.

The martial status of women was very important during times when women secured their future by marriage, people married quickly and you would get an offer of marriage even from men you barely knew.
Times have changed drastically and so many traditions are not that important anymore or are naturally evolving.

Honesty it's a non issue OP, especially if the ring does not even look like a typical engagement ring.

If mates ask he can just answer and move on.

If they make fun and he's worried then unless he's a teenager I would really be concerned about his maturity levels.

You are right that you can wear it on whichever finger your want however I have sympathy with him, it's culturally significant to wear a ring on your left 4th finger so people would jump to conclusions

I wear my old engagement ring on my left hand because I love the ring. I've been divorced a couple of years and separated nearly 9 and I don't associate the ring with my ex. I was told by a healthcare professional that I shouldn't wear it as I'd put off potential suitors as they'd think I was engaged. That might be true but I'm not interested in a relationship so it doesn't matter.