Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

I think lots of people are taking the wrong end of the stick, the main issue here is NOT being able to wear a ring wherever you want, the main issue here is that he doesn’t want people to assume you are as committed as a couple as you are implying with that ring.

What he really cares for is avoiding people seeing the relationship as a proper serious one. You may be better off assuming your relationship is not as serious as you think.

Maybe he plans to give you a ring to wear on "that" finger?

@OliverBabish

His friends: “Are you engaged?” Him: “No”

It really is that straight forward
He sounds like a knob

Enjoy the ring!

This. Tell him to grow the fuck up. If he goes on about this, it's a red flag.

I find it strange when people wear rings on that finger when not married or engaged, just like some who change their name to give the impression of being married when not.
I can see why he’s asked, yes it’s your ring but it’s his feelings so if you don’t care about them wear it where you like.

Alternatively, from his point of view, it's probably a red flag.

It would bother me that he’s uncomfortable with it looking like you may have got engaged.

Why are women here trying to police what other women wear? It’s none of your business whatsoever. Just as men don’t get to tell us what to wear, neither do you.

What he really cares for is avoiding people seeing the relationship as a proper serious one. You may be better off assuming your relationship is not as serious as you think.

This.^

And in my culture - 'serious' rings are traditionally worn on the 'legal' hand i. e. right.

I think people are being a bit disingenuous by saying nine of his friends would notice or care. If he has female friends, sisters, a mum, most of them would notice pretty quickly if his girlfriend appeared with a ring on that finger. I don't disputes that OP had a right to wear it wherever she likes but just don't all pretend you would not notice. I would be unlikely to notice as I don't even notice when someone goes from long to short hair, but most of my girlfriend's notice the slightest change or new piece of jewellery. He may also have older kids that he is trying not to upset.

@Naunet

Why are women here trying to police what other women wear? It’s none of your business whatsoever. Just as men don’t get to tell us what to wear, neither do you.

They are not trying to police it - they are merely saying the impression that it usually gives to other people and how the bf may feel about the relationship 🙄

2021 and there are PPs who think a woman's DP should be able to tell her how and when to wear her own jewellery. Because that is "being nice" and saving him the awful trauma of simply saying "its just a ring, no we are not getting married".

OP: wear your ring, tell him to manage his own communication with his own friends.

This thread is mad. Wedding finger? That is not a thing.

I bought a ring to wear on my right hand -
I’m left-handed for one thing so find rings more comfortable on my right hand - but it is a better fit on my left. So I move it according to what I’m doing. I would have no response if my DP had any opinion on this.

They are not trying to police it - they are merely saying the impression that it usually gives to other people and how the bf may feel about the relationship

Ahh I see, you’re just kindly pointing out that what women wear makes them responsible for others behaviour/opinions? Well that’s ok then.

I always used to wear allt of rings and some I wore on my ring finger, I was very young though and no-one said anything.
It wasn’t until I was older that work colleague would ask me why I did it (even though I had rings on all my other fingers). It never bothered my boyfriends at all, none of them ever mentioned it. When our single, female chief executive decided to ONLY wear a ring on her ring finger, no one said a word.

I'm Jewish, I wear my decorative rings on my left hand. I wear my watch on my left hand.

My left hand is my pretty hand- my right hand is my fighting hand! 😁

@Naunet

They are not trying to police it - they are merely saying the impression that it usually gives to other people and how the bf may feel about the relationship

Ahh I see, you’re just kindly pointing out that what women wear makes them responsible for others behaviour/opinions? Well that’s ok then.

In the case of a ring then yes - he possibly sees it as a desire to be married etc and yes people may think she is engaged but hey let's take it to the usual extreme of some people here 🙄

I have a hugely sentimental ring from my mum that I wear on my left hand ring finger. I’m right handed so I don’t like wearing it on the right. I am married, sometimes I wear it on its own, sometimes no ring, sometimes my real engagement or wedding ring, no-one has ever asked whether it’s my engagement ring, if I wasn’t married I would continue to wear it. My husband never wears a wedding ring. Surely a quick question clears up the matter very quickly if people are that bothered. He sounds childish if he can’t navigate that simple act of communication and like the sort of man that will insist that you take his surname.

This thread is mad. Wedding finger? That is not a thing.

It is a traditional 'thing' for the wedding/ engagement ring to be worn on the left hand on that particular finger. The ring finger it's often called. Isn't it?

God are engagement rings still A Thing? Amazing women capitulate to wearing a symbolic of possession like this. I'd assumed they were fading out.

Your DP is batshit crazy.

@WaterBottle123

God are engagement rings still A Thing? Amazing women capitulate to wearing a symbolic of possession like this. I'd assumed they were fading out.

Your DP is batshit crazy.

Do I need to bin my engagements and wedding rings now? I haven't received that memo. I'd quite like to keep them if that's ok.

Im sorry but I don't believe for one second that you fiddle so much the ring goes from one hand to the other. You want it to be on that finger that much is obvious. Im with your DP sorry and I think you're being very disrespectful. Yes you can wear rings on whatever finger you want, but if your partner is upset by that and asks you not to, and you continue, that's a red flag behaviour on your part.

Interesting how OP hasn't returned to comment and there are quite a few posts saying that she is in the wrong though.

@Unsure33

Wearing a ring on that finger is not a sign of “ ownership” it is a celebration of marriage .

Personally I would not wear other rings on that finger and that is my choice .

I am a bit torn on this one purely because I do think of that finger as one for engagement or wedding rings , so it does depend on how you were asked really .

Hopefully you can sort this out or consider it a 🚩 only you know.

Marriage is basically ownership of a woman though, traditionally. She gets given away by a man to another man and takes his name, handmaid style.

Then they gave kids and the woman reduces or removes her earning potential because it 'makes sense' and the man becomes the owner of the finances. Etc. Etc.

So a ring that is a symbol of marriage is a symbol of ownership.,

@LavenderAskew

How odd his friends are checking your fingers.

I find it uncomfortable that so many people see to think women must be policed in so many ways - even in such small ways as wearing a ring.

The OP is "playing a "game" just by wearing jewelery?

She can't wearing a ring on her ring finger her left hand because other cannot ascertain her status in society? What horror would that be!

What is the opinion of men who wear rings? Are they limited and must be controlled in their small choices to please others? What about married men who don't wear a ring on thier "wedding finger", how do we know if they belong to someone!!

This. I’d watch out for other signs of him being controlling.

And to those of you banging on about “tradition” and how crucial it is that everyone obey - I hope you all kept other traditions, like not having sex until you were married and obeying your husband.

No? So it’s ok to pick and choose which traditions you want to observe then?

I’d definitely notice if my friends girlfriend had a ring on her engagement finger.

Why are people pretending that it's not still largely considered the finger you wear engagement and weddings rings on?

Or pretending they didn't know engagment rings were still a thing?

Whatever, your feelings are I dot get the point pretending it's not a thing .