Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

The glue and gin was a bit of fun really - or meant to be.

It was admiring (and laughing at) the quite extreme extrapolation of what this all really meant, and the motives of the OP.

It was definitely supposed be tongue in cheek at how rapidly threads and opinions diverge. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry.

I wear rings on any finger they fit on, sometimes it's THE finger.

All he needs to do is say to his friends, no we're not engaged she's just wearing a ring. Who cares what finger it's on.

Your boyfriend is single, OP

Oxymoron right there.

[quote NotMyCat]@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange i know
They're actually resin rings with my horses hair set in them so that'll confuse people[/quote]

wow I love that 💕

@earminted

You hold all the power here OP, and understandably I think you like it.

yes ... imagine enjoying being oppressed 🙄

@claralara42

Your boyfriend is single, OP

Oxymoron right there.

Unmarried people are indeed single.

Equality is a nicer feeling than power.
Unfortunately those with power don't fancy risking it.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

castawayqueen I think he might be bit sensitive about my bluntness about not wanting to ever get married again. I know he wanted it to happen before we ever move in together (which won’t be for 3 years anyway). I’m financially in a much better place than he is, although he’s not in debt or anything, and I said I would never risk my finances again no matter how much I loved someone. And I do love him very much. I know that my honesty about it knocked him slightly but I’d much rather that than go through the hell I did for 3 years of my life where I very nearly lost everything that I’d worked so hard for.

Stick to your guns on the his OP.

And wear your jewelry however you like.

This weird attitude of his re the ring would have me re-evaluating him, tbh.

Unmarried people are indeed single

No they are not. Anyone in a relationship is not single.

I've been living with someone unmarried for 30 years, I can very much assure you that I am not single.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

rampantivy I’m not being disingenuous claiming that people I don’t know would consider it an engagement ring as I haven’t said that. All I’ve said is that I wear the ring on either of my ring fingers and it had never occurred to me until boyfriend mentioned it. I can understand that people might think it’s an engagement ring but they would either know me well enough to ask or be strangers whose opinion on my relationship status I don’t generally concern myself with. That’s why I found the situation odd.

Right; wouldn't anyone who actually mattered know whether or not you plan to be married? His objection is nuts.

@claralara42

Unmarried people are indeed single

No they are not. Anyone in a relationship is not single.

I've been living with someone unmarried for 30 years, I can very much assure you that I am not single.

Legally you are.

Legally you are

If legal was the only definition that matters you might have a point. But it isn't and you don't.

Nobody considers a person in a relationship to be single, in real life.

That is an interesting point. Single is not legally bound to anyone

Oh and even if it was, you'd still be wrong. OP's boyfriend is divorced, so legally he is not single.

perveenmistry if you were in a pub, had a boyfriend of over a year who you were exclusive with and a man came up to you and asked if you were single you would reply “yes”? Obviously people know that on a census or similar there is a difference between married, in a relationship, cohabiting etc. but in general, every day language no one in a relationship would say they are single.

This thread is just utterly bonkers. There is nothing that some people won’t argue about.

If you're in a relationship you're not single. Obviously. @PerveenMistry is just being picky, and unkind in trying to make out that unmarried people's relationships are lesser. Ok legally they may be single but come on. Cut people some slack. We're in 2021 ...you can be unmarried and it's fine .

QueenBee52 I don't think the OP is oppressed, I think she has been in the passed and will make sure she never feels that way again. She sounds OK.

@earminted

QueenBee52 I don't think the OP is oppressed, I think she has been in the passed and will make sure she never feels that way again. She sounds OK.

oh yes I agree and she is quite right to maintain this position as I would recommend all women do so..

🌸

@Viviennemary

That is an interesting point. Single is not legally bound to anyone

That's my interpretation. I'm with an SO of 4 years but still consider myself single. And have zero desire to be married.

If others want to use another definition, that's their right. But try getting " next of kin" access at a hospital or in other crises if you aren't legally married.

perveenmistry but in regular conversation, which this is, would you tell a man that you were single if he asked you? Or would you say that you’re in a relationship?

If others want to use another definition, that's their right. But try getting " next of kin" access at a hospital or in other crises if you aren't legally married

Never been a problem.

Thanks earminted and queenbee52

If others want to use another definition, that's their right. But try getting " next of kin" access at a hospital or in other crises if you aren't legally married.

Never been an issue for me.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

perveenmistry but in regular conversation, which this is, would you tell a man that you were single if he asked you? Or would you say that you’re in a relationship?

I don't get that many people inquiring about my marital status.

If it were some pest in a bar I'd say I was married to get rid. If it were a co-worker or other non-obnoxious person I'd probably say "I'm not married." My personal relationships aren't fodder for casual conversation.

Here in the US, non-married partners cannot weigh in during health emergencies or often even gain access to ICU, etc.