Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

newly acquired single boyfriend.

Well he's not single if he's her bf.

Unless you mean single in contrast to multiple; does she have a plethora of boyfriends?

What's the huge problem with him telling his (weirdly observant) friends "nah it's not an engagement ring/we haven't gotten engages, she just wears it on either of her third fingers cause it only fits there".

How many times do you have to say that? How many different groups of friends dies he have?

crystal90567 wins the prize for the most melodramatic response to an unengaged woman occasionally wearing a cocktail ring on her ring finger.

I don't get what his deal is.

If his friends want to say that I’m desperate to get engaged behind my back then they can go ahead. If they ask me about it I can tell them that I don’t want to get engaged and they can either believe it or not. They all seem a lot more rational than a lot of the responses on here though.

As for "ring" finger ... Some engaged and married people don't wear rings at all, some not engaged or married people wear rings on that finger. It's the opposite finger for wedding etc rings in Europe so you can't tell if they're single or just wearing a ring on their Rh third finger.

It doesn't matter.

He's being silly.

I also have no intention of rewriting history, nor am I attempting to erase centuries of tradition. I just fiddle with a ring sometimes.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

If his friends want to say that I’m desperate to get engaged behind my back then they can go ahead. If they ask me about it I can tell them that I don’t want to get engaged and they can either believe it or not. They all seem a lot more rational than a lot of the responses on here though.

His mates sound like gossipy, drama queen, "bantering" twats.

I wouldn't even notice someone wearing or not wearing a ring on their ring finger and if I did, and they hadn't announced an engagement, I'd presume they were just wearing a ring they liked on that finger.

Well said OP
It's a non-issue.

Plus why would anyone think someone wanted to get engaged because they wore a ring on their "ring" finger??!!

Is it supposed to be some kind of subliminal manipulation of their partner or something; like wtf .

I'm usually very wear what you want when you want. But if the ring looks like an engagement or wedding ring I would find it weird too tbh.

hereticfanjo it’s a cocktail ring like the one I’ve attached. I didn’t think it looked anything like an engagement ring but several posters have said it does.

@FootieFever22

newly acquired single boyfriend.

Well he's not single if he's her bf.

Unless you mean single in contrast to multiple; does she have a plethora of boyfriends?

@FootieFever22 Is the footie fever going to your head?

Someone is single unless they are married, or separated.

The boyfriend is single.

@Crystal90567

Your being ridiculous if you think wearing an engagement ring, in a society that knows it's an engagement ring symbol to wear an engagement ring on that finger, is not ridiculous. I'm completely on his side and I'd leave you. Its controlling, manipulative and gas lighting. Are you trying to change all society so these rules dont exist?

Ahahahahahahah. I love mumsnet.

"I wear a ring I like"
"You are gaslighting"

How old are you both OP?

I thought at first you were both maybe late 30s or early 40s, but the more I read, the younger you both appear.

I can't imagine mature men ( 30+ or more) gossiping about a ring a mate's girlfriend wears. But then I don't believe his mates have made those comments at all.

Really? If someone asked me if I was single I’d say “no” know that I’m in a relationship but I would’ve said “yes” during the 3 years after I separated from my husband but before the divorce came through.

@FootieFever22 Is the footie fever going to your head?Someone is single unless they are married, or separated.The boyfriend is single

Are you on glue? Someone is single, unless they are in a relationship. He's not single.

Honestly I've never seen so much stupid on MN than I have today.

[quote 66babe]@VerticalHorizon I think it's the hysteria of the upcoming football match 😂[/quote]
Omg don't or you'll get the football haters coming out to declare football fans as gaslighting and abusive too 😂

This thread is hilarious! So dramatic 😂
OP if I were you I'd unfortunately want to wear the ring on my ring finger even more now that your boyfriend has asked you not to. And that's why I'm shit in relationships!

I’m mid 30’s, he’s late 40’s. We’re both divorced. The only gossiping his friends have been doing is, as far as I’m aware, in the minds of some of the other posters. I’ve just been responding.

This thread is making me want to buy myself an engagement ring. Half of you are insane.

Every day's a learning day on Mumsnet . I am trying to learn how to identify rings by the power of Google!

Frankly they all look a bit samey to me. Engagement rings seem to be white stones on a band, except when they're a different colour on a band, or mahoosive things if you're Beyonce.

And cocktail rings seem to be coloured stones on a band or mahoosive things you could (and probably should) use as knuckledusters if your boyfriend tells you to wear it on a different hand.

Someone is single unless they are married, or separated did you purposefully omit cohabiting couples who are Not married but def not single

That’s quite a rigid and outmoded way of seeing relationships, it’s not an either or division. It really isn’t single or married. For most people there a lot in between

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

hereticfanjo it’s a cocktail ring like the one I’ve attached. I didn’t think it looked anything like an engagement ring but several posters have said it does.

I'm not a ring connoisseur, so yes, it looks like an engagement ring to me. A friend of mine wears something very similar. It is her engagement ring.

Wear it on any finger you like, but I still think it is disingenuous to think that people who don't know you very well might assume it was an engagement ring if you wear it on your ring finger on your left hand.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

This thread is making me want to buy myself an engagement ring. Half of you are insane.

Only half? . I genuinely didn’t realise people were constantly analysing what I’m wearing and on what body part and making judgements about me, my life and my motivations based on it. So weird!