Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

You have only been together for a year in lockdown. I really wouldn't fret, your relationship is not, nor will be serious IMO. A year is not a DP nor a 'long term relationship' it is a casual BF at best.

Although it is clear you want it to be. You're not fooling anyone with this ring angst, sorry.

It’s like saying “wear less makeup” or “don’t wear short skirts”. And then making a fuss when you won’t comply? I wouldn’t like that AT ALL.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

Thanks aquamarine1029 that was my thought exactly. I told him that I’m not planning on taking it off and he just had a bit of a strop telling me that he’d never asked me to do anything for him before (which is true, tbf) and there was no reason I couldn’t just put it on my right hand instead.

He's nuts.

@Comtesse

It’s like saying “wear less makeup” or “don’t wear short skirts”. And then making a fuss when you won’t comply? I wouldn’t like that AT ALL.

I'm not sure it is. If it turns into that, then definitely dump.

@Carrott21

Obviously do as you please etc etc, but i think that finger is for engagement rings and wedding rings. Its a signal isnt it? The fact he's so against it might play on my mind...as in he doesn't want commitment.

Nonsense. I've no intention of getting married & wear rings on that finger all the time.

Some cultures wear wedding jewelry on the right hand. Are we singles then to forego that sacred finger as well?

@BillieSpain

You have only been together for a year in lockdown. I really wouldn't fret, your relationship is not, nor will be serious IMO. A year is not a DP nor a 'long term relationship' it is a casual BF at best.

Although it is clear you want it to be. You're not fooling anyone with this ring angst, sorry.

yup. this

@Billandben444

He has said that it makes him feel uncomfortable when his friends keep asking/teasing him whether you are engaged or not. If you're OK causing this discomfort then carry on.

I would be wondering why such easily-corrected assumptions are such a problem for him. Is he ashamed of the relationship??

billiespain why will my relationship never be serious?

Again, anyone telling me that I’m wearing it because I secretly want to get married - i really, really don’t. I will never allow the possibility of having all my savings and possessions cut in half again. If you don’t believe this then there is very little point responding to the thread.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Well it's a tradition going back hundreds of years to show whether you are married or engaged. Dunno

Not in all cultures.

Also there are married couples who don't wear rings at all.

you might not want to get married but I think that you want him to want to marry you

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

billiespain why will my relationship never be serious?

Again, anyone telling me that I’m wearing it because I secretly want to get married - i really, really don’t. I will never allow the possibility of having all my savings and possessions cut in half again. If you don’t believe this then there is very little point responding to the thread.

That's exactly why I won't.

People do presume all women want to marry or marry again. It's really weird.

People often don't believe me either.

I have far more in assets and earnings to risk getting married again.

I'm surprised at all the anger on this thread. TBH I am conflicted on this. Of course you can wear a ring where you like, but on the other hand, regardless of what you think, the message it conveys is that you are engaged or want to be engaged.

I’m afraid it does look like an engagement ring to me. You can’t control what other people might assume, and it is naïve to think that other people won’t conclude that you are engaged.

It's a bit fallacious bringing other cultures' ring practices into it. That's just whataboutery.

In the society you live in, there are generally symbols and practices the majority buy into. You, as an individual, can choose not to and that's fine, but you can't get away from the fact that the people around you will see it as that symbol or practice.

@Ifitquacks

Reading things like this, I’m genuinely glad that my social circle isn’t arsed where people wear their rings and wouldn’t even give it a second thought. It must get really wearing analysing what other people do and what they intend by it all the time.

Sure! Nobody in your social circle would question it if you came to meet them with an engagement ring on your wedding finger. Nah, of COURSE they wouldn't. LMFAO!

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

billiespain why will my relationship never be serious?

Again, anyone telling me that I’m wearing it because I secretly want to get married - i really, really don’t. I will never allow the possibility of having all my savings and possessions cut in half again. If you don’t believe this then there is very little point responding to the thread.

Well this BF does not see the relationship as long term as you, hence his worry with the ring, hence your worry about that.

Wear the ring where you want.

People will reply to your question. I am glad you are not over invested in him. Honestly, 'about a year' in lockdown is really not long. You are overthinking this. Really. Wear your ring, but your BF is just that.

[quote FlaminEckVera]@Ifitquacks

Reading things like this, I’m genuinely glad that my social circle isn’t arsed where people wear their rings and wouldn’t even give it a second thought. It must get really wearing analysing what other people do and what they intend by it all the time.

Sure! Nobody in your social circle would question it if you came to meet them with an engagement ring on your wedding finger. Nah, of COURSE they wouldn't. LMFAO! [/quote]
As I’m married (but don’t wear a ring, although DH does) I doubt they’d even blink. But genuinely no, I don’t think they’d give a shiny shit.

It's not you that's odd, it's his friends! How can they even care about this. It's your hand and you can wear your ring on any finger you like.

The fact your DP brought this up to you and doesn't think his friends are a bit stupid with their comments would put me off him a bit...

I actually find it more odd if I turned up to meet my friends with a ring on my engagement finger and everyone asked if I was engaged. If I was, I would probably have mentioned it!

I don’t care where anyone wears rings but you know damn fine that if you turn up to his friends with a ring on your engagement finger (the traditional one in the UK) his friends are going to ask

So they've asked, got the answer, and it's done. Where is the issue?

[quote FlaminEckVera]@Ifitquacks

Reading things like this, I’m genuinely glad that my social circle isn’t arsed where people wear their rings and wouldn’t even give it a second thought. It must get really wearing analysing what other people do and what they intend by it all the time.

Sure! Nobody in your social circle would question it if you came to meet them with an engagement ring on your wedding finger. Nah, of COURSE they wouldn't. LMFAO! [/quote]
I'm guessing that someone might ask, but they'd be told that it wasn't an engagement ring, and there wouldn't be any need for further discussion.

Failing to see what's funny about it though

Having read some of the replies on this thread, I'm now thinking that the 'problem' is that you have categorically stated that you don't want to get married.

His ego is hurt. He, like some of the posters on here, clearly believes that every woman's end goal is to be married. Yet here you are, telling him that you don't want to marry him. It doesn't compute, in his mind:

Woman= needs to be married.
Man= needs to be the one dictating whether or not they will get married. And when.

So you're flouting 'The Rules'. And damaging his ego.

As an aside- I don't think that ring looks anything like an engagement ring. It's quite clearly a cocktail ring.

World's gone mad.

Thankfully, all the sensible folks are here to tell you what this all signifies, and where your future lies!

For God's sake don't tell them you're having a cup of tea, or they'll all be clamouring round to interpret the leaves.

@Ifitquacks

I actually find it more odd if I turned up to meet my friends with a ring on my engagement finger and everyone asked if I was engaged. If I was, I would probably have mentioned it!

Or that anyone would notice your jewellery anyway, unless it was in the context of an engagement announcement, or you were actually wearing the Koh-I-Noor diamond and had a bodyguard surgically attached to your side.

I’ve worn the same two rings for aeons while in a committed but unmarried relationship, occasionally moving fingers (if swollen during pregnancy etc) without anyone thinking they suddenly meant something else because one was on my left-hand ring finger.

People saying it's a cocktail ring vs an engagement ring - do you think other people have the same level of knowledge as you of jewellery? Perfectly reasonable for a bunch of blokes presumably not to know the difference, isn't it?

I know fuck all about rings. I can tell a cock ring from an engagement ring, and that's about it .

PMSL at the posters saying NOBODY they KNOW in their social circle would notice if they suddenly turned up with an engagement ring on their wedding finger. OH COME ON!!!! Do you seriously expect people on here to believe this? You must think people on here are proper daft. Of COURSE people would notice, and would ask about it. Stop trying to kid yourself (AND people on here,) that no-one would mention it.

Bonkers.