Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

How hard would it be for him to practise this phrase: 'It's just a ring her relative left her'?

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

Ring is similar to this. Very much a cocktail ring and not a ring you would typically think of as being an engagement ring.

I’m really not wearing it on my left hand just to piss him off. I know I fiddle with it a lot but I’ve never really thought much about it. It’s only now that’s he’s raised it that it’s annoyed me to the point I want to keep it on that hand.

I love this ring, it's gorgeous. I agree with you OP, doesn't look like an engagement ring to me. Looks like a Thomas Sabo ring to me, but nicer.

I don’t get why you fiddle with it and it ends up on your left hand. I wear a ring on my right ring finger, and have never found myself ‘fiddling’ it onto my left hand tbh.

@PearlNextDoor

ha ha, having worked in a jewellery shop on henry street dublin 1 in my youth, I can tell you what sovereign rings signify . But I won't.

What do they signify? I'm interested to know.

@TheNameTheWebsiteForgot

I wear my nans VERY obvious engagement ring on my right hand. Used to be on my left hand but I got fatter and it would only fit on my right hand.

I'm 50, I'll wear my ring where ever I want.

Everyone is 'entitled' to wear whatever ring they want on whatever finger they want, but also, the OP's partner is entitled to question why she is wearing it when they are not engaged to be married and never WILL be.

As I said, it screams 'I wish I was engaged to be married' to me, and according to this thread, it does to many other people too.

The OP can continue to wear the ring on her wedding finger if she wants, but she shouldn't be surprised or shocked if her DP, says 'nah, I'm out...' because HE clearly thinks she is screaming 'marry me, marry me,' too, or he wouldn't have asked her to stop wearing the ring on her wedding finger.

Like a few other posters here, I believe deep down, that the OP wants to be engaged to be married - OR she wants people to THINK she is.

@emptyempire

I disagree with pp...I think you're game playing by putting it on your ring finger. Just wear it on tour right hand, problem solved. Attention seeking behaviour!

Agreed. It's deliberately provocative to wear it on your left hand.

Especially as you say that "It’s only now that’s he’s raised it that it’s annoyed me to the point I want to keep it on that hand".

flamingheckvera I can promise you with the utmost certainty I don’t want to get married and this will never change. Surely if I wanted to get married I wouldn’t be wearing a ring on that finger and I would have told dp that, yes, maybe we should consider marriage before we move in together. Do you think I’m trying to trick him into thinking he’s already proposed or something?

I don’t see the problem here. He sounds like a nice man, it sounds like you will continue to wear it on that finger to prove a point! Personally, I would just stop. It does look like you are engaged.

Can't see an issue with it. People can speculate all they like, but they can also have the answer if they bother to ask.
It's really nothing of any consequence and I'm surprised he's asked you to remove it.
Personally, I'd be more inclined to laugh at their assumptions and share the joke between you.

Wear what you want to. Always.

As I said, it screams 'I wish I was engaged to be married' to me, and according to this thread, it does to many other people too

Reading things like this, I’m genuinely glad that my social circle isn’t arsed where people wear their rings and wouldn’t even give it a second thought. It must get really wearing analysing what other people do and what they intend by it all the time.

livelovebehappy I work in a call centre and when I’m on boring calls I sort of put my two ring fingers end to end and slide them up and down between the two, if that makes any sense at all. Then whenever I need to start typing I just push it back on whichever finger it’s on at the time and type away. I did it for years with my wedding ring and now do it with this one. It’s just an absent minded habit I have. Definitely not some master plan to get my boyfriend to propose when I’ve already told him I don’t want to get married. Because I don’t want to get married, despite all the armchair psychologists who are adamant that I do.

Agreed. It's deliberately provocative to wear it on your left hand.

How can it be deliberately provocative if she's not deliberately doing it to be provocative?

I think some folks are looking to be provoked at any opportunity.

I think he’s bothered by it because it underlines that the idea of marriage means nothing to you now. I imagine he may harbour feelings of sadness that you are so adamant you don’t ever want to marry him.

Maybe not but might be worth a chat rather than knee jerk annoyance.

This is being blown so out of proportion by some posters. It's so weird. We have

'You are game playing'
'It's a red flag....dump him'
'He can't cope with the trauma of a conversation' even though no one said it was a trauma for him
'OP isn't commuting a crime' no one said she was.

It really could be just, OP does this. Didn't really think about it. He is fed up of being asked and mentioned it to OP and said he would prefer her not to.

There doesn't have to be trauma and game playing and red flags in every situation.

It’s possibly deliberately provocative now as DP has told me he doesn’t like it. It certainly wasn’t previously though, I hadn’t given it a second thought at all.

As I said, it screams 'I wish I was engaged to be married' to me, and according to this thread, it does to many other people too

What a complete crock of fuckery this is. It 'screams'!!
It's a ring. It has sentimental value. It fits on that finger. That's it.

Personally I think you're wearing the ring on the wedding finger on purpose. It smacks of desperation to belong and you want everyone to know you're a couple. It's pretty childish tbh.

I know you say you don't want to be engaged or married, but I honestly don't believe you. If he proposed now you'd snap his hand off.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

flamingheckvera I can promise you with the utmost certainty I don’t want to get married and this will never change. Surely if I wanted to get married I wouldn’t be wearing a ring on that finger and I would have told dp that, yes, maybe we should consider marriage before we move in together. Do you think I’m trying to trick him into thinking he’s already proposed or something?

I think you're messing with him, yes

@L0bstersLass

It's deliberately provocative to wear it on your left hand

Wow. Can't believe I'm reading this.

'Woman! You are wearing something deliberately provocative and my friends are making comments! Please change your attire to something more suited to my preferences!'

I have some sympathy with his point. I don't wear much jewellery and didn't really want to wear a ring when we got married.

Having decided to do so, to see whether I noticed it, I now wear it all the time. I have been surprised by how many people notice that I wear a ring and therefore know I am married.

It is a recognised symbol.

If he didn't care about getting married to you, I'd expect him to shrug it off unless of course, he does want you to get married or make a statement of commitment at some point.

I have a fab ring that an aunt gave me. It is ‘contemporary’ but high quality. The only finger it fits is 3rd finger L hand so that’s where I wear it.

That’s that.

If it screams anything at anyone, get ear plugs.

Even if he doesn't like it. It's only a ring. Does it put the fear of God into him, or make him physically sick?

If he wore watches, and you liked 3 of them, but didn't like another, would you ask him not to wear that one? 'Not liking' is just a personal taste thing, but I don't think I'd ask anybody not to wear something unless it was likely to cause offence and affect others.

@Doghead

Personally I think you're wearing the ring on the wedding finger on purpose. It smacks of desperation to belong and you want everyone to know you're a couple. It's pretty childish tbh.

I know you say you don't want to be engaged or married, but I honestly don't believe you. If he proposed now you'd snap his hand off.

I think it’s pretty childish to care so much wear someone wears a piece of jewellery on their own body. Guess we’re all different.

*where

I do agree that it's not possible for a ring to 'scream' anything.