Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

Oh come on that looks nothing like an engagement ring unless you’re Elizabeth Taylor!

Yes, because, people have claimed its a crime for op to wear a ring

My friends engagement ring is beautiful. And just like that. That looks like an engagement ring

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange I agree with the posters saying it's a bit odd, and if I were your DP I wouldn't be happy with it either. It's screaming 'I wish I was engaged to be married...'

Not sure I see a future in this relationship, because even though you say neither one of you wants to get married - ever, I suspect you do... deep down. Any person who doesn't want to be married, would NOT be wearing a ring that looks exactly like an engagement ring, on their wedding finger.

If it's true that you don't want to get married, then FGS stop wearing this ring on your WEDDING finger. It's just odd. If it won't fit any other finger, then put it on a gold chain and wear it around your neck.

@FreeBritnee

Oh come on that looks nothing like an engagement ring unless you’re Elizabeth Taylor!

It's a ring with a stone. I am not Elizabeth Taylor (isn't she dead?) but I think that could quite well be an engagement ring, depending on your taste. Although I have an engagement ring that isn't the traditional so maybe that's why.

Its on your ring finger, people will assume you are engaged. Can't you have it resized to go on another finger

@DeeCeeCherry

Chisandbiscuits I wouldn’t want to be with any bloke that didn’t aspire to marry me in the future even if I didn’t want to marry him

OP told him she doesn't want to get married again so how can he aspire to marry her?

You're messing about OP - I bet you didn't fiddle with your wedding ring so, it seems you want to wear this ring on your ring finger.

It's none of your DPs business if you choose to do that but I bet you were more than well aware he'd comment and that friends would, too. & you wanted that but likely he's not saying what you think he should say.

I agree with DeeCeeCherry's post on this. I do believe there's a bit of game-playing involved hence the thread in the first place.

It's a bit of a non-issue anyway because in mainland Europe, Wedding/engagement rings are worn on the ring finger of the right hand. As most PP have said, you can wear them on any finger you want so why did you not just say this to your boyfriend and tell him it's not his business?

Sorry OP... examine your motives for what you're doing here because I don't think they're quite straightforward somehow.

@FreeBritnee

Oh come on that looks nothing like an engagement ring unless you’re Elizabeth Taylor!

It looks EXACTLY like an engagement ring.

@YarnOver

My friends engagement ring is beautiful. And just like that. That looks like an engagement ring

Well the bad news is your friend is Elizabeth Taylor apparently.

I wear a dress ring on my left hand because that's where it looks best.

Surely you met in lockdown so can't be lots of socialising going on and I've rarely met anyone who notices. If he tells family doesn't that clear it up? Do they still pester him after he had told them or does he want to avoid any conversation.

I think the explanation "because I say so" is the red flag..a conversation about what's going on for him would be healthier.

You are together only a year, that's no time at all..the only man that asked me to change something in a similar timeframe, without a proper discussion was ultimately controlling. On reflection it was his reasoning, he put his feelings above mine, and that continued throughout the relationship.

I absolutely agree that it's a good idea NOT to get married again though, good for you, OP!

I don't think you're unreasonable to wear a ring as you want - I fiddle with mine and it ends up all over the place (but it's a silicone band so it fits pretty much all my fingers other than my fourth), but he's also not unreasonable that it may bring comments that he'd rather not deal with enough to ask.

It seems something to discuss further, there are other options like resizing or putting it on a necklace, or just discussing how you both want to handle those questions, rather than just one way or the other.

I noticed when someone I know started to wear a ring and I did ask about it in a 'is that a new ring?' sort a way (along with how the obviously new tattoo close to it was healing). It turned out they were both part of getting engaged, we had a lovely chat about it.

Someone we were with hadn't noticed the ring and actually got a bit arsey when I expressed mild surprise - it's a very wide band and it's pretty close to the tattoo he did notice - but apparently there is 'no reason' to notice a ring unless you're attracted to someone 🙄 I think that's bollocks, but obviously we all notice and comment on things differently.

@Sparklingbrook

I don't know any men that wear a 'pinky ring' so can't do a survey. I always thought they were worn by the older generation. i'll keep a look out there must be some exceptions.

How about sovereign rings? Not seen one of those in a while-what do they signify?

Oooh @Sparklingbrook that's a loaded question!!

I wear my nans VERY obvious engagement ring on my right hand. Used to be on my left hand but I got fatter and it would only fit on my right hand.

I'm 50, I'll wear my ring where ever I want.

@Sparklingbrook wowza my friend is a dead celeb

I can understand what he means, as having it on that finger does have significance. But I suppose it's not much effort for him to explain in one sentence when asked.

[quote YarnOver]@Sparklingbrook wowza my friend is a dead celeb[/quote]
Yup! Break it to her gently...

If he's close to people and communicates with them then they won't need to ''assume'' anything.

Sounds like you love the ring. I'd wear it in your shoes.

I think it's a massive over-reaction on his part and I would be questioning the relationship.

Most real men wouldn't notice or even give it a second thought anyway particularly as it doesn't even look anything like an engagement ring!
I

ha ha, having worked in a jewellery shop on henry street dublin 1 in my youth, I can tell you what sovereign rings signify . But I won't.

He asked; you said no; he should not raise the subject again.

He seems to care way too much about what other people think about his level of commitment to you. I'd be concerned about his lack of backbone, self confidence to just tell people 'no, we're not engaged, move on' and roll with it.

@PearlNextDoor

ha ha, having worked in a jewellery shop on henry street dublin 1 in my youth, I can tell you what sovereign rings signify . But I won't.

Yes, forget i ever asked. Let's get back to engagement rings that aren't engagement rings but look like they are.

@Aquamarine1029

there was no reason I couldn’t just put it on my right hand instead

There's no reason you can't wear it wherever you fucking choose to. Do not cave into this. It won't stop here if you do.

Fully agree.

I used to wear rings on many fingers, and when I met my now DH I wore them. Never did he ask me to move any to appease his ego.
When we got engaged I did move the rings to accommodate the engagement ring.
In recent years, despite the rest of me rather spreading, my fingers have become thinner and the only ring that currently fits is my wedding ring. My engagement ring keeps slipping around and it's annoying so I don't wear it.
Again, my DH's response was to make sure I put the ring away safely at home, and not anything about why I should wear it, or on which finger.

jimglinghellsbells yes. As I said I’m a fiddler and I’m constantly twisting my rings and moving them from one hand to the other. I’d always try and remember to put my wedding ring back on my left hand and if I spotted it on my right hand I’d move it over. I haven’t with those ring as it’s just never crossed my mind.

sparklingbrook I can’t say I’ve made an assessment of sovereign rings. My pinky ring survey started when I was at uni and I have yet to find an exception to the rule. I’m sure they exist though.

I see his point.