I had a phonecall this afternoon...

[Itwasgoodwhileitlasted]

DH had taken DS to swim lessons. This is the second time he has taken him, I've taken him once myself.

So it is a 30 minute lesson and parents are told to sit in cars in car park to wait because of covid.

DS swim lesson finished at 3.10pm and I had a phonecall at 3.30pm asking who was picking him up!!

It then transpires DH had dropped off DS and gone to run "errands".

I was livid and mortified. Swim school gave me a bollocking because there was no one responsible for DS in event of an emergency.

Not even mentioning DS was scared and freezing cold while he waited for a towel.

DH is swanning around like it is no big deal while I plot our divorce.

On a scale of useless arsehole what would you score him?

I've given him 10/10

I totally hear you, OP, with the infuriating feeling. Life was so so much easier if my (now ex) husband wasn’t around to fuck it up.

Since the swim school has specifically asked parents to wait then he's an arrogant arsehole for not doing so.

I'm guessing they ask that because of precisely this scenario. They don't want to be left caring for kids whose parents are late picking up. In the worst case, they can't let the next class in because they're still stuck caring for the previous class after the lesson.

[quote NerrSnerr]@WallaceinAnderland in the school swimming lessons isn't there usually a teacher in the changing rooms supervising?
[/quote]
Yes there is and a couple of dbs checked adults in my ds school (large school) ds isnt good at getting dry and dressed (sen etc) so they encourage him giving him instructions and passing him his clothing the right way round etc

At our swimming lessons, we are not even allowed to wait in the carpark - drop off and collect only, which I'm not very happy with.

But @Itwasgoodwhileitlasted - I would be also frustrated, very much sounds like something my DH would do. And I am at the end of my tether with it all.

@whichwayisup

Because that's what I'm saying... It's sink or swim young Ralph, it's a hard lesson but it'll be worth it, in terms of evolution. He didn't leave young Ralph gasping for breath at the side of the pool with no one able to give him mouth to mouth until the father arrived. Young Ralph had to sit at the side of the pool for 20 minutes waiting for a parent to pick him up. Ralph has never been left anywhere before but he has been brought up secure in the knowledge that someone will pick him up because he's loved and cared for. The worst that happens to little Ralph's psyche in this particular example is that he learns that there really is no need to freak out unnecessarily because, yes, mum or dad might sometimes be late for a variety of reasons nearly all of which will not be catastrophic. He may learn a little patience and he'll feel a little more secure.

OP, sounds like something mine would do. No concept of time or organisation. That's why I do everything. And there's no challenge because I do it so well. If I have to pass on a task I go over it to make sure he's listened and understood.

For me, I’d be cross too but get over it quickly as a one off. Different if DH does it all the time though? Is he genuinely under a lot of work pressure? Are you under work pressure yourself? This past year has been intense, lots of us are overwhelmed

It's the uncertainty and the lack of control. The child has no idea when their parent will arrive. Children also usually know that their parent has breached an etiquette rule and they can feel quite uncomfortable about it, but they have no power to fix it. The teachers have other things to do and don't really want to be waiting around for a parent to pick up. If it's the end of their shift then it is unpaid too, which is disrespectful to the teachers.

It's not ideal but it's hardly the end of the world. It was twenty minutes. Life happens.

@whichwayisup

I'm afraid yours seems to be a similar approach to that of posters who say they were smacked and it never did them any harm / men can't say anything nowadays etc. Times change, often for the better. Leaving children unattended, confused and frightened isn't acceptable and is widely thought of as irresponsible and negligent behaviour. Years ago it wouldn't have been. It's a positive that isn't the case any more.

I doubt your DH would be 20 mins late for a meeting at work with senior colleagues.

Therefor your DC have a very low value and patio moment has been reached.

Talk about it, why are you and the DC worth so little?
Honestly with some blokes it is because they never stopped to think about your value. Make him think.

By the way, those little digger things are so much fun to use and your imagination is free to run rife

Due to covid, many pools do not have changing rooms!

You drop the kids at the door, pick them up WITH THEIR TOWEL and shoes at the door.

You are expected to stay for the duration of the lesson.

It's completely irrelevant if the child is used to something different when swimming with his school, if a poster used to walk to the pool and back alone when they were 4.

Poor lad! The thought of him being left waiting to be picked up is bad enough, but to be in his wet swimwear with no towel! And 20 minutes! I would be furious.

This is shit. What a hateful man.

I want him to have to stand in swim shorts, freezing cold, for half an hour. Why should your kid suffer that plus embarrassment plus confusion and insecurity, all because his dad doesn’t really give a damn about him.

Wanker.

Poor kid. I feel your pain op. H regularly asks me what time DS finishes school on the few occasions he agrees to pick him up - he's only been there 4 years!

I would be furious. The swim teachers have had to stay behind and wait for him, and it inconveniences them.

Op, you have my sympathy.

Your husband disrespected the pool people, he disrespected your son and he disrespected you.

Everybodies time was less important than his. FACT.

@Postdatedpandemic is right, those little diggers are great fun, a little Bobcat will cost you about £150.00 plus VAT for the day and should get the job done but if you think you may need it longer £350.00 plus VAT for the week is quite reasonable if you need a bigger hole for posters who seems adamant on revving you up.

Happy digging.
You are completely right.

Get rid. He’s a useless arsehole. You sound fed up with him anyway.

There are some shit parents all around and many are said to be wonderful dads, which makes me wonder if their wives are desperate or on glue.

We went into Game once and found my friend’s 7 year old alone in the store. He said his dad left him there while he was going to another shop, so we stayed with him first because we thought of saying hi, more than an hour later the bastard was nowhere to be seen.
He arrived back to Game 2 hours after leaving the child alone there. My friend, who keeps turning a blind eye to these things thinks he is the kindest dad on Earth.

@Onthedunes

Your husband disrespected the pool people, he disrespected your son and he disrespected you.

Everybodies time was less important than his. FACT.

This.

@Elieza

Ya gotta cover all bases

This is shocking op, I'd be fuming too. Not sure why anyone would think it's acceptable to leave a 7yr old wet, no towel and wondering where there parent is for over 20 minutes in order to run some errands.

I must also live in a parallel universe. DH takes DC swimming every Saturday without issue and it's never occurred to me to think it's a big achievement for a man. Surely dropping off and collecting a child on time is one of the most basic parenting tasks (and I say this as someone with dyslexia and terrible time management).

Also wtf @GrandmasCat that's terrible.

@myfuckingfreezer

What am I missing that makes it awful to run errands during a swim lesson?

In the event DS fell by the pool and broke his arm Daddy was half an hour away waiting for a maccies breakfast or posting a parcel.

He should have been there.

Why divorce, when murder is an option?

It's like the old she divorced me for leaving dishes by the sink. One day after having to do everything for everyone with zero input from your partner you just say fuck it, it's easier without them. Then you carry on as before but without having to baby and grown man.
Also as the childs father he should know the rules regarding his sons swimming lessons whether mumsnetters think they are unreaaonable rules is of no relevance.

This is the kind of shit that my DP would pull and I am on my last nerve with him too. DP would think it was fine/funny while DS5 would be pretty cut up about it.

FYI to a PP, my kid is pretty resilient. Broke his collarbone at 3 years old, didn’t cry once and was back running and climbing the next day, one handed and gingerly. He’d still be cold, scared, disappointed and disillusioned if his father left him waiting like that.