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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I had a phonecall this afternoon...

197 replies

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 10/07/2021 18:34

DH had taken DS to swim lessons. This is the second time he has taken him, I've taken him once myself.

So it is a 30 minute lesson and parents are told to sit in cars in car park to wait because of covid.

DS swim lesson finished at 3.10pm and I had a phonecall at 3.30pm asking who was picking him up!!

It then transpires DH had dropped off DS and gone to run "errands".

I was livid and mortified. Swim school gave me a bollocking because there was no one responsible for DS in event of an emergency.

Not even mentioning DS was scared and freezing cold while he waited for a towel.

DH is swanning around like it is no big deal while I plot our divorce.

On a scale of useless arsehole what would you score him?

I've given him 10/10

OP posts:
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/07/2021 20:06

In all the swimming lessons I've been to the children leave the pool and go directly to the changing rooms. They are not collected poolside by the parents.

Can you understand that not everything is the same as your experience? The OP said that the child didn't have a towel. How many 7 year olds could get themselves dressed after swimming without a towel even if they did have their clothes (and presumably he didnt, if the dad had the towel) especially when the child is expecting a parent to turn up and help them? How many 7 year olds have the initiative to know what to do in that situation? I wonder how many you've actually met in your life!

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 10/07/2021 20:06

Poor kid. Cold waiting by the side of the pool Sad only 7 years old

This is the part that would piss me off too. YANBU OP.

HyggeTygge · 10/07/2021 20:08

I remember a long-running thread on here when the useless DH had to pick up the kids from school once.
And went to the wrong school.

That was one of a long list of things and I hope that OP is much better off having left...

WallaceinAnderland · 10/07/2021 20:10

A) they are supposed to stay - in the car park so he didn't need to be there in person, they can call if there's an emergency

B) he was 20 minutes late and wasn't ready to pick him up at that time it seems - they should have called him, not OP

C) DH had the towel and presumably the clothes - where does OP say this?

D) the child is 7 why shouldn't his parent be there to dress him - parents aren't there to dress them when they go swimming with school. The children all dry and dress themselves.

E) what is wrong with you that you feel the need to excuse such monumentally crap parenting and would you do that if it was the mum who did this? - I think the parent made a mistake with the collection time. It's not monumental and it makes no difference whether it's mum or dad.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/07/2021 20:11

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

In all the swimming lessons I've been to the children leave the pool and go directly to the changing rooms. They are not collected poolside by the parents.

Can you understand that not everything is the same as your experience? The OP said that the child didn't have a towel. How many 7 year olds could get themselves dressed after swimming without a towel even if they did have their clothes (and presumably he didnt, if the dad had the towel) especially when the child is expecting a parent to turn up and help them? How many 7 year olds have the initiative to know what to do in that situation? I wonder how many you've actually met in your life!

I've taught a lot of swimming to a lot of children.
NerrSnerr · 10/07/2021 20:11

@WallaceinAnderland it says in the OP

Not even mentioning DS was scared and freezing cold while he waited for a towel.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/07/2021 20:19

[quote NerrSnerr]@WallaceinAnderland it says in the OP

Not even mentioning DS was scared and freezing cold while he waited for a towel. [/quote]
Yeah but it's not clear if DH had the towel or that the boy was just waiting for him to come and dry/dress him. If he had his clothes, even more reason the staff should have called him straight away and told him he would have to pay for a towel which they had provided his child whilst he waited.

Bunnyfuller · 10/07/2021 20:19

Errands?

SpeciminA · 10/07/2021 20:23

Are you serious? Anything to do with kids is mums responsibility? Is that Right?

@Theunamedcat I think she means as in Mums are always the default parent. Everything falls to mum to organise automatically, not that it should be that way but for some reason It happens a lot sadly.

igelkott2021 · 10/07/2021 20:24

@TwilightSkies

Could he have early onset Alzheimer’s?

Only on Mumsnet 😂😂😂

I rolled my eyes at this! For goodness sake, he made a mistake, he's an idiot, not ill.
YanTanTethera123 · 10/07/2021 20:25

@TwilightSkies

Could he have early onset Alzheimer’s?

Only on Mumsnet 😂😂😂

That’s it, give the useless twerp a completely inappropriate excuse to be utterly inept and thoughtless 😡
Funnylittlefloozie · 10/07/2021 20:25

The handmaidens here are truly pathetic. Aww poor widdle man, can't be expected to remember difficult things like bringing a towel to his own kid after swimming. It must be soo hard for poor menz like this.

Fountaining · 10/07/2021 20:29

@WallaceinAnderland

I'm not getting why is was so bad to run errands. They should have called him not you as soon as they realised he wasn't there. Other than that, I can't see the problem. Why couldn't the child dry and dress himself?
Presumably they only had the OP’s number as the contact, as she had booked and usually attends lessons.

Having said that, I had to be extremely explicit withDS’s old school which, despite having a note on his file saying to contact DH first in case of emergency (because he was WFH two minutes’ walk from school, whereas I was working twenty miles away in another city), but kept calling me instead (during a period when DS was accident-prone). They seemed unable to get their heads the ‘mum is the REAL primary contact, regardless of what it says on the file’ thing.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/07/2021 20:35

If he was genuinely remorseful afterwards, I would agree that it’s a one off mistake and let it go. That doesn’t sound like the case though. What a cock!

My DH got the wrong time for school pick up on Friday. He went at the usual time and DD had an after school club. No harm done at all other than him using his lunch break needlessly. He would never disappear during her swimming lesson to run errands. Our pool also has a rule of no one leaving the leisure centre in case of emergency (there’s a café upstairs to sit and watch) and the children are kept poolside until a parent collects them. Because of covid, they get ready for swimming in one changing room and dried and dressed after in a different one so parents need to keep hold of their towel and clothes during the lesson. My DD (also 7) literally could not dry and dress herself if no one picked her up as she would have nothing to do that with. She would definitely be incredibly upset if she thought we’d forgotten her.

RamItBunty · 10/07/2021 20:40

20min is a long time to be on your own,scared and cold as a 7yo.
DH is really slack dad no wonder you’re annoyed

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/07/2021 20:41

Having said that, I had to be extremely explicit withDS’s old school which, despite having a note on his file saying to contact DH first in case of emergency (because he was WFH two minutes’ walk from school, whereas I was working twenty miles away in another city), but kept calling me instead (during a period when DS was accident-prone). They seemed unable to get their heads the ‘mum is the REAL primary contact, regardless of what it says on the file’ thing.

My DD’s school have my Mum’s number as their ICE contact number as she doesn’t work and can answer the phone at any time and go and get her. DH is next after that because he can usually answer during working hours. I am a teacher and can absolutely not answer my phone at any time so am the last to be contacted. In real emergencies, either my mum or DH could get hold of me via my school office.

I’ve been on maternity leave since September and her school have contacted me first on multiple occasions. We didn’t change the original preferences with them so I’m not sure why they have started doing it. It really is call mum as a default.

ihtwsf · 10/07/2021 20:43

He's a useless twat.
I don't get the bit about the towel though. Are the parents supposed to come back and help the children get changed again? Is that why the child had no towel?
Why weren't the towel and the clothes left in the changing rooms during the lesson?

Maray1967 · 10/07/2021 20:45

My DC have had swimming lessons at two pools in Liverpool. There must be an parent there throughout the lesson. Presumably with COVID they wait somewhere else and go in at the end to collect. Pre COVID we collected from the poolside.
Where are the kids having lessons in these posts that say they should sort themselves out at 7?
I would have gone ballistic if my DH had done this.

Fountaining · 10/07/2021 20:46

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

Having said that, I had to be extremely explicit withDS’s old school which, despite having a note on his file saying to contact DH first in case of emergency (because he was WFH two minutes’ walk from school, whereas I was working twenty miles away in another city), but kept calling me instead (during a period when DS was accident-prone). They seemed unable to get their heads the ‘mum is the REAL primary contact, regardless of what it says on the file’ thing.

My DD’s school have my Mum’s number as their ICE contact number as she doesn’t work and can answer the phone at any time and go and get her. DH is next after that because he can usually answer during working hours. I am a teacher and can absolutely not answer my phone at any time so am the last to be contacted. In real emergencies, either my mum or DH could get hold of me via my school office.

I’ve been on maternity leave since September and her school have contacted me first on multiple occasions. We didn’t change the original preferences with them so I’m not sure why they have started doing it. It really is call mum as a default.

Absolutely. I was an academic, and I couldn’t take a phone call in the middle of a lecture to 100 final year undergraduates, especially when DH was at liberty, at home, and just down the road from the school.
SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 20:47

@myfuckingfreezer

What am I missing that makes it awful to run errands during a swim lesson?
Because I'm the event of an emergency the 7 yo had no one there. Sounds like parents are meant to wait
Roselilly36 · 10/07/2021 20:49

I would be livid too OP YANBU.

Earlydancing · 10/07/2021 20:49

Would I leave my husband because he got the pickup time of my son wrong? No.

Would I leave my husband because I was unhappy being married to him? Yes.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 20:50

@Bunnyfuller

Errands?
I'd be asking what her name was
whichwayisup · 10/07/2021 20:50

Oh ffs, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. He's 7 not 18 months. At 7, I was walking to the swimming pool, with my older siblings... Maybe 50min walk.. Swimming all afternoon hiding from the pool guard who in those days tried to chuck you out depending on the colour of your wrist band... Then walking home again. He had to wait with other adults until his dad turned up. If ever I've heard an overblown middle class protected children fake issue this is it.

Sandra15 · 10/07/2021 20:52

My grandad took my aunt in her pram to the pit to collect his wages at the end of the week. He went home with the money but forgot the baby.

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