I had a phonecall this afternoon...

[Itwasgoodwhileitlasted]

DH had taken DS to swim lessons. This is the second time he has taken him, I've taken him once myself.

So it is a 30 minute lesson and parents are told to sit in cars in car park to wait because of covid.

DS swim lesson finished at 3.10pm and I had a phonecall at 3.30pm asking who was picking him up!!

It then transpires DH had dropped off DS and gone to run "errands".

I was livid and mortified. Swim school gave me a bollocking because there was no one responsible for DS in event of an emergency.

Not even mentioning DS was scared and freezing cold while he waited for a towel.

DH is swanning around like it is no big deal while I plot our divorce.

On a scale of useless arsehole what would you score him?

I've given him 10/10

@whichwayisup

Oh ffs, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. He's 7 not 18 months. At 7, I was walking to the swimming pool, with my older siblings... Maybe 50min walk.. Swimming all afternoon hiding from the pool guard who in those days tried to chuck you out depending on the colour of your wrist band... Then walking home again. He had to wait with other adults until his dad turned up. If ever I've heard an overblown middle class protected children fake issue this is it.

In the 1930s this was common but since the 1970s children under 8 need to be supervised by an adult

@whichwayisup

Oh ffs, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. He's 7 not 18 months. At 7, I was walking to the swimming pool, with my older siblings... Maybe 50min walk.. Swimming all afternoon hiding from the pool guard who in those days tried to chuck you out depending on the colour of your wrist band... Then walking home again. He had to wait with other adults until his dad turned up. If ever I've heard an overblown middle class protected children fake issue this is it.

My guess is that you didn’t have to walk home in a wet swimming costume having thought your dad was picking you up.

Also, the staff wouldn’t have let him leave by himself. I’m incredibly pleased this is the case and am fine with you thinking I’m precious not wanting my DD’s walking around by themselves at 7yo.

@whichwayisup

Oh ffs, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. He's 7 not 18 months. At 7, I was walking to the swimming pool, with my older siblings... Maybe 50min walk.. Swimming all afternoon hiding from the pool guard who in those days tried to chuck you out depending on the colour of your wrist band... Then walking home again. He had to wait with other adults until his dad turned up. If ever I've heard an overblown middle class protected children fake issue this is it.

wow...

how's the Care Home treating it's oldest resident 🙄

*DDs

I think walking to swimming with your older siblings is not the same as a 7yr old left behind after swimming with no one coming to collect them.
A 7yr old doesn't have a phone. They have to sit in the changing room or stand against a wall waiting for the parent to come. That child has no notion of when a parent will show up.
OP you have to say to your DH that your son now has a notion in his head that his Dad is unreliable.
Impress on your DH that it's his relationship with his son that is at stake here. If someone did a survey with your son and asked 'Does your Dad show up when he says he'll show up?' . That answer today was 'No. My Dad did not show up. I was worried because I didn't know what to do or where my clothes were'.
You being annoyed with him is not the real issue.

@whichwayisup

Oh ffs, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. He's 7 not 18 months. At 7, I was walking to the swimming pool, with my older siblings... Maybe 50min walk.. Swimming all afternoon hiding from the pool guard who in those days tried to chuck you out depending on the colour of your wrist band... Then walking home again. He had to wait with other adults until his dad turned up. If ever I've heard an overblown middle class protected children fake issue this is it.

That's sorted then. Next week he 7 year old takes himself swimming and home again without any parental involvement.

Nah, I can’t believe people are downplaying leaving a 7 year old alone at a swimming centre. What errands were so important to do that?

My sounds like DD dad honestly. He took her to her first swimming lesson, set off with plenty of time to arrive but obviously had to call into a coffee shop to see his mates first, left it until last minute to drive from there and couldn’t find a parking space so made her 15 minutes late to her lesson. There’s a reason why he’s now my ex.

I'm not saying there doesnt need to be parental involvement but this is a ridiculous over reaction

Where are the kids having lessons in these posts that say they should sort themselves out at 7?

At school. It's part of the curriculum. The teaching staff do not dry and dress the children, they do it themselves.

@whichwayisup

Oh ffs, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. He's 7 not 18 months. At 7, I was walking to the swimming pool, with my older siblings... Maybe 50min walk.. Swimming all afternoon hiding from the pool guard who in those days tried to chuck you out depending on the colour of your wrist band... Then walking home again. He had to wait with other adults until his dad turned up. If ever I've heard an overblown middle class protected children fake issue this is it.

There you go OP, give @whichwayisup the pools number and she can give them a call and explain why they shouldn’t have had a problem with this…

@WallaceinAnderland in the school swimming lessons isn't there usually a teacher in the changing rooms supervising?

Do we really think that at age 7 they can't cope with being picked up 20 minutes late. Jeez, if your 7 year old can't cope with a 20 minute later pick up then maybe resilience is something he needs to learn.

So, are you actually so worried about the 7 year old waiting 20 minutes or is it really another stick to wack your shitty husband with. Maybe he needs wacked with the shitty stick but let's be clear why we are wacking him and it's not because of damage he has done to a 7 year old by daring not to pick him up on time.

[quote Itwasgoodwhileitlasted]@TopBlogger thanks love [/quote]
Eh? What does that mean?

@whichwayisup

Do we really think that at age 7 they can't cope with being picked up 20 minutes late. Jeez, if your 7 year old can't cope with a 20 minute later pick up then maybe resilience is something he needs to learn.

So, are you actually so worried about the 7 year old waiting 20 minutes or is it really another stick to wack your shitty husband with. Maybe he needs wacked with the shitty stick but let's be clear why we are wacking him and it's not because of damage he has done to a 7 year old by daring not to pick him up on time.

Christ alive! Children have no concept of how long 20 minutes is. It’s also not like he knew his dad would only be 20 minutes later than he thought. For all he knew, he’d be stood there all evening. He was also wet and cold, ffs!!

@whichwayisup are you missing the bit about the fact the 7 year old was left for 20 minutes with no towel or clothes?

[quote NerrSnerr]@WallaceinAnderland in the school swimming lessons isn't there usually a teacher in the changing rooms supervising?
[/quote]
Yep. Having taken many children to school swimming lessons, they all dry and dress themselves (their towels and clothes are there which is crucial to the process) but they are not left without adult supervision. I don’t pop off to the shop to buy some bits whilst they swim and then swan in 20 minutes after their lesson is finished.

I actually can't believe that grown women actually think that this would be harmful. I'm shocked.

@whichwayisup go for a swim and then sit on the side of the pool for a while.
Don't dry yourself or have any clothes to hand.

And we'll not bother telling you how long you have to wait - someone will just turn up eventually with your towel and some clothes.

Then tell us it's perfectly fine to expect a child to do it.

[quote NerrSnerr]@WallaceinAnderland in the school swimming lessons isn't there usually a teacher in the changing rooms supervising?
[/quote]
There will be staff in the changing area but the children will all be in their own cubicles drying and dressing themselves.

Why do you marry these dopey men? What is appealing about a grown man who can't look after himself or simple life responsibilities.

@WallaceinAnderland for non school swimming lessons the changing rooms are often used for the public, for public swimming, gym classes etc. Do you really think it's ok for a swimming teacher to send a child into the changing rooms alone without supervision?

Public lessons are very different to school lessons.

@whichwayisup Many old school parents would forego lessons and throw children in the water and they "taught themselves" thru sheer terror as well but universally 99.9% of humanity has evolved past that point!

All the comments about what happened when you were a child are kind of irrelevant.
What happens at my daughter’s swimming lesson now is different to what was happening 18 months ago. We now have to take them in their costumes ready to swim. No changing room access before the lesson. Parents keep hold of all stuff - there is no where to put it during the lesson. Changing rooms can only be accessed after the lesson.
At our lessons, he couldn’t have just got himself changed.
I also was involved in school lessons at the pool. I was in the water to support a non-swimmer. It was freezing cold. Sitting on the side, it’s boiling, but when you are wet you get colder and colder and colder.

Poor kid.

[quote NerrSnerr]@WallaceinAnderland for non school swimming lessons the changing rooms are often used for the public, for public swimming, gym classes etc. Do you really think it's ok for a swimming teacher to send a child into the changing rooms alone without supervision?

Public lessons are very different to school lessons. [/quote]
The pool staff should have checked whether the child's towel and clothes were on the premises. If they were they should have sent him into a locker to change whilst they called the Dad and told him to get back immediately. If they weren't they should have given him a towel whilst he waited and called the Dad to get back immediately. That's it. No drama.

Because that's what I'm saying... It's sink or swim young Ralph, it's a hard lesson but it'll be worth it, in terms of evolution. He didn't leave young Ralph gasping for breath at the side of the pool with no one able to give him mouth to mouth until the father arrived. Young Ralph had to sit at the side of the pool for 20 minutes waiting for a parent to pick him up. Ralph has never been left anywhere before but he has been brought up secure in the knowledge that someone will pick him up because he's loved and cared for. The worst that happens to little Ralph's psyche in this particular example is that he learns that there really is no need to freak out unnecessarily because, yes, mum or dad might sometimes be late for a variety of reasons nearly all of which will not be catastrophic. He may learn a little patience and he'll feel a little more secure.