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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I had a phonecall this afternoon...

197 replies

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 10/07/2021 18:34

DH had taken DS to swim lessons. This is the second time he has taken him, I've taken him once myself.

So it is a 30 minute lesson and parents are told to sit in cars in car park to wait because of covid.

DS swim lesson finished at 3.10pm and I had a phonecall at 3.30pm asking who was picking him up!!

It then transpires DH had dropped off DS and gone to run "errands".

I was livid and mortified. Swim school gave me a bollocking because there was no one responsible for DS in event of an emergency.

Not even mentioning DS was scared and freezing cold while he waited for a towel.

DH is swanning around like it is no big deal while I plot our divorce.

On a scale of useless arsehole what would you score him?

I've given him 10/10

OP posts:
Doghead · 10/07/2021 19:21

If its the first time then I think you're massively overreacting

Elieza · 10/07/2021 19:23

Sounds like hes either insufficiently interested in family life and has checked out, or he’s working so hard he’s losing the plot. Does he have any health issues? Is he drinking? Could he have early onset Alzheimer’s?

If there is no medical reason perhaps you need to sit him down and tell him things cannot continue like this. He’s giving you extra housework (eg rewashing towels) and endangering your child (re swimming). And what’s the deal with him as this is not like him.

If he can’t or doesn’t want to screw the nut it may be time to consider your options.

NerrSnerr · 10/07/2021 19:24

I would be livid about this too. Why did he even need an end time in his phone? He should have known it was half an hour and if he wasn't sure he could have asked the teacher.

MerryDecembermas · 10/07/2021 19:25

OP is not overreacting, because any decent parent would be mortified! Instead he's not showing any remorse or awareness of what he has done to his own child.

That's the kicker here, that's the headline. He left his child cold and afraid and doesn't have any remorse. He should be on his knees to child and OP

TwilightSkies · 10/07/2021 19:31

Could he have early onset Alzheimer’s?

Only on Mumsnet 😂😂😂

xprincessxjanetx · 10/07/2021 19:32

What an idiot and he knows it. That's why he's swanning around acting normal hoping you'll leave it.

Elieza · 10/07/2021 19:33

Ya gotta cover all bases Grin

Abouttoblow · 10/07/2021 19:34

Could he have early onset Alzheimer’s?

FFS!

myfuckingfreezer · 10/07/2021 19:36

What am I missing that makes it awful to run errands during a swim lesson?

miltonj · 10/07/2021 19:38

@myfuckingfreezer

What am I missing that makes it awful to run errands during a swim lesson?
Maybe the fact that he forgot to come back for his kid??? And was over 20 mins late.
NerrSnerr · 10/07/2021 19:39

@myfuckingfreezer he didn't pick his child up at the end of the session so they had to call OP to ask where they were. It may also be in the t&c that a parent stays in case there's an issue (you can't leave the premises at my daughter's swim school).

simbobs · 10/07/2021 19:41

This is not an atypical scenario, though, is it? Anything to do with the kids is Mum's responsibility. My DH was asked to take DD to school once, probably just the once, as DS was unwell. He had been told that he should stay in the playground with her until they went in, but didn't listen. He just dropped her at the gate and drove away. She was really upset but he could not understand the problem. Mine saw himself as responsible for earning the money but not much else concerning the household. He was always totally focused on his work.

myfuckingfreezer · 10/07/2021 19:43

Maybe the fact that he forgot to come back for his kid??? And was over 20 mins late.

Yeah I got that bit @miltonj but some posters were saying how awful it was he'd left, and I didn't understand why. We drop and go but clearly not the case for all I'm understanding.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/07/2021 19:50

I'm not getting why is was so bad to run errands. They should have called him not you as soon as they realised he wasn't there. Other than that, I can't see the problem. Why couldn't the child dry and dress himself?

BrilliantBetty · 10/07/2021 19:51

Poor kid. Cold waiting by the side of the pool Sad only 7 years old.

That's really shitty parenting. He's been before so he has no excuse not to know when to pick up. Or he should have asked if unclear.

Is he quite a self absorbed person?

ivykaty44 · 10/07/2021 19:54

your poor dc

NerrSnerr · 10/07/2021 19:54

@WallaceinAnderland he would have needed to be picked up from the lesson not sent into the changing room alone (he could have just walked out of the changing room and the leisure centre by himself if his dad still wasn't there) and if he didn't have his towel I assume his dad has his clothes.

TopBlogger · 10/07/2021 19:58

Are you serious with the final straw OP? I cant quite get if you are or not!! Am never sure when people have a legitimate fume, list their husband's faults, yet call him "D"H.
YANBU for being annoyed - what errands did he run? Sounds like a thing people said in the 1950s. I expect the errands involved sitting on his phone in the car

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/07/2021 20:00

@Doghead

If its the first time then I think you're massively overreacting
It's clearly not though
Theunamedcat · 10/07/2021 20:00

@simbobs

This is not an atypical scenario, though, is it? Anything to do with the kids is Mum's responsibility. My DH was asked to take DD to school once, probably just the once, as DS was unwell. He had been told that he should stay in the playground with her until they went in, but didn't listen. He just dropped her at the gate and drove away. She was really upset but he could not understand the problem. Mine saw himself as responsible for earning the money but not much else concerning the household. He was always totally focused on his work.
Are you serious? Anything to do with kids is mums responsibility? Is that Right?
WallaceinAnderland · 10/07/2021 20:01

[quote NerrSnerr]@WallaceinAnderland he would have needed to be picked up from the lesson not sent into the changing room alone (he could have just walked out of the changing room and the leisure centre by himself if his dad still wasn't there) and if he didn't have his towel I assume his dad has his clothes. [/quote]
In all the swimming lessons I've been to the children leave the pool and go directly to the changing rooms. They are not collected poolside by the parents.

The only thing the dad did wrong was get the time wrong. It happens. It won't happen again. The staff should have called him and got him to come straight back, not called OP.

I don't think it's that big a deal. Children are allowed to swim unaccompanied from age 8 aren't they. They get themselves in and out of the pool and dressed without any parent even there.

Original poster
Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 10/07/2021 20:01

@TopBlogger thanks love Biscuit

OP posts:
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/07/2021 20:02

@WallaceinAnderland

I'm not getting why is was so bad to run errands. They should have called him not you as soon as they realised he wasn't there. Other than that, I can't see the problem. Why couldn't the child dry and dress himself?
A) they are supposed to stay B) he was 20 minutes late and wasn't ready to pick him up at that time it seems C) DH had the towel and presumably the clothes D) the child is 7 why shouldn't his parent be there to dress him E) what is wrong with you that you feel the need to excuse such monumentally crap parenting and would you do that if it was the mum who did this?
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/07/2021 20:03

@myfuckingfreezer

What am I missing that makes it awful to run errands during a swim lesson?
The fact that they were asked not to, and that he was very late to get back?
Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2021 20:04

I take it this isn't the first time your husband has been a useless fuckwit.