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Original poster

How to react to this? Am I being a drama Queen?

329 replies

Jueeer · 09/07/2021 21:15

6 months in and pretty much every time we have arranged to meet, it’s been me trying to discuss it. Once discussed, he will usually follow up to confirm the day before or say he’s looking forward to it etc. I’ve told him repeatedly that I would like the next time we meet to be arranged before we say goodbye, so we both know when the next date it. He did engage for a bit and now it’s dropped off again.

So here we are, Friday night. Saw him Tuesday morning, said I wanted to see him this weekend... he said yes, that was end of discussion. We’ve had some texts since and he contacted me today, but no mention of the weekend or meeting up. This is a man who has told me he loves me?!

I know I could ask and sort out the arrangement but ffs, why is it always me having to instigate? Am I being a drama Queen? What would you do?

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 09/07/2021 21:36

Tell him that you need, in a relationship, to feel that your partner is pulling equal weight with regard to meeting up, and that you feel you've been doing more of the legwork, so, it's over to him.

Then don't do any arranging and wait for him. He'll show you whether he respects your feelings or not by whether he steps up. If he doesn't, leave him. It's not like you're asking him to do something hard.

TheFoundations · 09/07/2021 21:37

And who cares if you're a drama queen? Your partner needs to respect whatever level of drama queen you are, not expect you to change yourself to fit his preferences.

WillowGrand · 09/07/2021 21:38

Just don’t arrange anything and see what happens? If he doesn’t then dump.

Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 21:42

I just feel really gutted about it. I’ve not said anything tonight and he’s been online a lot this evening and no mention of it.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/07/2021 21:43

I would probably just stop making the arrangements and see what happens. Doesn't sound like he's that bothered about seeing you though, so actually I would probably just tell him to fuck off.

litterbird · 09/07/2021 21:44

I personally would do nothing at all. You said to him on Tuesday that you wanted to see him at the weekend, he said yes. You didn’t arrange anything there and then so just do nothing. I would arrange to see friends at the weekend and if he comes back offering a date then he will then have to fit around your arrangements. Can I ask if you have become too available to him and fit your life around him, making arrangements/dates, leaving him no space to arrange stuff in his own time?

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/07/2021 21:47

After six months and I love yous, this is passive behaviour to the point of indifference.

Sorry OP. I agree with previous posters - leave it to him now.

Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 21:47

I feel so stupid. When I left his on Tuesday (he leaves me a key), I had cooked him a couple of meals to freeze as he had a busy week. I thought we were close and happy. I’m not a clingy person and have a busy job - only just got home in the last ten minutes! Earn good money and have my own social life. I feel so hurt by this things, it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks.

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Santanomore · 09/07/2021 21:47

Just wait to see if he arranges anything surely? That tells you all you need to know. At six months in though, do you not see each other a bit more frequently than just the weekends?

seensome · 09/07/2021 21:49

Tomorrow morning say good morning what time are we meeting today? assume that you still are, if he lets you down then he's going back on his word and doesn't deserve another chance. It he a bit indecisive or lazy about how you spend your time together? I think this is the way he's always going to be...

Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 21:51

@Santanomore I don’t know. I’m actually just sat here in tears. I’m a barrister and have spent the day in court arguing and being professional...yet here I am, a pathetic mess over some man. I am embarrassed. I feel taken for granted. I’m so surprised I have had this reaction to it. I feel really sad. I’m 35 too so feel worse because of that. It feels like this is the end of this relationship. I just text saying did you want to talk about the weekend. I think I will have to tell him how shit this has made me feel.

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Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 21:54

I can’t believe how sad I feel about this

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Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 21:54

Not sure I can take yet another heartache

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litterbird · 09/07/2021 21:56

I am so sorry, I can see this is really upsetting you. I hope he appreciates you batch cooking and freezing food for him, he is a very lucky man. I suspect your age maybe adding to your angst too. No relationship this early on should be leaving you in this state. He clearly isn’t stepping up to the amazing woman you are. Let’s see what he responds with after your text x

AdaThorne · 09/07/2021 21:57

@Jueeer

I can’t believe how sad I feel about this
It’s totally understandable to feel sad, especially if you’ve had a tough day. Hopefully he’ll ask what the plans are and you’ll get to see him this weekend. But at some point you definitely need to tell him how you feel. It’s shit feeling like this and you deserve better. Flowers
MrsMaizel · 09/07/2021 21:59

The way I told my now H was that when he acted like this in the early days he made me feel like Plan B and that it wasn't something I liked. After a couple of times of calling and asking me to go out and I was elsewhere then he began to realise he had to make concrete plans. Admittedly that wasn't 6 months in - it was more in the first couple of months .

Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 22:00

Ive just text saying do you want to talk about the weekend.

He’s online and not even read it. I just dont understand him. Wish I could just meet the right one for me.

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dancemom · 09/07/2021 22:01

Why would you text that when you have already said you don't want to be the one arranging everything?

Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 22:02

@dancemom I don’t know. I feel like shit so I just text. I don’t know why I did he’s not even read it and been online the last twenty mins.

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Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 22:04

Well he’s read it and gone offline. The first few dates he was very formal and strange with me, but was eager to arrange meeting again in his detached way. But we got closer and I thought we were really happy. I’m so surprised by this. It is unlike him to be rude and not even respond to a message. I feel so shit.

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MrsMaizel · 09/07/2021 22:05

I would suggest that for tonight you switch your phone OFF and stop looking . Find yourself some crap to watch on TV and have a glass of vino . Think about this again in the morning .

doitwithlove · 09/07/2021 22:06

Personally I would draw a line under this chapter, block and start again.

AnaViaSalamanca · 09/07/2021 22:07

Whoa why are you making yourself so inferior to this guy? Cooking meals and freezing for him six months in? You are non his mum you know.

Is he much younger than you?

Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 22:07

He’s just replied that he would like to chat.

No mention of the weekend and expect him to be weird about it on the phone after this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jueeer · 09/07/2021 22:07

@AnaViaSalamanca he’s about 9 years older.

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