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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Why *(content warning: concerns domestic abuse)

292 replies

mcdreamymcsteamy · 09/07/2021 19:09

I'm shaking writing this but I don't have anybody to talk to in real life. I have no family and I'm too ashamed to tell my friends. I have no where to go.

But I need to tell somebody.

Yesterday whilst holding my 12 week old baby he slapped me across the face. Then when I swore at him he put his hands around my neck and choked me until I sat down on the sofa.

Today he was holding the baby and I was sat in the comer of the sofa, he'd made a comment that I am insecure that's why I always wear black underwear?! I said he is a sick fuck for hitting me with a baby in my arms, he put the baby in the Moses basket and said I'll show hits then bang there was 3/4 hits across my head and a chunk of my hair on the floor! I tried to kick him then more fighting but it's a blur but somewhere in there he shouted at me that I'm fat as fuck and made nasty comments about my stretch marks and my arms.

What the actual fuck.

He is not here right now and im sitting plucking up the courage to ring the police.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 09/07/2021 22:39

The more time you sit thinking about it the more likely you'll end up talking yourself out of calling them. A man who will beat you as you're holding a newborn will almost definitely go on to be violent to your child at some point. You need to act, now

I completely agree.

ElizaLynn · 09/07/2021 22:45

What a horrific ordeal! Take care, phone the police asap.

Hopefully he is taken in to be questioned tonight and this gives you time to get the locks changed tomorrow morning first thing. Ask the police if part of his bail can include staying a certain distance from your address.

Take care, there is light at the end of this tunnel!

Martyitsyourkids · 09/07/2021 22:52

You can do this. Call the police. Take pictures of your marks and bruising. Please don't take him back, this will only hey worse. Take all of the support the police will offer you too and from your friends and sister.

nocoolnamesleft · 09/07/2021 22:52

If you don't want to call the police to protect your own life, do it to protect your baby's life. Anyone that will hit a woman holding a small baby is capable of hitting the baby. And the force that bruises you can kill a baby. You, and your baby, deserve better than this. Please, call the police.

QueenBee52 · 09/07/2021 22:56

Jesus...

please call the Police OP.. Flowers

Elys3 · 09/07/2021 22:58

I am hoping that your sister has arrived and together you have called the police by now. Really feel for you, you and your baby deserve so much better. Sending Flowers

Undermyunbrella · 09/07/2021 23:34

Hope you and your baby are ok OP

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 10/07/2021 11:03

Hello OP. We can see that you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters but just wanted to add a link to our domestic violence support webguide as there are lots of organisations listed which can give you some real life help.

A really good starting point would be the Freedom Programme - we know it's helped many MNers over the years.

You deserve better than this - please take care of yourself. Flowers

Geanna2 · 10/07/2021 11:28

@KurtWilde

I'm shaking writing this but I don't have anybody to talk to in real life. I have no family and I'm too ashamed to tell my friends. I have no where to go

I'm a bit confused by this because OP has then gone on to say she has a sister who's on her way over.

I'm assuming she meant she was worried to tell family rather than not having any family at all? If so I'm glad to hear she's opened up about this and hopefully is talking to police now.

I'm confused too. From having no family to having a sister. It's a bit difficult to forget you have a sister?
JSL52 · 10/07/2021 13:15

Are you ok ?

BosseFave · 10/07/2021 13:41

How are you op?

Original poster
mcdreamymcsteamy · 10/07/2021 22:43

I didn't forget I had a sister I meant to write no family that I can rely on but was in so much shock. He arrived back here before my sister. I've been attacked again today. I'm trying to keep the peace until he's out Monday

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 10/07/2021 22:45

OP why didn't you call the police like everyone suggested?

QueenBee52 · 10/07/2021 22:49

@mcdreamymcsteamy

I didn't forget I had a sister I meant to write no family that I can rely on but was in so much shock. He arrived back here before my sister. I've been attacked again today. I'm trying to keep the peace until he's out Monday

did you call the Police ??

Original poster
mcdreamymcsteamy · 10/07/2021 22:49

I thought I had time he arrived home four hours earlier than he should have, I'm scared to ring when he's here because I genuinely fear he's snap and kill me before they arrived

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 10/07/2021 22:50

Can your Sister call for you 🌸

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2021 22:53

Can you call 999 from a landline? Even if you can't talk to them but you can be heard.

Is there a way to leave and call? Or lock yourself in a bathroom and call?

KurtWilde · 10/07/2021 22:53

OP you could've called in the time it took you to write your thread on here. I know you're frightened, but it needs doing before something worse happens. Can someone else call for you?

jelly79 · 10/07/2021 22:54

Did your sister not arrive? can she contact the police for you! Or go for a walk with your sister (and baby) and call them.

rainbowlou · 10/07/2021 22:57

He doesn’t need to know you’ve called them, can you go into the bathroom and do it?
He sounds just like my ex, he also punched me in the face when I was holding my newborn, he escalated to putting his hands tightly around my neck regularly, things got so much worse until he eventually held me by the throat over the stairs when I had my toddler in my arms.
My biggest regret to this day is that I never had the courage to call the police and he was never punished for his actions.
Please keep safe and get him out of your life asap

BlueCupOrangeCup · 10/07/2021 23:01

The police, domestic violence organizations etc see this all the time OP. They know exactly what to do.

Please ask them for help, they know how to help you xxx

me4real · 10/07/2021 23:31

Do you think you could take your LO and go to a neighbour's OP? Or call the police from the bathroom so he doesn't know you've done it till he arrives.

You can call 999 and then press 55 so you don't have to speak, but cough or something or keep tapping the phone or anything www.policeconduct.gov.uk/news/if-youre-risk-domestic-abuse-remember-silent-solution

Florist1970 · 10/07/2021 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

nimbuscloud · 10/07/2021 23:36

Does your sister know what’s happening?

Houseofvelour · 10/07/2021 23:37

@Florist1970 what a horrible thing to say. For the sake of this person's mental well-being, might I suggest that you kindly fuck off?

Could you run to a neighbour's house with the baby and ring the police from there?
You need to do everything you can to protect yourself and your baby right now.