What’s for dinner sweetheart?

[Dehydratedcaterpillar]

Argh.
Every. Single. Night.

I work until about 4ish and then I go and pick up the dc. I’m usually back by about 4.45 and then DH appears at 5pm, sets in for the evening on the sofa and says ‘what’s for dinner sweetheart?’
God. His job pays nearly ten times more than mine but I’m not convinced mine is any less stressful if I’m honest. However I also do all the running around in the morning, so by the time I start work at 9am I’ve been going for three hours already. DH - out of bed at 8.15am.
It’s the ‘what’s for dinner sweetheart?’ that may tip me over the edge though.

"What would you like to make?"

I think that would settle matters!

Say i don't know sweetheart, what are you cooking?!

Use words. Tell him that seeing as you both get in at roughly the same time you’re going to be splitting who plans and cooks dinner from now on. He can take MWF, you TT. Do whatever on the weekends.

Answer 'Fuck all Darling' and put your feet up!

So what does he say when you discuss all of this with him?

Ahh I’ve tried using words. The solution was he pays for take away one evening a week now.

That isn’t really much of a solution. Because he doesn’t do anything else either.

I would not be standing for this!!

Yeah, that phrase makes me want to punch someone ( note- not actually, figuratively).
Two words...
Dinner Rota

There are loads of options that aren't that difficult to manage.

You are just a replacement for his mum. He probably said to his mum "what's for dinner?". You can easily stop this by saying that you will cook Monday to Thursday and he cooks Friday to Sunday or the other way round. Its an easy fix. However, might have been easier to address this right from the beginning.

Whatever you're making ... Would be my reply!

Earning more money doesn't mean less energy or less ability to make dinner.
My DH earns tons more than I do, but I'm the one who go goes out and does a very physical job..
I just get paid less to do it. Money isn't anything to do with who makes dinner.

One evening a week isn't enough. You get home at similar times and you're already doing more, so take turns. He cooks one night, you the next. You'll need to stick to your guns though and just make yourself a sandwich (and the kids) if he tries to refuse.

Actually, if he refuses, then no more cooking full stop till he's taken his turn. There may be a lot of takeaways ordered. Stick it out.

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

Ahh I’ve tried using words. The solution was he pays for take away one evening a week now.

That isn’t really much of a solution. Because he doesn’t do anything else either.

Then you need to use more words.

You are supposed to be a partnership, raising your family together.

Try sitting down with a pen and a pad and sorting out a fairer division of labour.

I just say I don’t know what are you making? My husband is the main earner by a lot and he does loads in the house. He’s currently cleaning while I’m sitting on the couch (ive been with the kids all day!) we also alternate getting up with the kids each morning so we’re both not always exhausted. Just because he’s a high earner it doesn’t mean that’s all he has to contribute to family life.

No, I fear he thinks it does though!
I’ve never had a lie in 😂😂
Weekend I do both days. Holidays I do all the days.

Op that’s so unfair! You’re both parents. You can pour from an empty cup. You’ll burn out if he doesn’t step up and pull his weight.

You can’t pour*

Tell him you’re divorcing him and he’ll be having the kids 50% of the time 🤣🤣🤣

Why the laughing crying emoji. Ffs it isn't funny. Tell him he is being an embarrassment and from now on you are sharing the cooking in an every other night basis.

Well if you choose to get up, get dc ready while he stays in bed, do everything around the house and consistently do the cooking, why be surprised that he just expects it from you? You need to change things as he certainly won't. So you need to stop doing it all. Stop doing his washing for instance. When he needs a clean shirt tell him he needs to put a wash on for himself and tell him he can iron the bloody thing himself. If he's looking for dinner tell him to sort something. Yourself and the kids can survive on a bowl of cereal for a couple of evenings while he suddenly realises you won't be treated like his slave anymore.

How do women get into these situations? Did you always cook before you had kids? He can cook, presumably?

Perhaps a boxed recipe thing like hello fresh.
Might be a middle road and easy to point him in that direction.

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

No, I fear he thinks it does though! I’ve never had a lie in 😂😂 Weekend I do both days. Holidays I do all the days.

Why?

Depressingly, there are so many of these men who simply refuse to do any childcare or household chores . My God daughter is married to one . She has tried talking to him but he simply refuses to change . He has never put on a wash, ironed a shirt, cooked a meal , changed a nappy or got up with the DC . Weekends are for golf and the pub.
God daughter once threatened to leave but he made it very clear there would be no 50/50, he would just drop by a couple of times a week .
I don’t know what the answer is . I would leave but fully expect to be the sole parent 99% of the time.

Just say "I don't know?"

Tho as pp said...how do people end up in these situations? Surely you knew he was a lazy bugger long before you got married