What’s for dinner sweetheart?

[Dehydratedcaterpillar]

Argh.
Every. Single. Night.

I work until about 4ish and then I go and pick up the dc. I’m usually back by about 4.45 and then DH appears at 5pm, sets in for the evening on the sofa and says ‘what’s for dinner sweetheart?’
God. His job pays nearly ten times more than mine but I’m not convinced mine is any less stressful if I’m honest. However I also do all the running around in the morning, so by the time I start work at 9am I’ve been going for three hours already. DH - out of bed at 8.15am.
It’s the ‘what’s for dinner sweetheart?’ that may tip me over the edge though.

If you have a son, is this really the example you want to set for him? To be useless & pathetic?

And if you have a daughter, is that the example you want to set for her? To settle for a man who will view her as a servant?

OP it's hard to have sympathy when you put up with this voluntarily...

I suppose you're married now (only a few months you said?) so if I were you Id prob put up with it for a few years longer so that when you get divorced you have a better claim on his finances. Maybe grabby of me to say that, but meh.

If they've lived together for a long time prior to marriage, my understanding is that that length of time can be taken into account during a divorce. Worth getting legal advice.

No we’ve been married ages - but I got married after only a few months with him.

I will attempt to raise it again with him and see where it gets me. It does feel very unfair. The dc know who does everything too.

I couldn't live like that.

I've just had murder with my DH over housework. We are re doing the living room also so that hasn't t helped matters.
He just annoys me so much sometimes. I've literally just ripped the old fireplace off the wall bare handed and was about to start ripping the skirting boards off but I can't find the saw thing I need.

I think he has hidden it.

Why are you being such a doormat ?

The dc know who does everything too.

Are they girls? What do you want to teach them about relationships (even if sons)? That the woman does everything and the bloke is like a lazy-arsed king of the house?

Wow I’d love to be your DH!
I’d definitely sit him down and talk to him about it. If you are working the same amount of hours then you do be doing the same amount of house/child stuff. If you have to draw up a rota then do it!

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

No, I fear he thinks it does though! I’ve never had a lie in 😂😂 Weekend I do both days. Holidays I do all the days.

More fool you for not addressing this years ago. You are facilitating his laziness.

I wouldn't raise it with him. I'd feed the kids, and I'd feed myself, and when he asked, say 'I dunno. What are you cooking?'

How on earth do you put up with him. He doesn't sound very nice. Put a stop to it OP now! It doesn't matter he warns more money than you, you are a partnership!!

I’m not found the same amount of hours quite. I’m five hours fewer but I frequently end up working more hours than I’m contracted. However I feel that because I am up two hours before him every week day this counteracts his five extra hours. He sometimes does work until 6pm but most nights he’s finished on time.

Whatever you can find in the freezer sweetheart or thanks for offering to make dinner tonight sweetheart I really appreciate it

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

No, he’s considerably richer than me. My pension is basically non-existent.

We got married after only a few months 🙄🙄 It wasn’t the smartest move I’ve ever made! Now ok stuck!
Maybe going on strike is the answer.

No, you're not stuck. I'd be divorcing him. Sexist prick. Fuck 'strikes', he doesn't give a toss about you and thinks life work is women's work.

'What's for dinner, sweetheart?' 'Whatever you cook for yourself or buy for yourself. I'm not skivvying for you anymore.'

Get up early at the weekend and leave go away for the entire day. Turn your phone off.

See a solicitor. You may be entitled to a share of his pension.

I have a friend like you. I honestly don't know why she puts up with this shit.

If you've been married a long time, he's not considerably richer than you - you have a claim on all the marital assets, including his pension.

What is good about being married to guy who presumably then acts like his wages are his own, if you consider him richer than you when you're married, and treats you like a skivvy and maid?

Why can't you both have a discussion over the weekend and make a meal plan for the week? That way you both always know what's for tea, and who's cooking what.

You're not describing what I'd call a loving partnership and team, to me, you're describing a, well, to be frank, a servile relationship, where you are seen as being the maid of all help.

Matrimonial assets typically include things such as the family home, pensions and savings. It doesn’t really matter who put the money forward for these assets or who accumulated the wealth. When you’re married, the law in England and Wales considers that any assets you acquire during the marriage also belong to your husband or wife. So, for example, if you contribute towards a pension during your marriage, your spouse is entitled to a share of it.

Agree with everyone else Op, this isn't a loving relationship and if he actually respected you, he'd pull his weight and not leave it all to you. You'd be better off as a single mum as even if you have the kids 100% of the time, you wouldn't be looking after him and your mental load would be a lot less.

Speak to him & tell him what you expect from him and then stop doing things for him if he doesn't change (personally Id leave, but appreciate that's much easier said than done).

I don't get all the hatred for one partner cooking most of the time, over the other.

But maybe you cook and he does the washing up/loading, unloading dishwasher/food bin/rubbish bin/recycling. All that stuff.

Works for my wife and I. She is by far the better cook. So I do the after dinner stuff. Once kid has gone down, she's usually on sofa with feet up while I'm in the kitchen.

And no, apart from feeding the kid, I'm the one usually up 1st, changing the nappy first thing, and taking her down to eat breakfast while I make my sandwiches before heading off to work.

Our marriage, home life or child care may not be a 50/50 equal split ... but sounds like you need to get him to pull his weight a bit more.

Cooking dinner may not be where you want to start though.

If you are going less work hours I’d suggest you do the weekday stuff and he does all the weekend stuff.

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

No, I fear he thinks it does though! I’ve never had a lie in 😂😂 Weekend I do both days. Holidays I do all the days.

Whaaaat? He's never got up with his DC? How have you let that happen?

As for dinner, my DP leaves the house at 7 every morning and gets back at 6, while I WFH, so I do the cooking in the week but he does his share Sat/Sun.

Your DH is treating you like a skivvy.

I do one hour a day less but I also do all the school runs and sorting of the kids. I’d happily do an hour extra at work if he were the one getting up and getting them to school in the morning.

Why are you still married? Leave him and yes you’ll be a single parent but assuming he does some childcare you’ll at least get a break occasionally

Your husband sounds lazy and selfish and disrespectful.

Do you love him, OP? Like him, even? Fancy him? Trust him? Why do you stay with him?