What’s for dinner sweetheart?

[Dehydratedcaterpillar]

Argh.
Every. Single. Night.

I work until about 4ish and then I go and pick up the dc. I’m usually back by about 4.45 and then DH appears at 5pm, sets in for the evening on the sofa and says ‘what’s for dinner sweetheart?’
God. His job pays nearly ten times more than mine but I’m not convinced mine is any less stressful if I’m honest. However I also do all the running around in the morning, so by the time I start work at 9am I’ve been going for three hours already. DH - out of bed at 8.15am.
It’s the ‘what’s for dinner sweetheart?’ that may tip me over the edge though.

So you really are like the help.

@ShimmyYay

Unless he pays the mortgage and the bills , and your salary is your money for yourself you should be splitting the cleaning and cooking

No, that still wouldn't be fair or a relationship of equals. OP only works 5 hours less than he does. They should both have equal downtime and both share the domestic and childcare load as a partnership, not OP doing everything at home while he sits on his arse.

Otherwise it's basically teaching the children that women are second-class citizens. This is 2021, fgs.

Just think of how much money you'd have for a nanny, cook and cleaner if you divorced him and got maintenance payments

DH would say I could have a lie in if I got ds up and dressed first.

Wtaf? He’s bargaining with you, telling you what to do? This is insane, OP. Why do you not tell him to fuck right off?

Seriously, if he’s earning that much, you need a cleaner/nanny. Go on!

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

Yes, I regularly cook for everyone else and don’t eat any of it myself. I usually tidy up whilst they eat.

OP, this is really concerning. Can you talk to anyone about your ED?

This is more than concerning. OP are you actually real as I am struggling to believe your updates now.....

If he really earns 170k he could pay someone to (batch) cook, at least stuff that can be frozen and reheated when needed. Plenty of people would do that for minimum wage. They could cook all the stuff at theirs and then bring it round- I knew someone who did that for people.

@Dehydratedcaterpillar

He earns approx £170k - my job is basically health and social care. It’s hard going some days but I appreciate I am not responsible for million dollar contracts so maybe I’m underestimating how hard his job is. I think they’re just very different, I don’t have the sales pressure, he doesn’t have someone threatening to harm themselves.

I’ll speak to him again. I might make a list of all the stuff I do vs what he does.

I'm in a similar position, salary and responsibilities wise. I have periods of stressful times where I work 80+ hours in a week. Then it ranges between 40 to 60 in more normal times.

I still cook 3-4 times a week, amongst many other things in the house.

Why do people set the bar so low.

I don't give a shit how much someone earns, they are a husband and parent, and as such make up 50% of a partnership so should be able and willing to take on 50% without even being asked

So he can cook, but chooses to do so FOR HIMSELF! I'd have gone nuclear at that

FFS OP. I mean this in the nicest way but you need to stop being such a doormat, he needs to do at least 3/4 nights a week of cooking and pot washing, he also needs to give you a lie in once a week on a weekend and also do 3/4 mornings with the dc.

You need help for yourself. You are not able to say no him - just don’t make food for him - just make the children and yourself - stop washing his clothes and ironing.
You need treatment for your food issues - usually it’s about control ie not eating or stuffing feelings down by over eating or binge eating.
He will continue to expect you to carry on unless you make a change.
What happens at the weekend?
How is this split -
He knew what he was doing when he said the kids needing getting dressed - what waste of space is he.
He’s deliberately treating you like this and you are enabling him.
What messages are you giving to the children - the same as he got - it’s women’s work.
How are finances split?
Is he abusing you there.
He needs to split the food cooking after he’s finished work AND get up with the children on sat and Sunday.
If the waste of space can’t dress them he can manage them in there PJs
Your discussed this with him before and nothing has changed - you need ACTION.

It does sound like talking to a counselor would be helpful for you.

I'd be making him beans and toast every night!

Divorce him - take half his pension and a substantial amount of his salary. Make him do half the childcare. Your life will improve immeasurably .

Seriously OP, this is shit. But even if you don't care for yourself, your children think this is what a relationship looks like - do you you want them to think that?

Used to be like that for me, he's an ex husband. To be fair I worked pt but it grates after a while. I still do all the cooking but dp does other housework and I'm pt so makes sense for me to cook (I'm very territorial in the kitchen too)