Partner won't pay, heavily pregnant

[hattmancockk]

I've been with my partner 2 years and recently moved in, heavily pregnant now and still paying everything.

Tried and tried and tried. Today I tried some more and was called a cow, nasty, horrible woman even though I've paid everything until now (I do have family money) -have de camped to the spare room as BP sky high. I just want to protect my little baby now but am in complete turmoil as do love the man and he will be a good daddy. I don't know if I can do this on my own as I suffer depression, lingering from a breakdown 2 years ago.

I am not money orientated if that's what it seems like.

So it just proves what a pathetic water and user he is though @hattmancockk. Because if he was a good honest person he'd say " ok, I hear you, I will do x,y,z". But no, he's fucked off back to mummy and daddy.

Yes you will feel shit for a while bit I expect you won't miss him you will just miss having someone. My advice to you would be to concentrate on you and you only.. don't get sucked into an on again off again relationship. It will always end on tears and set you back. Be strong! You are worth it :) x

@hattmancockk

I've said it as it is and he's gone back to his parents. I'm devastated.

Be relieved. I think you already have one child and you're pregnant with another. You owe it to them not to take back this horrible, abusive (and he is abusive) man who would be detrimental to their mental health and concept of relationships if living under the same roof as them.

You need to seek some counselling to work out how you sleepwalked into this without seeming to realise who he is and even today saying you thought he would be a good daddy when all evidence says otherwise.

It's important you do this to stop it happening again.

Put your kids first from now on. You can choose who you live with and they can't.

Good. Not that you are devastated! That he's gone.

You would be honestly mad to stay in this relationship. It's hard enough having a child without pussy footing it around a cock-lodger.

Speaking from bitter experience... leave him. Secure your money - you are going to need it.

Inheritance.
Your family did not work to accumulate savings then pass on to you to finance the lifestyle of a random stray wastrel. LTB

Don't be devastated, be relieved!! You have just lost a huge amount of deadweight that was going to drag you and your baby down.

Some men on becoming dads are supportive financially, some are supportive practically and the best are a bit of both.

He was neither. Onwards and upwards @hattmancockk

I don’t think he’s a keeper.

I’m not sure that you consider him a keeper either. He may have some redeeming points but from what you’ve written there are more that a few negative points.

Whatever you decide will be hard.

All the best.

Keep him gone!

I can see you taking him back. This would be a terrible decision.

Take care of you and baby

Opps sorry just cross posted.

Good. He's gone. That sounds really blunt and horrid. Make sure you make a claim for cms, although my ex decided he would rather die than provide for our dd, and has managed to get away with paying £6 a week for the last three years. Make sure you keep evidence.

I’m sure that was hard for you but you have done the right thing. Well done. The first step to being in charge of your life and not being abused. Talk to your midwife and get support. The Freedom programme will really help you to see his behaviour for what it is.
Mothers put the well being and safety, emotional and physical, of their babies first.
This is what you have done tonight.
💐

Give him a choice. Either he leaves or you leave.

Well done, op. I know it hurts now, but come on. He used you. He's a cocklodger. He's lazy, selfish, and not even nice to you! He would be a shit 'father'; he won't change.

You would end up doing everything for your baby and resenting him.

Write down a list of all his faults, all the times he let you down or was horrible to you. Look at the list if you ever feel weak or like you want to ring him or take him back.

I hope it doesn’t come across the wrong way but he is playing you. He wants you to beg him to come back. Please don’t do that - just concentrate on you and your soon to be beautiful baby and really enjoy being a mother.
If he wants to step up and be involved then he can but don’t sacrifice yours or your baby’s happiness for him.

Good luck!

Sorry seen your update. You’ve done the right thing.

OP abusers like this scrounger ramp up their abuse during pregnancy and after childbirth.

He's already verbally abused you.

Tell your midwife, ask for counselling, be prepared to weather the storm he will throw your way.

Absolutely do not let him back in, or have unsupervised contact with your baby.

He's an alcoholic, and a piece of work to boot.

Have a good cry tonight, but block the fucker and tomorrow have a bloody good dance party that you've reclaimed your life.

OK calm down, your thinking of who you want him to be not who he is.
Not having to walk on eggshells will help your blood pressure come down.
I was a single mum and not having someone shout at you and your baby will be a blessing , I promise.
You will be able to nap and settle in for when your darling baby arrives, someone who will love and adore you.

Can you go hospital tonight? BP 170/120 might be making you feel unwell.

Please get checked out tonight.

First priority is you and the baby.

He is a classic cock lodger and a rebound relationship. Don't let him back in.

Would you want your child to be tied to someone like your not-so-dp, @hattmancockk? Or would you think that they deserved so much better from a life partner? I am sure you would not be happy for your child to be treated and used the way he is treating and using you.

You deserve nothing less than you would want for your child. You are worth so much more than the way he is treating you.

If I were you, I’d be telling him to stay with mummy and daddy, and let them bankroll him, and get the lease put in just your name, as a previous poster suggested. With the money you’ll save, you can get a luxury pedicure every week!

I wish I could give you an enormous hug, and convince you how special,you are, and how much you deserve from life.

Thank you 😢❤️

He smokes and drinks heavily and a free loader. You're worried that it's you?! Leave him, get away. He's going to make a terrible father.

I've said it as it is and he's gone back to his parents.

I expect he will return once he thinks he has taught you a lesson and you are ready to beg him to continue abusing you.

An abusive man cannot ever be a good daddy. Your daughter deserves to be protected from him, as do you.

PP are right that you have a fantasy in your head of what you want life to be and you have overlaid it on this abusive individual. He is not the fantasy. He is not in the same universe as the fantasy.

...am in complete turmoil as do love the man and he will be a good daddy

The fuck he will. He drinks heavily, sponges off you, calls you horrible names, and troubles himself to work part time. When you challenge him he runs back to mummy.

Your baby doesn't need this 'daddy'.

You need to kick this 'man' out of your life and keep him out.

Fingers crossed your condition can be dealt with in the hospital.

• I expect he will return once he thinks he has taught you a lesson and you are ready to beg him to continue abusing you.

Please remind me of this. He has done this many times before and I've fallen for it