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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be reconsidering my relationship because of lockdown

813 replies

whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 21:31

I won’t be leaving because we have young children.

But I am increasingly frustrated with DH wfh and I feel it’s forcing a lifestyle on me I just don’t want.

He’s at home all the time. It’s rare he leaves the house. When he does it’s only for short periods like to go to the supermarket to fill the car with petrol or to go to the dentist. Those sorts of things.

Then at weekends because he’s home all the time he wants to be out of the house. I’m exhausted with it.

Don’t know why I’m posting. Just feeling so stifled.

OP posts:
PurpleSunrise · 07/07/2021 23:46

Have a good rest and come back fresh OP!

Flyinggeese1 · 07/07/2021 23:46

OP your post title says you’re reconsidering your relationship, but then you insist you’re not.

You’re looking at houses but the insist you’re not really moving. You posted for a reason but won’t tell anyone what you want. People are trying to offer pragmatic suggestions, but you snap at them.

The most detail you’ve given seems to be about your unfortunate wind issue. You’re being really awful. Can you really not see why people are getting a bit frustrated?

Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:46

@Highfive2021

100% this thread will be deleted in the morning - night all 👋🏻
Why?

Have you reported it?

On what grounds? Confused

OP posts:
PurpleSunrise · 07/07/2021 23:47

@StormcloakNord

"He is working in an open plan area because at the moment he has to."

You literally said that.

I presumed OP meant the open plan area of the house is the only option for him for him to work in at the moment…not that he is only able to work in any open plan area wherever he is?
Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:47

If people are getting frustrated it’s on them, not me. I find it ridiculous you’d get frustrated because a strangers husband can’t work in a bedroom. How weird.

OP posts:
StormcloakNord · 07/07/2021 23:48

@Flyinggeese1

OP your post title says you’re reconsidering your relationship, but then you insist you’re not.

You’re looking at houses but the insist you’re not really moving. You posted for a reason but won’t tell anyone what you want. People are trying to offer pragmatic suggestions, but you snap at them.

The most detail you’ve given seems to be about your unfortunate wind issue. You’re being really awful. Can you really not see why people are getting a bit frustrated?

This. If people have reported the thread it's likely because you're acting quite goady and combative.
Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:48

Thank you purple

I didn’t think it was particularly complex.

OP posts:
MrsElba · 07/07/2021 23:48

@whitemirrors

I won’t be leaving because we have young children.

But I am increasingly frustrated with DH wfh and I feel it’s forcing a lifestyle on me I just don’t want.

He’s at home all the time. It’s rare he leaves the house. When he does it’s only for short periods like to go to the supermarket to fill the car with petrol or to go to the dentist. Those sorts of things.

Then at weekends because he’s home all the time he wants to be out of the house. I’m exhausted with it.

Don’t know why I’m posting. Just feeling so stifled.

Don't know why you're posting either because you've been nothing but rude to people who have tried to offer help and sympathy. Maybe time for some sleep and you can reflect on your attitude in the morning. Maybe also at how lucky you are too
PurpleSunrise · 07/07/2021 23:48

MNHQ do delete on basis of “we don’t really see this thread is helping OP and descended into bunfight” kind of message sometimes….

hettie · 07/07/2021 23:49

Ok you really really need to talk to him about this, preferably with professional help. Couples therapy might be a real option? He probably has no idea that you can't stand him any more... Seriously or we you will be the daily mail "woman attacks man with saucepan" headline....

StormcloakNord · 07/07/2021 23:49

@PurpleSunrise but bedrooms can easily be 'open plan'.

OP has alluded to the fact she has multiple bedrooms. PP's and myself are struggling to understand exactly why one of those bedrooms cannot be used.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:49

If people want to cause a fight because my husband can’t work in the bedroom, then that’s on them.

As I’ve said I think that’s ridiculous but I also can’t control what people do. If they want to stay up all night wondering why he can’t work in a bedroom or start a fight for the same reason then they can. It makes little difference to me. I would hope MN wouldn’t remove a thread because some people think they need to know this but it is their call not mine.

OP posts:
MsHedgehog · 07/07/2021 23:50

Can you speak to your husband? I told my DH he needs to go back to the office for the sake of our relationship. I was struggling with him wfh whilst I was adapting to a newborn, both in terms of noise whilst he’s working and also him not helping me whilst he’s working, which I understood but still struggled with.

We weren’t at crisis point at all but I told him he needs to go back before I start getting annoyed at the situation. He now goes in 2-3 days a week.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:50

@PurpleSunrise

MNHQ do delete on basis of “we don’t really see this thread is helping OP and descended into bunfight” kind of message sometimes….
True. It’s their decision. I would agree it is helping no one to endlessly be speculating about why DH can’t work in a bedroom.
OP posts:
ShadesOfMagenta · 07/07/2021 23:50

OP - I sympathise. I am stifled by DH being at home even though my DC is at school and I am also WFH. For me it’s because my DH is ‘picky’.

I naturally create a mess and prefer to tidy at the end of the day. I work in a spare room and do not appreciate tuts and signs & rolled eyes about eg breakfast bowl on my desk or papers popped temporarily on the spare bed.

I don’t want to have crumbs in the kitchen mentioned during the work day.

How about buying an old caravan and having it permanently pitched somewhere? Much cheaper than a second home!! You could escape there in the day.

StormcloakNord · 07/07/2021 23:51

Honestly @whitemirrors nobody here is trying to cause a fight except you.

Most people who post on MN are open, honest and looking for genuine help and support which they often get.

You've been combative, cagey, and haven't really engaged properly with anyone posting here except to be snarky and rude. Which is a shame.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:51

The problem is the office as it was no longer exists. Sob.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:52

I’m not sure spending maternity leave in a caravan would be much better but I like your thinking Grin

OP posts:
PurpleSunrise · 07/07/2021 23:53

[quote StormcloakNord]@PurpleSunrise but bedrooms can easily be 'open plan'.

OP has alluded to the fact she has multiple bedrooms. PP's and myself are struggling to understand exactly why one of those bedrooms cannot be used. [/quote]
Isn’t open plan different rooms all open with no doors? Must be unusual for a bedroom to be that way.

But surely if OP says a bedroom can’t be used then that’s that? Could be wifi access, other signalling issues, room literally only fits a bed, and so on. Doesn’t really matter what it is. Admittedly sometimes posters do have creative ideas that could help think of different ways to use, but still

StormcloakNord · 07/07/2021 23:55

That's the point @PurpleSunrise

The people of Mumsnet are creative in many ways. There a lot of ways to overcome issues but OP seems dead set on being defeatist and not even trying to improve the situation.

That's what is frustrating people.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:56

At the moment the set up of our home is simply that the bedrooms cannot be used for DH work. That is all anybody needs to know. In any event I wouldn’t find it particularly helpful. Different if there was more than one level perhaps but it is an apartment.

I was frustrated and fed up at the start of the thread, I am a little more chilled now. I have had a bad night and tomorrow instead of being able to just chill at home I’ll have to be Out Of The House Doing Stuff which as I’ve said after seven months (three in lockdown!) is exhausting.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:57

stormcloud I’m not a rude person as a rule but I really can’t keep on repeating myself.

I don’t want creative solutions because I know the situation and at the moment this is how it is. That is that.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 23:58

And if people are frustrated it’s on them.

I am not taking responsibility for people getting frustrated because a strangers husband can’t work in a bedroom!

OP posts:
Elys3 · 08/07/2021 00:01

I suspect you are using this thread to let off steam and aren’t really interested in a solution, but if you are, talk to him. Find a solution together that’s tolerable for both, whatever that is.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 08/07/2021 00:04

It isn’t about not being interested in a solution. It is simply that there isn’t one.

I am back to work in a matter of weeks. I will have time away from DH. I won’t have time to chill out at home and that is a bit of a source of sadness, tbh.

It is what it is. Doesn’t mean I’m not fed up with it!

OP posts:
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