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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To be reconsidering my relationship because of lockdown

813 replies

whitemirrors · 07/07/2021 21:31

I won’t be leaving because we have young children.

But I am increasingly frustrated with DH wfh and I feel it’s forcing a lifestyle on me I just don’t want.

He’s at home all the time. It’s rare he leaves the house. When he does it’s only for short periods like to go to the supermarket to fill the car with petrol or to go to the dentist. Those sorts of things.

Then at weekends because he’s home all the time he wants to be out of the house. I’m exhausted with it.

Don’t know why I’m posting. Just feeling so stifled.

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 08/07/2021 18:18

I really do get it, I just wondered if my suggestion might help.

I've WFH since July 2019. In March 2020 my entire routine was upset by a DH newly WFH and 2 children learning from home. We have no suitable so either so we were all working from the dining table.

DH is still WFH. We get by, mostly. He will have to go back to an office due to the nature of his job (requires multi monitors, sound mixing, massive memory and Uber fast internet) so I will get him out of my space at some point.

We've fallen into a rhythm now.

Your rhythm is about to change again. I hope you find what you need.

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:21

@whitemirrors

Why do you want to know so badly cream?

If you can give me a really good reason why it’s so important I’ll happily share.

Thanks for the kind replies above.

Reason why he cant work in another room, what is the reason you are so unhappy? Loads of us have people around in the house all the time, so I get it, but I don't know where you are going with this?
Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:22

@whitemirrors

I am struggling here

Clearly.

Why do you have to be so rude? I am trying to understand you!
SeeYouInFive · 08/07/2021 18:30

I feel like you could have saved yourself a lot of aggro and frustration if you’d just explain why he can’t work in the bedroom.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 08/07/2021 18:32

But that isn’t anybody’s business

Besides it wouldn’t save any aggro. People would just keep coming back with ‘but why can’t you’.

OP posts:
Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:35

You arent helping yourself by being so rude and not explaining, so how can anyone help?

Original poster
whitemirrors · 08/07/2021 18:35

cream you are looking for a fight. Please stop.

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 08/07/2021 18:35

Oh. I've just remembered this one person I have zoom calls with has put an airer behind them covered with a blanket. I think to give the family some privacy.

I wander around in my jammies (as do the kids) DH's back is to the living space so his camera sees everything. I just ask him to turn the camera off so we have privacy. His colleagues have to respect that as he's WFH.

Are either of those an option for you? My DH also uses headphones all day his job involves a lot of sound mixing.

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:36

@whitemirrors

cream you are looking for a fight. Please stop.
Sorry? I am trying to help you and give advice but you are shutting me down every time! I am certainly not looking for a fight, what is your problem!
RubyFowler · 08/07/2021 18:38

Maybe its too small, highly likely that is where the baby sleeps so there is a cot taking up any spare space, potentially where the baby naps during the day.
Maybe the OP is still in bed when her DH starts work?
Say its one of those reasons, what would change about the advice on offer?

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:38

Judging by your responses to most people trying to help and understand, it is you looking for the fight!!

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:39

@RubyFowler

Maybe its too small, highly likely that is where the baby sleeps so there is a cot taking up any spare space, potentially where the baby naps during the day. Maybe the OP is still in bed when her DH starts work? Say its one of those reasons, what would change about the advice on offer?
Ok well say that then ! Im bemused, I really am at where to go with this post.
Original poster
whitemirrors · 08/07/2021 18:40

See that SS. That was you at 10:02 today. It is now 1840. Eight hours later and you are still here. I wonder why.

To be reconsidering my relationship because of lockdown
OP posts:
Original poster
whitemirrors · 08/07/2021 18:42

And when you can tell me exactly what the excellent reason is that you need to know why DH can’t work in a bedroom - bearing in mind I have repeatedly said it makes no difference to how I feel about this - then I’ll gladly share.

OP posts:
Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:42

Because i wanted to help you? Was trying to understand, as you posted on Mumsnet so I wanted to somehow help, sorry if that is so wrong.!

LittleBlackCat22 · 08/07/2021 18:43

Op doesn’t want help @Creamsoda77

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:43

@whitemirrors

And when you can tell me exactly what the excellent reason is that you need to know why DH can’t work in a bedroom - bearing in mind I have repeatedly said it makes no difference to how I feel about this - then I’ll gladly share.
Because if he could then he is away in a separate space with the door shut, so you can carry on your business as you wish? I do this and sometimes do admit to pretending I'm in the house alone!
Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:43

@LittleBlackCat22

Op doesn’t want help *@Creamsoda77*
I am seeing that now!
Gemma2019 · 08/07/2021 18:44

@Creamsoda77
Ok well say that then ! Im bemused, I really am at where to go with this post.

I can't speak for the OP, but it would be great if you could go to another post entirely instead. You are like a moth constantly bashing against a bulb - you don't get it, and that's fine. So maybe just leave it now

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:46

I was trying to understand, i am in a similar situation , you have to ask questions to be able to understand the situation , then offer advice.

Original poster
whitemirrors · 08/07/2021 18:49

Exactly gemma

She wants an argument. That’s why she’s been hanging round all day with ‘but whhhhy can’t he work in the bedroom’

OP posts:
Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:50

I dont actually, i wanted to help you but your attitude stinks so you deserve it !

thenewduchessofhastings · 08/07/2021 18:51

Thé pandemic has been hard;it's forced a lot of people including couples and families to spend far more time with each than they ever would normally.

If i'm honest it's completely changed the dynamics in my household;some of its good;some of it;not so much.

It's a lack of privacy,getting on top of each other,not having "me time",feeling abit claustrophobic etc.

When you and your family/partner are constantly on top of each other you start to find things about each you don't like and it grates on you.

Creamsoda77 · 08/07/2021 18:53

Yes this is what is happening in our house too , the pandemic has changed everything, we have struggled, I have, have not had the house to myself in 16 months now and its hard. Dh has been consigned to work in the bedroom, i close the door and pretend I'm alone......not ideal but works !

HalzTangz · 08/07/2021 18:53

Where in the house is he working? Can he be in a separate room so you can have your own time in another room.
Could you fit a small shed in the garden to turn into an office, freeing the house up for you and your child to work from.
Do you have family or friends near by that have a spare room that he can work in?

There is always work arounds, it depends whether you wat to do those work arounds.

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