DH waking me up

[DHandInterview]

Is it okay for your DH to wake you up early on a morning? Say you had to be up at 7 for work but DH wakes you up at 5:30, because he likes to get up then. Is that something that other couples do too or is it something you would be annoyed about?

I saw your other post and i think you already know he/s controlling. This is just another way of enforcing that control - he will wake you up when HE thinks you should be up. I hope you find the strength to throw this one back.....

I would lose my shit if DP did that. I had to teach DP that it's polite to be quiet when he gets up earlier than me. Now when he has to be up early he gets his clothes ready and out of the room the night before and just slips back in to give me a quiet kiss before he leaves.

It's controlling. And covering it with that simpering shit would piss me off even more.

@MzHz

How firm have you been on a scale of “Stop it” and “fucking stop it or I’ll kill you in YOUR sleep”?

😂🤣😂

Urghhhh, my now ex-h used to do this. His attitude was 'I'm up, everyone should be up..' Too many times he'd insist on me also getting up ridiculously early to go for a walk with him as well. I've always hated being woken up and am really not a decent morning person.

It's lucky we divorced as I was on the verge of killing him!

It's so disrespectful and unnecessary - you need to have strong words with your DP and insist he stops. Agree a time you're happy to be up by, or need to be up by, and stick to it.

It's his choice to get up way before he needs to and he shouldn't be imposing that on you.

I've got the rage on your behalf 😂

Mine bangs into the bed when he walks round from his side to the wardrobe for his dressing gown EVERY MORNING. And then is in and out of the bedroom every few minutes, opening drawers, putting his towel in the washing basket (he'll still stuff it in there when it's rammed full. I wonder how it miraculously empties itself every so often....amazing...) All this after bloody snoring and bouncing around in the bed all night. Not in a sex way, to be very clear. So I feel your pain OP. It's different to your DH, but still as enraging. Idiots

He's purposefully stopping you from getting enough sleep.

Why don't you try doing the same to him? Set your phone alarm on vibrate for say 3am and put it under your pillow, then when it wakes you, wake him up. And be loud about it. Do this for as long as it takes for him to get the message.

This is not on - what the hell does he want help with at 5.30am? I'm an early riser but I slip out of bed and go downstairs to have a very quiet cup of tea or go for a run. I get annoyed if any of the family get up and join me 🤣

I really wouldn't try to play him at his own game op. An abusive person is always prepared to go further to prove a point and will make your life more miserable than it already is.

If he's inconsiderate in many ways , disrespectful and abusive, the only solution is to get as far away from him as possible. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to read.

You've admitted yourself that he is controlling in another thread where you didn't want to tell him you had an interview for another job. He is not waking you up as he 'misses you', he is waking you up as he wants you to be up whether you want it or not.

You need to LTB (I don't say this lightly)

That would drive me mad. Tell him he can either let you sleep or you'll go and sleep in the spare room. Or better still he can!

@19Bears

Mine bangs into the bed when he walks round from his side to the wardrobe for his dressing gown EVERY MORNING. And then is in and out of the bedroom every few minutes, opening drawers, putting his towel in the washing basket (he'll still stuff it in there when it's rammed full. I wonder how it miraculously empties itself every so often....amazing...) All this after bloody snoring and bouncing around in the bed all night. Not in a sex way, to be very clear. So I feel your pain OP. It's different to your DH, but still as enraging. Idiots

Why do you put up with this too? This is really inconsiderate.

Supersoaker right in the face every time he does it. Keep it loaded by the bed.

But seriously that sounds like an awful thing to do to someone, I can't function properly without enough sleep either and this would be actual torture for me.

There’s something very sinister about a man who tries to exert his control and dominance to this extent.

How can I get him to listen to me and not wake me up? I feel like he always thinks his own wants/needs are more important than mine, he thinks it's lazy to stay in bed until 7.

Is he very thick, op? Have you already told him in no uncertain terms: 'Don't fucking wake me when you get up. I don't want a cuddle, I don't want tea, I don't want you to talk to me, I don't want you to tell me you miss me. Waking me up when I have told you I need to sleep is abusive and fucking annoying. Don't do it again or I will move to the spare room and put a lock on my door.'

What's he like the rest of the time, op? I can see red flags here.

I've just seen your other thread.

You need to get away from this shit of a man as soon as you can, op. Have you posted about him before, under a different user name? Does he make you sit at the table with him when he's working?

He's scary, dangerous and controlling. Please get out.

Are you the same poster who works with him and has been close to leaving before? (Teacher training).

@DHandInterview

Most days he wakes me up about 6:15-6:30 which I can just about manage with but when he wakes me up at 5:30 I can't function properly through the day and it affects my work. How can I get him to listen to me and not wake me up? I feel like he always thinks his own wants/needs are more important than mine he thinks I should get up early because it's more virtuous or something, he thinks it's lazy to stay in bed until 7.

Dear lord, until 7?? That's about as early as I ever willingly get up, and even then I'm pretty impressed with myself.

It's ultimatum time. His judgement of people staying up late overriding his empathy for his partner telling him she needs that sleep, is actually pretty unpleasant. You need to tell him to stop it, and to respect that.

Hmm, the red flags for me are that you've asked him not to but he does it anyway, and that sleep deprivation is a tactic that abusive partners use.

You can make him hear you, as he's already heard you and chooses not to value your opinion on it. Does he do the same about other things?

I’d be livid

Can't....autocorrect!

There was a post earlier this year or end of last year where the ops 'd'h would wake her early because that was when he got up. He was also highly controlling in many other ways (she had to sit with him while he did work at the table and she wasn't allowed to go and do something she wanted to do was one thing that stood out, but there were many things). What is he like otherwise @DHandInterview?

Somedays I have to be out of the house at 7 so get up at 6, I sleep separately, get everything ready the night before and creep about like a mouse. No one else ever wakes.... And I enjoy that peace in the morning!

Same when it was the other way round, DH would leave at 7.15am I'd hardly hear him until I heard the door click. Waking someone up unnecessarily on repeat is abusive.

Jesus. Bite his nose or something. That's an awful thing to do

No chance.
I'm not a morning person at all DH knows this and will leave me to sleep until DD wakes usually around 8. DH is a morning person and would happily get up at 5am every day including the weekend. He usually gets up and goes straight downstairs so he doesn't wake the rest of the house

My husband wouldn't dare! He knows I am a nightmare when tired. He wouldn't wish that on himself haha

That would be a deal breaker for me. I can sleep for england and he respects that and gets up when he needs/wants to and lets me dictate my routine for work/life.