DH waking me up

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Is it okay for your DH to wake you up early on a morning? Say you had to be up at 7 for work but DH wakes you up at 5:30, because he likes to get up then. Is that something that other couples do too or is it something you would be annoyed about?

Oh hell to the no with this. You know what is cute and loving? DH sliding quietly out of bed and getting up because he can't sleep and doesn't want to disturb me.

We have been married a long time and having survived the white hot baby and toddler years together, treat each others sleep as sacred. This is a god send as we head into the menopause insomnia years. I cannot see how we would have survived for the past 30 years if we were merrily waking each other up on a whim - it sounds dreadful

You know what is cute and loving? DH sliding quietly out of bed and getting up because he can't sleep and doesn't want to disturb me.

This.

OP this sounds just horrendous! I couldn't live like that. Is this just the tip of the iceberg?

Could someone possibly link to OP's other threads so I can get a better understanding of the overall situation please?

Have you posted about this before?

I recognise you too. You know his behaviour isn’t normal and he stifles, restricts and controls you, all dressed up under the guise of caring and loving you.

Normal couples do allow their partners to do things without them. They don’t insist on waking them up, sitting in the same room all the time, dozens of phone calls when he’s out checking up on you.

I know you are trying to make sense of it all and your regular questions demonstrate that you hope that someone will say that it’s all normal and loving. It really isn’t. He is controlling, he regards you as a possession. Please carry on taking some small steps to break free even if you don’t leave straight away. Good luck, he sounds a deeply unpleasant man.

My abusive ex used to stay up until the early hours of the morning and then sleep in until 11am. He expected me to stay up with him We had a new born who was a very poor sleeper I was sleep deprived and running on zero sleep. He could not understand why I was so tired. He used to mimic and ridicule me for going to bed at 9am - It was like torture. He also became angry if I was ironing at night as he demanded that time to be spent on him. Sleep is sanctuary and so important for your body and mind.

Start doing it to him at 4am until he gets the message

My DH would only need to try that once and he would never do it again! He knows that I need a lot more sleep than he does and he values a peaceful life!

That would really upset me and I would make sure he knew that. If he does it even though it upsets you then is he really the kind of partner you want? Does he feel his wants are more important in other areas of the relationship?

When he has to be up early does he go to bed early? If so, I would be tempted to wake him up when you go to bed to ask him a question, or tell him you missed him etc. See how much he likes sleep deprivation to be forced on him

‘He misses you’
How can he miss you when you’ve both been asleep.
He’s a selfish bastard more like.
Kisses and cuddles my arse. There’d be no kisses and cuddles if my partner was waking me at any godforsaken hour before I actually needed to get up. In fact, there’d be a resultant intimacy embargo.
This is not on.

Dh sleeps in another room if he’s up early. He even puts toilet paper in the loo to hide the splash sounds.

He sounds pathetic and needy. What is it you find attractive about him?

The punishment needs to fit the crime.
Let him go to bed earlier than you and wake him up when you go to bed . And watch the penny drop!

I'm the early riser in my relationship (6/6.30 am ish natural wake time) and there is no way I would wake my husband early! I'd also be pissed off if my husband was waking me at 5.30 every day.

It's fairly easy to just sneak out of bed and leave your partner happily sleeping- I do it all the time. So, no, it's not normal for your husband to wake you up at 5.30 and he needs to respect that your natural wake time differs from his!

Nope! I get up at 5/6 and Dp gets up whenever he needs to. He's crap at getting up so I do have to wake him up sometimes but it's only when according to his schedule he needs to do something or will be late, not when I get up.

Sleep disturbance is torture.

My twat of an ex would come & have a "rest" every night on the bed when I went to bed 10.30-11.00. Once I'd stopped reading & gone to sleep he'd spring off the bed, waking me, and go downstairs to watch porn television.

He'd come back to bed at 3-4am, waking me again by crashing about or even climbing over me to get in rather than walking round to his side & I'd then toss & turn till I got up at 6.30.

He'd moan if I disturbed him then as he didn't need to be up that early, but definitely wanted me to make him a coffee & flatly refused to consider separate rooms

Twat.

@PussGirl
Sounds like my ex, used to come to bed early hours in the morning, gets undressed - clashing sound of his jeans/belt hitting the floor, loose change falling out of the pockets, waking the baby and then the intolerable sound of snoring
Love being single and going to bed on my own at what ever time I chose

God no, DP knows I enjoy my sleep and he would be getting a right earful if he woke me up because he wanted a chat at 6am.

He even gets all his underwear and clothes out the night before and leaves them downstairs so he's not opening cupboards and drawers getting stuff out.
One thing he does right 😆

He's probably worried that you're dreaming of other men while you're asleep! Seriously.

He's too controlling. Is he like this in other areas?

Normal behaviour = OH leaves you sleeping when they are awake.

I love waking up with my DP. He leaves earlier than me but we wake up together and have a chat or more often than not a lovely bunk up before the kids get up. It's honestly the best part of my day.
I get that people need their sleep but maybe OP's husband just wants to see her a bit before the day begins so it could be seen as nice thing?

Is this every day or a one off, definitely controlling if he knows you need to sleep until 7.

@theworldsbiggestcrocodile

I love waking up with my DP. He leaves earlier than me but we wake up together and have a chat or more often than not a lovely bunk up before the kids get up. It's honestly the best part of my day. I get that people need their sleep but maybe OP's husband just wants to see her a bit before the day begins so it could be seen as nice thing?

But she's asked him not to. She says getting up so early is having a detrimental impact on her work because she is so tired.

It's only nice if you both want to do it.

Oh dear. He's very selfish and knows exactly what he's doing ie training you to behave in an approved way. He thinks you should be up and awake when he is and he's making sure that either that happens or you are punished (ie woken) if you resist.

My dad was like this with my mum. He was fixated on the notion that early rising was virtuous and correct. Later rising was slovenly and incorrect. He would say stuff like he wanted to enjoy my mums company in the morning. In fact he wanted her to get up so she could make him breakfast. If she said she was tired he would just keep nagging and poking her, including tweaking her nose to make her get up. If she objected he'd say he was just having fun and being affectionate.

This was regardless of the fact that she'd had less sleep. In the evening he'd just get up and go upstairs to bed. Mum would be left to wash up, tidy up, settle the pets for the night and lock all the doors.

What used to baffle me was that he'd always bang on about how it was wrong to lay in bed in the morning "wasting the daylight" but would have a two hour nap after lunch (while mum cleared up, washed up etc). I could never work out why THAT wasn't "wasting the daylight".

If you are firm with your husband and he still won't listen (I haven't read your other thread but get the impression there are control issues overall) you might need to address whether you want him to be your husband at all. His disregard for you is appalling.

Yes agreed-sorry I haven't read the full thread