Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH waking me up

232 replies

DHandInterview · 07/07/2021 05:58

Is it okay for your DH to wake you up early on a morning? Say you had to be up at 7 for work but DH wakes you up at 5:30, because he likes to get up then. Is that something that other couples do too or is it something you would be annoyed about?

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 07/07/2021 06:49

Does he listen in other areas as he’s not listening now. Sleep is soooo important isn’t it.
My ex used to call me “dear” as in “yes dear no dear” - I didn’t like it and asked him to stop - he didn’t - he was controlling and all about him. My needs didn’t matter.
Look at the rest of the relationship - what else gone.
What happens at the weekend re sleep.

SquashMinusIsShit · 07/07/2021 06:51

i usually wake at about 5.30am, I creep downstairs so.I don't wake anyone else, that is what normal people do, your DH is a massive twat I'm afraid

CrouchEndTiger12 · 07/07/2021 06:52

God your restraint is admirable. You're too nice.

I would have lost my temper by now and shouted at him as he was jostling me awake.

Blueskytoday06 · 07/07/2021 06:55

I think it's cute he wants to cuddle you.

I'm a fidgeter and often wake dp up - he never whinges.

Blackbird2020 · 07/07/2021 06:55

Have you had a serious talk with him about it?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 07/07/2021 06:55

I'm presuming that he is controlling of you in other ways?

I would kill him. The red mist would descend and he would be a dead man.

LeroyJenkinssss · 07/07/2021 06:57

I got up at five today for work. I leave all my clothes out so that I can go to the bathroom and get changed and not wake DH up. I do give him a kiss goodbye (because I have a particular neurosis about that) but he just stirs a little and goes back to sleep. If I woke him up then for a chat he’d be pissed off!

Honestly I’d make a bigger thing about it and be so grumpy at him that he realises it’s a shitty thing to do

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 07/07/2021 06:58

I'm the early riser in this house. I wouldn't dream of waking DH. Previously he had a job which required him to leave at 5am. He snuck out as quietly as he could. His alarm did wake me but he was great at getting up immediately. Then he'd get dressed downstairs and just go.
I've just remembered that my ex would crash about loudly, turn all the lights on,sit on the bed and spray his deodorant with such gusto that it would hit me too, and generally expect me to be supportive if he had to be somewhere early. The passive aggression did not endear him to me, especially as if any of our children needed attention in the night, I was on my own.
It's not normal to be treated like that OP.

Sally872 · 07/07/2021 06:59

Evening before. "I need to be up at 7am. If you are going to get up at stupid o'clock please take care not to wake me any earlier than 7, I need my sleep. If you miss me you will see me at 7. If you need help with anything ask me at 7."

VettiyaIruken · 07/07/2021 06:59

If my husband woke me up at 530 it'd better be because someone's dead.
If not - someone's about to be!

Tell him off! Tell him bluntly to not be a selfish twat.

category12 · 07/07/2021 07:03

@Blueskytoday06

I think it's cute he wants to cuddle you.

I'm a fidgeter and often wake dp up - he never whinges.

It's not cute. It's putting his wants over her needs. It's selfish. It's not sweet, it's saying I'm more important than you and I don't care about the detrimental effect this has on you. That's not loving.

Maybe you should be more considerate to your partner and slip out of bed if you're fidgety. Sleep is important.

welliesarefuntowear · 07/07/2021 07:07

This is interesting to me because my ex used to do stuff like this and it never used register with me at the time as the selfish act it is. It's interesting that so many others think so too.

Blueskytoday06 · 07/07/2021 07:09

Yes I have been in the same situation with an ex and the relationship was very toxic and he most definitely put his needs in every aspect first. He was an incredibly selfish arsehole.

However in this instance, we haven't been given any further details (yet) and everyone's quick to have him hung dry & quartered. I'm not sure (at this point) all the 'abusive and controlling' comments are quite necessary.

OP did you want to give us some more info on your life outside the bedroom?

CupoTeap · 07/07/2021 07:10

Start setting alarm for 4:30 and wake him up, it won't take long.

seven201 · 07/07/2021 07:10

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

If he was my husband he would die.
Ditto
Iggly · 07/07/2021 07:10

@Blueskytoday06

I think it's cute he wants to cuddle you.

I'm a fidgeter and often wake dp up - he never whinges.

Cute???

He has been told not to do it. It’s not cute.

parkerpop · 07/07/2021 07:12

Doesn't even sound like he needs to get up at 5.30?? Even if he did no need to wake you but could understand if it was his alarm etc but it's not.

Selfish controlling prick

Aria2015 · 07/07/2021 07:12

Urgh no! He's like a child! If he doesn't listen I would stubbornly refuse to engage with him in any way until my desired wake up time. No conversation, no eye contact, I'd just lay there like a log with my eyes shut. He'd soon not bother waking you if he got nowhere with it...

WildfirePonie · 07/07/2021 07:18

He won't stop and it's abuse.

Either live with it or leave him.

Doubt sleeping in a separate room would stop him. He wants to wake you up so you'll be tired and easier to control.

HappydaysArehere · 07/07/2021 07:19

Is he waking you up to get his breakfast or coffee? I remember my old dad telling us that he knew someone who did precisely that. He thought it was a terrible thing to do as he couldnt understand why he wouldn’t want his family to stay comfortable in bed until the right sort of time to get up. Put your foot down or should I say put your head down.

bigbaggyeyes · 07/07/2021 07:19

Nope it's a massively selfish thing to do.

I'm a night owl, so tend to sleep late, but my dh is the opposite and will get up early. He knows he'd lose his head if he woke me on purpose, so will get out of bed quietly and leave me to sleep. I will also try not to wake him when I go to bed because it's not fair in him either. It's about mutual respect

Disfordarkchocolate · 07/07/2021 07:19

I get up when I wake up (normally at 5 am) , then I sit quietly until at least 7 am, usually closer to 7:30 - 7:45 am. That's normal. It's annoying because I can't tidy up etc but it's better than waking him up when he doesn't need to be awake.

TheDevils · 07/07/2021 07:20

@Blueskytoday06

I think it's cute he wants to cuddle you.

I'm a fidgeter and often wake dp up - he never whinges.

It's not cute. He's been told not to wake her up but does does it anyway. It's controlling.

My DH can be an early riser and a fidget. If he thinks he's disturbing me he gets up and moves elsewhere. He would never wake me up just because he was awake.

Jumpingintosummer · 07/07/2021 07:20

He misses you?! That alone would be such a turn off, he sounds demanding, selfish and pathetic at the same time.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/07/2021 07:21

He says he misses you!! What overnight? Since the previous evening when you went to bed ... bloody weird!!

Fine if he wants to get up early but he shouldn’t wake you ... sleeping after 7am is not lazy!

God he’d hate me ... since wfh I’ve been getting up at 8.55 every day!